What is Friendship?
Michele E. Doyle&Mark K. Smith
close1RT When we approach the notion of friendship, our first problem is that there is a lack of socially acknowledged criteria for what makes a person a friend. In one setting, we may describe someone as a friend; in another, the label may seem less appropriate. Therefore, people tend to have a very thin understanding of what friendship really means. To help us understand what friendship really means, we need to review some classical views of friendship.
友谊的真谛
米歇尔?E?多伊尔 马克?K?史密斯
我们探讨友谊这个概念时，遇到的第一个问题是，没有社会公认的择友标准。在某一情境下，我们会把某个人称为朋友；然而，情境一旦变迁，朋友这个称呼就显得没那么贴切了。因此，人们对友谊的真谛的理解往往是非常肤浅的。为了帮助我们理解友谊的真正含义，我们需要回顾有关友谊的几种传统的看法。close
2RT One classical view of friendship is provided by Aristotle, the famous ancient Greek philosopher. Aristotle distinguishes between what he believes to be genuine friendships and two other forms: one based on mutual usefulness, the other on pleasure. So, according to Aristotle, we may find three kinds of friendship:
一种传统的友谊观在古希腊著名的哲学家亚里士多德的著作里得以阐述。他将自己心目中真正的友谊同另外两种友谊截然分开。这两种友谊分别是：基于互利的友谊；基于愉悦的友谊。因此，根据亚里士多德的观点，我们可以将友谊分为三类：close
3RT Friendship based on utility. Utility is an impermanent thing: it changes according to circumstances. When the ground for friendship disappears, the friendship also breaks up. Friendships of this kind seem to occur most frequently between the elderly, because at their age what they want is not pleasure but utility. Friendships based on utility are also frequently found among those in middle or early life who are pursuing their own advantage. Such persons do not spend much time together, because sometimes they do not even like one another, and therefore feel no need of such an association unless they are mutually useful. They take pleasure in each other's company only in so far as they have hopes of advantage from it.
建立在功利之上的友谊。功利并非永恒，它依照环境而变化。友谊的根基一旦消失，友谊也随之破灭。这类友谊似乎在老人之间最为常见，因为上了年纪的人需要的不是愉悦而是实用。基于功利的友谊也同样存在于追逐个人利益的中年人和青年人中。这些人不会在一起消磨时光，因为他们有时甚至不喜欢对方，因而觉得除非可以互相利用，否则没有交往的必要。只有当他们认为彼此有希望相互利用的时候，才会乐于呆在一起。close
4RT Friendship based on pleasure. Frie
ndship between the young is thought to be grounded on pleasure, because the lives of the young are regulated by their feelings, and their chief interests are in their own pleasure and the opportunity of the moment. As they grow up, however, their tastes change too, so that they are quick to make and to break friendships. That is why they fall in and out of friendship quickly, changing their attitude often, even within the same day.
建立在愉悦之上的友谊。年轻人之间的友谊常被看作是建立在愉悦基础之上的，因为年轻人的生活受感情支配，他们感兴趣的主要是自己的快乐和眼前的重要机会。然而，他们的情趣随着自己日渐成长也会变化，他们交友容易，分手也干脆。年轻人的态度变化无常，甚至一日数变，难怪他们的友谊总是迅速地开始，又匆匆地结束。close
5RT Friendship based on goodness. Perfect friendship is based on goodness. Only the friendship of those who are good, and similar in their goodness, is perfect. The conduct of good men is the same or similar. It is between good men that both love and friendship are chiefly found and in the highest form. Such friendships are rare and they need time and intimacy; for as the saying goes, true friends must go through trials and tribulations together. And no two persons can accept each other and become friends until each has proved to the other that he is worthy of love, and so won his trust. The wish for friendship may develop rapidly, but true friendship does not.
建立在美德之上的友谊。完美无瑕的友谊立足于美德。只有那些品德高尚而且拥有相似美德的人之间建立的友谊才是最完美的。品行高尚的人，其行为是相同的，或者是类似的。爱和友谊多半在品行高尚的人之间发生，而且以最高雅的形式出现。这种友谊是罕见的，需要时间，需要交往。常言道，真正的朋友必须同甘共苦，历经风雨。只有当两个人互相证明自己值得爱并获得对方的信任之后，彼此方能接受对方为朋友。交友的意愿可能倏忽而至，但真正的友谊却要慢慢培养。close
6RT Another classical view of friendship can be found in the writings of Cicero, an ancient Roman statesman and orator. According to Cicero, true friendship is only possible between good men. He further defines "the good" as "those whose actions and lives leave no question as to their honor, purity, equity, and liberality; who are free from greed, lust, and violence; and who have the courage of their convictions." The friendship between good men, based on virtue, does offer material benefits, but it does not seek them. All human beings are bonded together in a community of shared reason. Therefore, in friendships and relationships, those who possessany superiority must regard themselves as equals of those who are less fortunate. It is virtue that creates and preserves true friendship.
另一种
传统的友谊观可以在古罗马政治家、演说家西塞罗的著作里找到。西塞罗认为，真正的友谊只能在好人之间发生。他进而将“好人”定义为“那些行为和生活无损于自己的荣誉、纯洁、公平和开明的人；那些摆脱了贪婪、欲念和暴力的人；那些敢于依照自己的信念说话和做事的人。”好人之间建立的这种友谊立足于美德，它确实可以带来物质利益，但决不以追求物质利益为目标。人类生活在以共同的理想为基础的社会。因此，在处理朋友关系和其他人际关系时，优越于他人的人必须平等地对待那些没那么幸运的人。美德创造友谊，美德使友谊之树常青。close
7RT Thus, we may see that the traditional idea of friendship is made up of three components: Friends must enjoy each other's company; they must be useful to one another; and they must share a commitment to the good. According to the classical views, virtuous friends are bound together, as they recognize each other's moral excellence. To perceive a friend, therefore, is to perceive oneself; and to know a friend is to know oneself. Each can be said to provide a mirror in which the other may see himself. Through networks of such virtuous friends, we can develop a shared idea of the good and pursue it together. Friendship of this kind is permanent, because in it are united all the attributes that friends ought to possess.
我们由此可以看出，传统的友谊观由三个要素构成：朋友以相伴为乐；朋友必须彼此受益；彼此都有志于崇高的事业。这些传统的友谊观告诉我们，两个品德高尚的朋友是永不分离的，因为彼此认同对方的高尚品德。因此，认识朋友就是认识自我，了解朋友就是了解自我。可以说朋友就好比是一面镜子，每个人都可以从朋友身上看清自己。置身于品德高尚的朋友之中，我们会对美德达成共识，共同为之不遗余力。这样的友谊是永恒的，因为朋友应该具备的一切品质都凝结在这种友谊关系中
UniT After Twenty Years
O. Henry
close1RT It was barely 10 o'clock at night. The policeman on the beat (巡逻路线) moved up the avenue impressively. He turned now and then to cast his watchful eye over the doors and shop windows on both sides of the street. He was of a powerful build and made a fine picture of a guardian (卫士) of the peace.
二十年之后
欧?亨利
将近夜里十点，巡逻警察来到这条街上，样子威严，不时地看看街道两边的店铺，警惕的目光落在店铺的大门和橱窗上。身材魁梧的他，俨然一副和平卫士的模样。close
2RT Around the midway of a certain block, the policeman suddenly slowed his walk. In the doorway of a darkened hardware store stood a man, with an unlighted cigar in his mouth. As the policeman walked up to him, the man spoke up
quickly.
在一个街区走到一半时，他突然放慢了步伐。只见一个光线黯淡的五金店门口，站着一个人，嘴里叼着没有点燃的雪茄。他走了过去，那人赶紧开腔：close
3RT "It's all right, officer," he said. "I'm just waiting for a friend. It's an appointment made twenty years ago. Sounds a little funny to you, doesn't it? Well, I'll explain. Twenty years ago, there used to be a restaurant where this store stands now."
“没事儿，警官，”他说道。“我只是在等个朋友。这可是二十年前的约定。听起来有点好笑吧？我跟你说，二十年前这里曾经是个饭店。”close
4RT "Until five years ago," said the policeman. "It was torn down then."
“五年前才拆的。”警察说道。close
5RT The man in the doorway struck a match and lit his cigar. The light showed a pale, square-jawed (方下巴) face with keen eyes, and a little white scar (伤疤) near his right eyebrow.
门口那人划了根火柴，点燃了雪茄。火光中可见一张苍白的脸，方下巴，目光敏锐，右边眉毛附近有一道白色的细小伤疤。close
6RT "Twenty years ago tonight," said the man, "I dined here with Jimmy Wells, my best chum (好友) and the finest chap in the world. He and I were raised here in New York, just like two brothers, together. I was eighteen and Jimmy was twenty then. The next morning I was to start for the West to make my fortune. You couldn't have dragged Jimmy out of New York; he thought it was the only place on earth. Well, we agreed that night that we would meet here again exactly twenty years from that date and time, no matter what our conditions might be or from what distance we might have to come. We figured that in twenty years each of us ought to have our destiny worked out and our fortunes made, whatever they were going to be."
“二十年前的今晚，”那人说，“我和我最好的朋友吉米?韦尔斯就在这里吃的饭。他可是个再好不过的家伙了。我俩在纽约这儿一起长大，好得像兄弟俩，那年我十八，他二十。第二天早上我就要动身去西部发财。唉，要想让吉米离开纽约可是比登天还难哪！在他眼里人世间就只有纽约这么一个地方。不过我俩那天晚上约定，二十年后的今日此刻，无论各自的境况如何，无论各自远在何方，都要在这里相聚。我们当时认为，二十年后，不管各自做什么，有什么样的命运，发多大的财，一切都该成了定局。”close
7RT "It sounds pretty interesting," said the policeman. "Haven't you heard from your friend Jimmy since you left?"
“听起来还真有意思，”警察说道。“那你离开后就再没有你朋友吉米的消息了？”close
8RT "Well, yes, for a time we corresponded," said the other. "But after a year or two we lost track of each other. You see, the West is pretty big and wild, and I kept hustling (急速行进) around over it
pretty lively. But I know Jimmy will meet me here if he's alive, for he always was the truest old chap in the world. He'll never forget. I came a thousand miles to stand in this door tonight, and it's worth it if my old partner turns up. He will keep his promise."
“不，我们通过一阵子信，”那人答道，“可一两年后就断了音信。要知道，西部幅员辽阔，荒蛮原始，我又一直四处奔波，东跑西颠。不过，我确信，吉米只要活着，他会来见我的。他是这世界上我最信得过的人。他绝对不会忘记。我千里迢迢来到这儿就是为了今晚站在这门口，只要我那老伙计露面，我也就不虚此行了。他是不会食言的。”close
9RT The waiting man pulled out a handsome watch, the lids of it set with small diamonds.
那守候的人掏出一只精致的怀表，表盖上缀满了小粒钻石。close
10RT "Three minutes to ten," he announced. "It was exactly ten o'clock when we parted here at the restaurant door."
“九点五十七分，”他说道，“我们是十点整在饭店门口的这个地方挥手告别的。”close
11RT "You did pretty well out West, didn't you?" asked the policeman.
“在西部混得不错吧？”警察问道。close
12RT "You bet! I hope Jimmy has done half as well."
“那还用说！吉米干得有我一半好就不错了。”close
13RT The policeman twirled his club and took a step or two.
警察转了转警棍，迈出了一两步。close
14RT "I'll be on my way. Hope your friend comes around on time."
“我走了，但愿你的朋友会按时赴约。”close
15RT "I'll wait for half an hour at least," said the man. "If Jimmy is alive on earth he'll be here by that time. So long, officer."
“我至少会等他半个小时，”那人说，“吉米要是还活着，他会在我走之前来的。再见，警官。”close
16RT "Good-night, sir," said the policeman, passing on along his beat, checking up on the doors as he went.
“晚安，先生，”警察说完，又继续巡逻，边走边检查店门。close
17RT There was now a fine, cold drizzle (细雨) falling, and the wind had risen. The man who had come a thousand miles to keep the appointment with the friend of his youth still stood in the doorway of the hardware store, smoking his cigar.
这时，天下起了蒙蒙细雨，冷冰冰的，起风了。为了履行和少时好友的约定，那个不远千里来到这里的人还站在五金店的门口，抽着雪茄。close
18RT About twenty minutes had passed. Then a tall man in a long overcoat, with the collar turned up to his ears, hurried across from the opposite side of the street. He went directly to the waiting man.
约二十分钟后，一个身着大衣、衣领立起的高个子男人从街对面匆匆走了过来，径直走向那守候者。close
19RT "Is that you, Bob?" he asked, doubtfully.
“鲍勃，是你吗？”他狐疑地问道。close
20RT "Is that you, Jimmy
Wells?" cried the man in the door.
“你是吉米?韦尔斯？”门口那人高声叫道。close
21RT "Bless my heart!" exclaimed the new arrival, grasping both the other's hands with his own. "It's Bob, sure as fate. I was certain I'd find you here if you were still in existence. Well, well, well! Twenty years is a long time. How has the West treated you, old man?"
“天哪！”新来者高兴地大叫了起来，一把握住了那人的双手。“是鲍勃，真的是鲍勃！我就知道，只要你还活着，我就会在这里找到你。哎呀呀，二十年啊，时间可真不短！老兄，西部待你怎样？”close
22RT "It has given me everything I asked it for. You've changed a lot, Jimmy. I never thought you were so tall by two or three inches."
“西部给了我想要的一切。你变了很多啊，吉米！没想到你长高了二三英寸呢。”close
23RT "Oh, I grew a bit after I was twenty."
“哦，二十岁后我又长了点个子。”close
24RT "Doing well in New York, Jimmy?"
“在纽约混得不错吧，吉米？”close
25RT "Just so-so. I have a position in one of the city departments. Come on, Bob; we'll go around to a place I know of, and have a good long talk about old times."
“马马虎虎。在市政部门做事。走吧，鲍勃，咱们到我熟悉的一个地方去，好好地叙叙旧吧。”close
26RT The two men started up the street, arm in arm. The man from the West was beginning to talk about the history of his career. The other listened with interest.
两人手挽着手，沿街前行，西部来的这位开始讲他的发迹史，另一位饶有兴致地听着。close
27RT At the corner stood a drug store, brilliant with electric lights. When they came into this glare (强光), each of them turned simultaneously (同时地) to gaze upon the other's face.
拐角处有一家药店，灯光明亮。来到通明的光线里，两人同时转身盯住对方的脸。close
28RT The man from the West stopped suddenly and released his arm.
西部来的人突然停下来，抽出手臂。close
29RT "You're not Jimmy Wells," he shouted all of a sudden. "Twenty years is a long time, but not long enough to change a man's nose from a Roman nose (鹰钩鼻) to a pug nose (扁鼻)."
“你不是吉米?韦尔斯！”他突然喊道，“二十年时间是很长，但也不至于把鹰钩鼻变成了塌鼻梁。”close
30RT "It sometimes changes a good man into a bad one," said the tall man. "You've been under arrest for ten minutes. Chicago thinks you may have dropped over (顺便拜访) our way and they want to have a chat with you. Going quietly with us, are you? That's sensible. Now, before we go on to the station, here's a note I was asked to hand you. You may read it here at the window."
“可是有时二十年会把一个好人变成恶棍，”高个子说道。“十分钟前你就已经被捕了。芝加哥方面认为你可能到我们这里来了，他们要和你谈谈
。还是老老实实地跟我们走吧，放聪明点！不过，我们去警所之前，你先看看这张字条，是一个人托我交给你的。你就在橱窗边上看吧。”close
31RT The man from the West unfolded (展开) the little piece of paper. His hand was steady when he began to read, but it trembled a little by the time he had finished. The note was rather short:
西部来的人展开小字条。开始读的时候手握得很稳，可读完时，手微微地抖动了起来。字条很短：close
32RT "Bob: I was at the appointed place on time. When you struck the match to light your cigar I saw it was the face of the man wanted in Chicago. Somehow I couldn't do it myself, so I went around and got a plain clothes man to do the job. JIMMY."
“鲍勃：我准时赴约了。当你划亮火柴点燃雪茄时，我发现你正是受到芝加哥警方通缉的人。可我自己无论如何动不了手，所以就走开，找了个便衣行使职责。吉米。”
How Deep Is Your Love?
Mansi Bhatia
close1RT Love to some is like a cloud
To some as strong as steel
For some a way of living
For some a way to feel
And some say love is holding on
And some say let it go
And some say love is everything
Some say they don't know
你的爱有多深
曼茜?巴蒂亚
有人认为爱如浮云
有人认为爱坚强如铁
有人认为爱是一种生活方式
有人认为爱是一种感觉
有人说爱要执着
有人说爱不要约束
有人说爱是生命的全部
有人说不知道爱为何物
close
2RT At some stage or the other in our lives we experience an emotion which defies definition. It's a feeling that can only be felt and not described. An overwhelming joy that comes together with its share of sadness. Love.
在我们生命中的某个阶段，我们会经历难以名状的情感。这种情感只能体会，无法用语言描述。莫大的喜悦伴随着丝丝的伤感一同降临，这就是爱。close
3RT Given the busy nature of our lives, it's to be appreciated that we even find the time to indulge in matters of the heart. But at the same time I wonder if we even understand its true depth. I remember having countless crushes while in school. My math teacher, our neighbour's son, my best friend's brother and lots of others whom I fancied for the colour of their eyes, the shape of their moustaches or just the way they walked. Harmless puppy loves that are as brief as soap bubbles. I can laugh about all those silly and adventurous thoughts and acts now but at that time nothing could be more serious an affair for me. Then came the stage of real relationships.
在紧张忙碌的生活中，我们竟能找到时间，沉湎于感情之中，这的确令人感佩。然而，此时我想知道：我们是否懂得爱到底有多么深刻。记得上学的时候，我迷恋的对象真是数不清：我的数学老师、邻居的儿子、好朋友的弟弟，还有另外一些因为眼睛
的颜色、胡子的形状或走路的姿势而让我倾慕的人。年少时的爱慕，不会带来伤害，如肥皂泡一样转瞬即逝。那些稚气、大胆的想法和行为，现在想来大可一笑了之。但是，在那时，对我来说，没有比恋爱更重要的事了。接着就进入了真正“谈”情“说”爱的阶段。close
4RT Being in an all girls' school I hardly had the opportunity to interact with members of the opposite gender. Socials between our school and the boys' college, therefore, would be awaited anxiously. Those three hours of unhesitant attention by a group of well-groomed young gentlemen provided us with enough content to talk and feel excited about for the next four weeks.
我在女子学校学习，和男孩子交往的机会寥寥无几，因此，我热切地期待着我们学校和男子学校举办的交谊会。交谊会上，一群精心打扮的年轻男子毫无顾忌地盯着我们。这三个小时中的点点滴滴，成了我们在以后四个星期中足够的谈资，我们在议论时，心情澎湃。close
5RT And even then there was no real need of having a boyfriend.
即使是在那个时候，我也没有真正交男朋友的需要。close
6RT I somehow grew up believing that love would happen when it had to. And sure enough it did. It came at an age when I had a career, a long-term plan and a more or less settled life (and now I am not yet 25!). I was mature enough to enter a relationship which demands a lot of give and not so much of take.
在我的成长岁月中，不知何故，我相信爱情该来的时候自然会来。事实果真如此。当我有了稳定的工作，有了长期的计划和比较安定的生活（我现在还不到25岁呢！）时，爱情降临了。我也比较成熟了，能够步入不贪图许多回报而需要大量付出的感情关系。close
7RT Love was a magnificent building I built on the foundation of friendship. It took time to blossom. It took a lot of understanding, loads of sharing and caring, and plenty of affection to become what it is today. And it meant a meeting of minds. You might say that I belong to the traditional school of romance. But in my opinion, love needs to be nurtured. And it has to be distinguished from the intense but short-lived love or the pleasures of the flesh.
我的爱情是在友谊这块地基上建起的高楼大厦。爱情经过旷日持久的培养才开花。我和我的恋人相互理解、同甘共苦、相互关心，投入了丰富的感情，才使爱情发展到今天。爱情意味着情投意合。你也许会说，我属于浪漫的传统派。但是，依我看，爱情需要培养。我们必须把爱情同强烈而短暂的激情或身体的愉悦区别开来。close
8RT Our parents' generation was fed lavishly with ideals. It was an era of constraints, restraints, respect, admiration, and plenty of romance. The long skirts, the quiet and unpretentious looks, the curled long hair,
the calmness, the shy glance — these are all so frequently remindful of a bygone era. An age when the distance between the sexes somehow managed to help preserve the holiness of love and relationships.
我们的父辈，接受了理想爱情的灌输。那是一个约束、压抑、崇敬、仰慕和十足浪漫的年代。长裙、娴静质朴的外表、卷曲的长发、恬静的气质、羞怯的目光 —— 这一切常使人想起一个消逝久远的年代。那个年代，男女之间的距离无论如何都有助于维持爱情以及恋爱关系的神圣性。close
9RT The younger generation, with its openness and fading lines of proximity, has jumped on the bandwagon of love with so much haste that it is difficult for them to distinguish between physical attraction and mental compatibilities. What we have been exposed to via the media have fast paced our sensibilities so much that taking things slow requires effort on our parts.
年轻的一代人，由于观念开放，随着男女之间交往界线的消退，他们便急于赶浪头，匆忙恋爱，以至于难以区分身体的互相吸引与心灵的相投。我们从媒体中接触到的人和事，使我们的感情历程大大加速，要想慢慢地体会自己的感受，确实需要付出努力。close
10RT I am sorry to learn about the kind of emotional baggage school kids are carrying in what are purely unemotional relationships. Some might blame the current state of affairs on peer pressure. But has anyone ever stopped to figure out where this peer pressure originates? Do any of us try and understand who is responsible for this shift? Does anyone bother to study the state of mind of the teenagers?
学校里的青少年在全然没有感情的关系中所背负的感情包袱，令我深感难过。也许有些人会把他们目前的感情状况归结为同龄人之间所施加的压力。但是，可曾有任何人停下来想一想同龄人之间的压力来自何处？我们是否尝试着弄清楚是谁造成了这样的转变？可曾有人费神去研究青少年的心理呢？close
11RT The mindset of this generation is all too evident in the way it handles its personal life. There are more relationships being distorted under the pressures of lust than ever before. There is more focus on physical beauty than on inner charm. There is more of closeness and less of intimacy. There is more of passion and less of emotion. There is more of acquiring and less of sharing. There is more of opportunism and less of selflessness. In short, there is more of ME and less of US.
从这一代人处理个人生活的方式上，我们很容易看出他们的思想倾向。跟从前相比，现在有更多的情感在欲望的压力下扭曲。他们更注重外表的美丽而忽视内在的魅力。两性交往随便了，亲密无间却少了；激情多了，感情却少了；个人获得的多了，相互间分享的少了；寻机获利的现象多了，无私的奉献
少了。简而言之，“自我”多了，爱的分享少了。close
12RT We have hardened ourselves so much in this competitive age that we have forgotten the essence of relationships. There's much more to being someone's lover than gifting them red roses and fifty-cent cards. What about gifting our object of affection, our time, our company, our support, our friendship? What about setting priorities in our lives and focusing on each with sincerity? What about trying to be self-sufficient emotionally before letting ourselves loose? What about giving ourselves, and others, time and space to forge relationships? What about working towards meaningful and lasting friendships? What about honouring our commitments? What about channeling our energies and emotions towards building lifelong bonds rather than wasting them on seasonal relationships?
在这个竞争激烈的年代，我们已经变得麻木不仁，将恋爱的实质抛于脑后。作为恋爱中的人，不只是意味着把红色的玫瑰花和五毛钱一张的卡片送给恋人，我们要做的事情还很多。我们将自己的时间、陪伴、支持和友谊作为礼物送给自己的恋人了吗？我们是否确定了生活中最重要的事情，而后真诚地做好每一件事？我们是否先在情感上成熟起来，再尽情地追求爱情？我们是否给自己、给他人足够的时间和空间以巩固恋情的发展？我们是否为了追求有意义的、永恒的友谊而不遗余力？我们是否履行了自己的承诺？我们是否将自己的精力和感情倾注于终生不渝的关系而不是浪费在朝秦暮楚的关系中？close
13RT We have but one life and we must experience everything that can make us stronger. True love happens once in a lifetime. And we should not have become so tired by our frivolous acts that when it comes we aren't able to receive it with open arms.
人的生命只有一次，我们必须去体验能使我们更为坚强的每件事。真正的爱情一生只有一次。我们任由轻佻的行为令自己身心疲惫，当真正的爱情到来时，我们却没有能力伸开双臂迎接它的降临。
T Holding Hands
Helen Troisi Arnery
close1RT My husband Paul's hands had a fine, firm feeling: warm, never cold, never moist, their slight pressure always reassuring (使安心的). And whenever those hands sought mine in the final days of his life, he pressed them both together around one of my hands.
牵 手
海伦?托尔西?阿诺里
丈夫保罗的手舒服有力：暖暖的，从来不会发凉潮湿，轻轻的一握总是令我感到安心踏实。在他生命最后的那些日子里，每次他摸到我的手，都会把我的一只手放在他的两手之间握着。close
2RT It was during that time, as I sat by his bed, that I tried to memorize his hands. They were twice as long as mine and half a hand wider. His fingers did not get thinner; they were long and square, laced with
fine veins (血管) all the way to the tips. His nails squared off (使成方形) the ends of his fingers, with clearly defined white edges. He had always taken great care to keep them neat. They were not tough hands; nor soft, either. They were the hands of a college professor whose tools were chalk and red pens.
也就是在那段时间里，我坐在他的床边，竭力记住他双手的样子。他的手比我的手要长一倍，宽一半；手指上下一般粗，方方长长的，毛细血管一直延伸到指尖。方正的指甲使得指尖也呈正方形，指甲一圈白色的边清晰可见。他总是悉心地让双手洁净无暇。它们既不粗糙，也不柔软多肉。那是双持粉笔和红墨水钢笔的大学教授的手。close
3RT I wondered if his students had difficulty reading his handwriting. I had grown used to it the year we were apart — engaged to be married, but separated — so he could pursue a master's degree at Bradley University, 800 miles away from our Pennsylvania hometown.
不知道他的学生是否觉得他的字难以辨认。我们分开的那年我渐渐熟悉了他的字体。我俩订婚后曾分隔两地，因为他要到距离宾夕法尼亚州（我们的家）800英里的布拉德利大学攻读硕士学位。close
4RT Had I remembered to tell him that I found his large hands beautiful? Did I ever explain that, before our marriage, when he was invited regularly to dinner in my home, my mother was fascinated with the quiet way he managed the silverware and coffee cups in his hands in which they nearly disappeared? Did I mention that in his clasp — in a movie, in sad moments in church, in the hospital beds to which the illnesses of his last four years confined him — I felt pure and honest expressions of his love?
不知我是否记得告诉过他我觉得他那双大手很美。不知我是否告诉过他，结婚前他定期到我家做客吃饭时，他使用银制餐具和咖啡杯的斯文样子，令我母亲十分欣赏，银具和杯盏在他手里几乎都没了踪影。也不知我是否告诉过他，在看电影时，在教堂悲伤时，在那张最后四年病魔困得他脱不了身的病榻上，他紧紧的一握令我至真至切地感受到了他的爱。close
5RT In those hands, also, originated his caring for his children. It was a point of pride that he gave our newborn daughter her first bath. At seven pounds and fourteen ounces, she fit comfortably into the length of those two hands, but his large fingers moved with grace and delicacy to bathe her and the five babies who followed.
他对孩子们的关爱之情也源于他的那双手。大女儿的第一个澡就是他给洗的，这让他倍感骄傲。7磅14盎司的女儿舒舒服服地躺在他那双大手里，长长的手指灵巧细致地给大女儿和后来的5个孩子洗浴。close
6RT Those hands, in our early hard times, gave haircuts to three sons in the course of their growing up and toweled t
hree daughters' hair dry after showers.
在我们早期艰难的日子里，那双手给三个正在长大的儿子理发，给三个浴后的女儿擦干头发。close
7RT They manipulated suitcases, with a maximum of sweat and a minimum of complaints in top-of-the-car carriers (置物架) of station wagons for trips to Pennsylvania to visit grandparents. They traced patterns in the air as he taught his marketing students in the university in which he had studied so many years before.
多少次要去宾夕法尼亚探望孩子的祖父母，在旅行大巴车顶上他那双手把一个个旅行箱往货架上放，他汗流浃背，但毫无怨言。在他早年曾就读过的大学里，他教授市场营销专业的学生，用这双手在空中比划出一个个营销模式。close
8RT Those hands clasped mine in the most frightening moments of his illnesses. They reached for mine through seven months of chemotherapy (化疗) and its agonizing side effects, through the few weeks of the end of his life, when children came to visit, give service (宗教仪式) and mourn (为???哀痛) in advance what they could clearly see was the end of their father's seventy-five years.
在他病得最令人胆颤心惊的时候，那双手紧紧地攥着我的手。在他经受7个月的化疗及其副作用的痛苦折磨期间，他向我伸出双手。在他生命的最后几个星期里，他向我伸出双手。孩子们来探视他，看出他们75岁的父亲命不久矣而提前祷告哀悼时，他还是向我伸出双手。close
9RT Those hands clasped mine in the deepest, darkest moment when he whispered in my ear, "I wonder ... how it is to die. I wonder if it hurts." I could only give him what I believed was the sum of his life — that he would be surrounded, uplifted, overjoyed with the glory of God.
在那最为黑暗的时刻，他攥着我的手，在我耳边小声说道：“不知道??????会是怎样死去。不知道会不会疼痛。”我当时唯一能告诉他的就是我深信他此生将有个圆满的结局：他会被簇拥着抬起，在上帝的荣光中感到无比欢愉。close
10RT Finally, he was no longer able to hold my hands. Early one morning, when I offered Paul a breakfast, he could no longer eat. In a state of nervous anxiety I clipped, filed (锉光) and whitened his fingernails. There was no movement, no recognition, no response as I laid his hands across his chest, where they had lain still for several days. Within an hour, when the nurse checked him with her stethoscope (听诊器), there was nothing left for me to do but close his bright green eyes and lay my hands on his for the last time, in the quiet peaceful corner of our bedroom.
最后，他再也没有力气握住我的手了。清晨，我给保罗喂早餐，他再也不能下咽了。我在紧张焦虑中修剪、打磨他的指甲，把指甲白色的边缘弄干净。我把他的手放到他的胸前（他的手放在那儿一动不动
已经好几天了），它们没有动静，没有认可，没有反应。一个小时的时间里，护士用听诊器做了检查，剩下我唯一能做的事就是合上他那双明亮的绿色眼睛，在我们卧室恬静的一隅里最后一次把我的手放在他的手上。close
11RT Months later, I opened the top drawer of Paul's dresser one Sunday and reached in for one of his clean, pressed handkerchiefs — I liked to use them now. What I touched was an opened pack of emery boards (指甲砂锉).
几个月后的一个周日，我打开保罗衣橱最上面的一个抽屉，取他折叠整齐的干净的手帕（我现在喜欢用那些手帕）时，我触摸到了一个开了封的指甲砂锉袋。close
12RT For seven-and-a-half months, my grief for my husband had been frozen within me like an icy presence that would not yield. Then, this last Sunday of February, I was undone by the simple presence of emery boards. Tears came as I closed my eyes and tried in vain to remember the clasp of Paul's hands.
7个半月里，对丈夫逝去的悲伤如同冰凌雪块封存在心中，不曾融化。可在二月的最后一个周日，目睹面前的指甲锉具，我无法克制自己了。我闭上眼睛，怎么也回忆不起保罗的双手握着我的手时的感觉，泪水夺眶而出。close
13RT Soon after, Stephen, the youngest — who most resembles his father — came to see me. When it was time to go, Stephen kissed me good-bye and then, impulsively, took my hand in both of his large, broad ones. For several moments, I couldn't speak. It was as though his father's long, graceful hands clasped mine once again. Still reassuring me.
那之后没过多少日子，斯蒂芬来看我，他是我们的最小的儿子，长得也最像他的父亲。临走的时候，斯蒂芬吻了吻我，和我道别；然后，把我的手一把攥在他那双又大又宽的手中。好一阵子，我说不出话来，仿佛他父亲那双长长的、雅致的手再次握住了我的手，令我依然感到安心平静。
The Pursuit of Happiness for the Common Good
Richard Layard
close1RT Over the last 50 years, we in the west have enjoyed unparalleled economic growth. We have better homes, cars, holidays, jobs, education and above all health. According to standard economic theory, this should have made us happier. But surveys show otherwise. When Britons or Americans are asked how happy they are, they report no improvement over the last 50 years. More people suffer from depression, and crime — another indicator of dissatisfaction — is also much higher.
追求以公众利益为宗旨的幸福
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理查德?莱亚德
在过去的50年里，我们西方国家的经济获得了史无前例的增长。我们的家园、车辆、假期、工作、教育，尤其是健康，均得以改善。依据标准经济理论，这些改善原本应该使我们更加幸福，然而，调查显示并非如此。英国人和美
国人接受幸福程度的调查时说，在过去的50年里，他们的幸福程度并没有得到改善。抑郁症患者人数上升，同时犯罪率大幅增长也说明了人们对生活的不满足。close
2RT These facts challenge many of the priorities we have set ourselves both as societies and as individuals. The truth is that we are in a situation previously unknown to man. When most people exist near the breadline, material progress does indeed make them happier. People in the rich world (above, say, $20,000 a head per year) are happier than people in poorer countries, and people in poor countries do become happier as they become richer. But when material discomfort has been banished, extra income becomes much less important than our relationships with each other: with family, with friends and in the community. The danger is that we sacrifice relationships too much in pursuit of higher income.
上述事实对我们个人以及社会优先考虑的诸多事情都提出了挑战。事实上，我们现在的处境是人类从未经历过的。当大多数人还在为温饱发愁时，物质条件的改善的确能令他们幸福一些。富庶国家（比如，人均年收入在两万美元以上）的人民比贫穷国家的人民幸福一些；而贫穷国家的人民，如果稍微富裕，也会幸福得多。然而，物质上的匮乏一旦消除，收入的增加便不如亲情、友情、邻里和睦等人际关系那么重要。但是，我们在追求更高的收入时牺牲了太多这样的关系，这很危险。close
3RT The desire to be happy is central to our nature. We all want a society in which people are as happy as possible and in which each person's happiness counts equally. That should be the philosophy for our age, the guide for public policy and for individual action. And it should come to replace the intense individualism which has failed to make us happier.
渴望幸福是人类本性的核心。人人都渴望这样一个社会：人们尽可能地幸福，每个人的幸福同等重要。这应当是我们这个时代的人生哲学，应当用来指导公共利益的维护准则和每个人的行为，应当逐渐取代无法使我们更加幸福的极端的个人主义。close
4RT Indeed, money is perceived as one of the key factors affecting a person's happiness. But can money alone make us happy in the long run? In any society, richer people are often happier than poor people. Yet, as a western country becomes richer, its people overall do not become happier. The reason for this is that over time our standards and expectations rise to meet our income. A Gallup poll has asked Americans each year: "What is the smallest amount of money a family of four needs to get along in this community?" The sums mentioned rise in line with average incomes. Since people are always comparing their incomes with what others have, or with what they are used to, they only feel better off if they move up relative to t
he norm.
金钱的确是影响个人幸福的关键因素之一。但是，金钱本身能使我们最终获得幸福吗？在任何一个社会，富人往往比穷人幸福。然而，当一个西方国家越来越富有的时候，其人民的幸福程度在总体上并未得到改善。随着时间的推移，我们的标准和期望随着收入的增加而上升。盖洛普民意测验每年都向美国人提问：“一个四口之家至少需要多少钱才能在这个国家生活下去？”人们说出的数字上升的幅度与平均收入增加的幅度是一样的。因为人们总是拿自己的收入和他人的收入以及他们惯于拥有的收入相比较，只有当他们认为和平均水准相比有所上升时才感到幸福。close
5RT This process can have counterproductive effects. I have an incentive to work and earn more: it will make me happier. So do other members of society, who also care about their relative standard of life. Since society as a whole cannot raise its position relative to itself, the effort which its members devote to that end could be said to be a waste — the balance between leisure and work has been shifted "inefficiently" towards work.
这一过程反而达不到预期的目的。我努力工作、赚更多钱的动力是：这会使我更幸福一些。其他的社会成员也同样如此，他们也关注自己相对的生活标准。既然社会整体无法以自己为参照物而提高自己的地位，那么社会成员为使自己更加幸福所付出的努力可以说是一种浪费 —— 当休闲与工作的天平偏向工作时，工作是“没有效率”的。close
6RT To reinforce the case, let me explain it in terms of status, which may derive as much from the earning of income as from the spending of it. People work, in part at least, to improve their status. But status is a system of ranking: one, two, three and so on. So if one person improves his status, someone else loses an equal amount. It is a zero-sum game: private life sacrificed in order to increase status is a waste from the point of view of society as a whole. That is why the rat race is so destructive: we lose family life and peace of mind in pursuing something whose total cannot be altered.
为了进一步证实这一论点，我从社会地位方面加以说明。人的地位可能来源于所挣得的收入或所花费的金钱。人们工作，至少部分原因是为了提高自己的地位。然而，地位是一种等级体系：第一，第二，第三，等等，所以当一个人的地位提高了，其他人的地位就同等程度地下降。这是一种得失平衡的游戏：从整个社会看，为了提高地位而牺牲个人的生活，是一种浪费。因此，永无止境的竞争极具破坏性：我们在追求一种总体不变的东西时失去了家庭生活和平和的心境。close
7RT In one sense, what people most want is respect. They seek economic status because it brings respec
t. But we can increase or decrease the weight we give to status. In an increasingly competitive society, life will become tougher for people in the bottom half of the ability range unless we develop broader criteria for respect. We should respect people who co-operate with others at no gain to themselves, and who show skill and effort at whatever level. That is why it is so important to enable everyone to develop a skill. In Britain, this means ensuring that all young people can take up an apprenticeship if they wish, so that those who have not enjoyed academic success at school can experience professional pride and avoid starting adult life believing themselves to be failures.
在某种意义上，人们最渴望的是尊重。他们追求经济地位因为它可以赢来尊重。但是，我们可以重视也可以轻视经济地位。在一个竞争日益激烈的社会，如果我们不放宽尊重的标准，社会上能力偏低的人会感到生活更加艰辛。我们应该尊重那些同他人一起合作而自己没有获益的人，那些在各个阶层上施展才能、努力工作的人。因此，让每个人都能学会一种本领尤为重要。在英国，这意味着只要年轻人愿意，一定要确保他们每个人都学会手艺，使那些学业不成功的人也能在职业生涯中感到自豪，不会在长大成人时觉得自己是失败者。close
8RT Some comparisons between people are inevitable, since hierarchy is necessary and unavoidable. Some people get promoted and others do not. Moreover, those who get promoted must be paid more, since they are talented and the employer wishes to attract talent. So pay is important at key moments as a way of affecting people's decisions about occupations or in choosing between employers. The problem is that in most jobs there is no objective measure of individual performance, so people must in effect be evaluated against their peers. But the ranking process, which is very subjective, fundamentally alters the relationship of co-operation between an employee and his boss, and between an employee and his peers.
人与人之间难免产生比较，因为等级体系的存在是必要的，不可避免的。有些人得到晋升，而另一些人却没有。此外，职位得以晋升的人薪水也要提高，因为他们有才华，雇主也乐意招贤纳士。所以，在人们挑选工作和选择雇主的关键时刻，薪水作为一个重要因素影响着他们的决定。存在的问题是，大部分的职业没有客观的标准来衡量个人的业绩，所以事实上只能拿一个人同自己的同事作比较才能得到评估。然而，这种等级评定的方法非常主观，从根本上改变了雇员与雇主、雇员与同事之间的合作关系。close
9RT If we want a happier society, we should focus most on the experiences which people value for their intrinsic worth and not because other people have them — above all, on relationships in the fam
ily, at work and in the community. It seems likely that the extra comforts we now enjoy have increased our happiness somewhat, but that deteriorating relationships have made us less happy.
如果我们渴望一个更加幸福的社会，我们就应该着重强调人们所珍视的经历 —— 首要的是亲情关系、工作关系和邻里关系，人们珍视这些经历并非因为别人拥有它们，而是因为这些经历拥有内在的价值。我们当前享受的充分的舒适和安逸，看来有可能使我们的生活幸福一些，可是人与人之间关系的恶化又有可能降低了我们的幸福程度。close
10RT We live in an age of unprecedented individualism. The highest obligation many people feel is to make the most of themselves, to realise their potential. This is a terrifying and lonely objective. Of course they feel obligations to other people too, but these are not based on any clear set of ideas in western societies. The old religious worldview is gone; so too is the postwar religion of social and national solidarity. We are left with no concept of the common good or collective meaning.
我们生活在一个空前的个人主义的时代。许多人都感到最重要的责任是充分发挥自己的才干，挖掘自己的潜力。这是一个可怕的、孤单的目标。当然，他们也感受到自己应该对他人承担的责任，但是在西方国家，这些责任缺乏一套清晰的理念。无论是古老的、虔诚的世界观，还是战后社会的团结精神和国家的凝聚意识，皆荡然无存。我们全然丧失了公共利益或集体意义的概念。close
11RT To become happier, we have to change our inner attitudes as much as our outward circumstances. I am talking of the everlasting philosophy which enables us to find the positive force in ourselves, and to see the positive side in others. Such compassion, to ourselves and others, can be learned and it ought to be taught in schools. Every city should have a policy for promoting a healthier philosophy of life in its youngsters and for helping them to distinguish between superficial pleasures and real happiness.
我们要想幸福一些，必须在改变外在环境的同时改变我们内在的态度。我说的是一种永恒的人生哲学，它能使我们在自身找到积极的力量同时也能发现他人身上蕴涵的积极因素。这种对他人和自己怀有的同情心，是可以学会的，学校应该将这种同情心教给学生。每个城市都应该有这样的政策：在年轻人中间推广更健康的人生哲学，帮助他们区别肤浅的快乐和真正的幸福。close
12RT So my hope is that in this new century we can finally adopt the greatest happiness of humankind as our concept of the common good. This would have two results. It would serve as a clear guide to policy. But, even more important, it would inspire us in our daily lives to take more pleasure in the happiness of others, and to pr
omote it. In this way we might all become less self-centered and more happy.
因此，我希望在这个新的世纪我们最终能够把人类的最大幸福当作我们的公益观。这可能有两个结果。这种人生观可以明确地指导政策的制定，但是更重要的是，在日常的生活中，它会激励我们因为别人幸福而感到更大的快乐，同时帮助他人获得更大的幸福。只有这样，我们才不会以自我为中心，才会更加幸福。
Material Things and Happiness
Marshall Brain
close1RT Material things do not necessarily bring you happiness. That is a fact of life. It is a hard fact to understand sometimes, especially in a society that strives to teach you otherwise.
物质财富与幸福生活
马歇尔?布雷恩
物质财富未必会带给你幸福。这是一个无可争辩的生活现实，但有时这一事实却难以理解，尤其在这个竭力向你灌输相反观念的社会里。close
2RT It is not uncommon to get into a mode where you think, "If only I had object X, my life would be perfect and I would be happy." You REALLY want something: a new TV, a new car, a special pair of shoes, whatever. Then you buy it and you LOVE having it for a few days. But over time you get bored or it wears out. You can see this pattern repeated constantly in your own life. For example, your parents and grandparents likely spent thousands and thousands of dollars on toys for you as you were growing up: Dump trucks (自卸货车) and Barbie dolls (芭比娃娃) and video games and electric cars and on and on and on. All of those toys got boring or broken or outgrown eventually. They brought happiness for a moment or a week, but over time they became worthless and your desire turned to a new object.
通常，你会陷入这样一种思维模式：“要是我拥有了X，我的生活就会完美无缺，幸福无比了。”你非常想要的东西可能是一台新电视机、一辆新车或者是一双特别的鞋子等等。尔后，你就购买了，几天都在因为得到了它而喜滋滋的。可是，过了段时间，你感到厌烦了，或者东西给用旧了。你会发觉这样一个模式在你自己的生活中不断地重复。比如在你小时候，你父母或祖父母可能花费了成千上万美元给你买玩具：自卸货车、芭比娃娃、电视游戏、电动汽车，等等等等。所有的那些玩具最终都会遭你厌倦、被你玩坏或因你长大而被搁置一边。它们带来了一阵子或者一星期的快乐，可时间一长，它们变得一文不值，你的兴趣转向了某个新玩意儿。close
3RT This pattern begs the following question: "If material things bring just a temporary and short-term happiness, then what does that mean?" It might mean that you have to buy material objects at a rate of perhaps one per day to sustain the temporary and short-term high of getting something new. This train of thinking (思路)
can get you into thinking of such questions as:
●What is happiness?
●What does it mean to be happy?
●What do I want to do in my life?
这样一种模式自然让人们提出以下的问题：“假如物质的东西带来的幸福只是昙花一现，那么这一切又意味着什么呢？”或许这就意味着，你得以一天一件的速度购置物品，才能维持住你因得到新东西而感受到的那种短暂的快感。循着这个思路，你可以接着考虑下面的这些问题：
●什么是幸福？
●感到幸福意味着什么？
●我这一生想做些什么？close
4RT There is a difference between material happiness, which implies having all the basic or extravagant (奢侈的) comforts necessary to live a life, and spiritual happiness, which implies something else altogether. I had a friend whose philosophy was this:
物质上的幸福和精神上的幸福是不同的。物质上的幸福基于生活所需的一切必需品和奢侈品；精神上的幸福则基于生活必需品和奢侈品之外的一切东西。我的一个朋友持有这样一个哲学观：close
5RT No matter how much money you make, you always want more. So if you make $25,000 a year, you believe that if you just made $50,000 you would be happy. But then you begin to make $50,000. At that point you believe that if you just made $100,000 you would be happy, and so on throughout life. This pattern is true whether you make $25,000 or $10,000,000 a year, because as you earn more money you acquire more expensive tastes. It seems to me that you might as well learn to be happy on $25,000 a year, figure out an easy way to earn it and then have the rest of your time free to do what you want.
你无论赚多少钱，你都想要更多的钱。假如你一年挣25,000美元，你会认为要是挣到50,000美元，你就会感到幸福了。于是，你就开始挣50,000美元。等挣够了那个数目，你又会想，假如挣到100,000美元你就会感到幸福了，就这样周而复始，终其一生。无论你一年挣25,000美元还是10,000,000美元，情况都是一样。因为你赚得越多，你的品味就越昂贵。依我看，不妨学会一年挣得25,000美元就感到满足，想出一个轻轻松松把它们赚到手的办法，然后用余下的时间去做你想做的事情。close
6RT This sort of philosophy suggests that you can find something other than material happiness to make your life meaningful.
根据这个哲学观，要想令你的生活富有意义，你可以寻找除物质幸福以外的东西。 close
7RT The thing about "wealth" is that there is more than one way to measure it. Traditionally it is measured in dollars, but there are many other scales. You can be "rich" in ways that have nothing to do with money. For example:
● Rich in friends. A person who cultivates friendships and who is a joy to be around can have hundreds of good friends and can be rich beyond the wildest dreams of other
s.
Rich in health. A person who spends time eating right, exercising and relaxing from stress can be extremely healthy, and this health can be far more valuable than any amount of money.
● Rich in strength. A person who works out with weights every day, runs, swims, etc. can be rich in strength and will have an attractive body.
● Rich in family. A person who devotes time to his or her spouse and children will have a strong and happy family that is rewarding throughout life.
● Rich in knowledge. A person who reads and studies will become rich in knowledge.
● Rich in skill. A person who practices anything daily (a skill, a sport, whatever) will excel (擅长) in that skill area. Excellence has its own rewards.
● Rich in character. A person who takes pains to be honest and truthful in all situations will become rich in character and will be trusted by everyone.
衡量“财富”这东西，办法不止一种。传统上它是用金钱来衡量，但是还有很多其他的度量标准。在与金钱没有丝毫关系的方面，你照样可以“腰缠万贯”。例如：
●富有众多的朋友。一个与人为友、乐观待人的人可以拥有数以百计的好友，可以超乎其他人想象得富裕。
●富有健康的体魄。一个愿意花时间合理进食、锻炼身体、消除压力的人可以身强体健。健康的体魄比起任何数目的金钱都要有价值得多。
●富有充沛的精力。一个每天举哑铃、跑步、游泳的人能够精力充沛，身材迷人。
●富有和睦的家庭。一个愿意把时间给配偶和孩子的人可以拥有一个稳定幸福的家庭，令他获益终身。
●富有知识。一个爱好阅读和钻研的人可以学富五车。
●富有技能。一个每天勤学苦练（某种技能、运动项目等等）的人会在所操练的领域出类拔萃。出类拔萃，自有回报。
●富有人格魅力。一个在一切场合殚精竭虑地做到真实、坦诚的人会富有人格的魅力，受到众人的信任。
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8RT One funny thing about all of these different areas is that none of them are taxed. You are taxed on the money you earn, and that is it. There is no knowledge tax, for example. You can learn freely throughout life and acquire a huge "bank account (银行账户)" of knowledge. No one can steal it or diminish (减少) it in any way. Presumably, knowledge is the one thing you might be able to take with you to Heaven.
有趣的是，上述源自不同领域的这些财富都用不着上税。可你挣了钱是要缴纳所得税的，就是这么回事。没有什么（比如说）知识税。你可以分文不花地终身学习，获得丰厚才识的储备。没有人可以将其盗走、令其减少。知识很有可能就是那件你能够带入天堂的东西。close
9RT All of these alternative types of wealth are different from financial wealth, and yet all of them can be equally rewarding in their own ways. The point