I'm telling you, if xenon emits ultraviolet light,
hen those dark matter discoveries must be wrong.
Yes, well, if we lived in a world
where slow-moving xenon produced light,
then you'd be correct.Also, pigs would fly,
my derriere would produce cotton candy,
and The Phantom Menace would be a timeless classic.
Oh, you're so arrogant.
If you were a superhero,
your name would be Captain Arrogant.
And you know what your superpower would be?
Arrogance.
You're wrong again.
If my superpower were arrogance,
my name would be Dr. Arroganto.
I love watching Raj and Sheldon try to work together.
Yeah, it's like if Alien and Predator decided
to go partners in a Jamba Juice.
Has it occurred to you you're missing the big picture?
- If you look at neutron scattering data... - Oh, Penny?
- Penny? - What's up?
Nothing. I just wanted to make Raj stop talking.
No, no, no.He won. Suck it up.
Well, I'd ask you guys if you want dessert,
but I know Sheldon doesn't eat dessert on Tuesdays.
And even if Raj wanted something, he couldn't tell me.
Howard won't order anything,
but he will come up with some sort of skeevy comment
involving the words pie or cheesecake.
And Leonard's lactose intolerant,
so he can't eat anything here
without his intestines blowing up like a balloon animal.
Hang on a second.
I could have the fruit platter.
ou want the fruit platter?
- Does it have melon on it? - Yeah.
No, I can't eat melon.
Oh, Howard, heads up.
Your ex-girlfriend just came in for her shift.
When was the last time you saw her?
Oh, not since we broke up.
Wow. How am I going to play this?
Sophisticated and relaxed?
Friendly, noncommittal?
Cold and distant?
Hi, guys.
Hello.
see you decided to go with pathetic and frightened.
It's one of his best moves.
So, my dear, we meet again.
Hello, Howard.I've missed you.
I've missed you, Katee Sackhoff.
One question. - Anything.
Why am I wearing my Battlestar Galactica flight suit in bed?
Why are you in bed with me?
If we start to question this, it all falls apart.
Sorry. Oh, ravish me, Howard.
My loins ache for you.
Okay, if you insist.
Howard, have you seen my girdle?!
No, Ma!
I can't find it, and I'm late for my Weight Watchers meeting!
Maybe it committed suicide!Leave me alone!
Now, where were we?
I believe you were about
to rip off my uniform with your teeth.
Bernadette?!
What are you doing here?
Well, if I had to guess, I'd say I'm here
because you saw me earlier this evening,
and you're still hung up on me.
No, I'm not.
Clearly you are.Otherwise, based on past experience,
we'd be done by now.
Okay, I'm a little confused here.
Oh, my. Can I help?
Not that kind of confused.
What's George Takei doing here?
Howard, do you have latent homosexual tendencies?
No, of course not.
So you say.
Yet, here I am.
George, let me ask you something.
How did you deal with being typecast as a science fiction icon?
It's difficult.
You try and stretch as an actor--
do Strindberg, O'Neill,
\but all they want is, "Course laid in, Captain."
Tell me about it.It's frackin' frustrating.
Wait. Katee, why are you leaving?
She's leaving because you really want to be with me.
Howard, I found my girdle!
It was in the dryer!
Great, Ma!
I think it shrunk!
I'm spilling out like the Pillsbury Doughboy here!
And with that mental picture,
I think we're done for the evening.
You never told me what happened between you and Bernadette.
I did a stupid thing.
Yeah, I guessed that.
It was the kind of thing that makes it kind of hard to face her now.
That covers anything from farting in bed
to killing a homeless guy.
Oh, my God.You ran over a hobo.
No. Stop asking.
All right, fine. So you want to get back together with her,
but you're too ashamed to face her
because of whatever it is you did.
In a nutshell. - Okay.
Well, how about this?
Kidnap Bernadette from the opera
wearing a creepy mask so she doesn't know it's you.
Now, you see, I don't know if you're kidding or not.
You're being unreasonable.
Why can't I have a desk?!
Our collaboration is a work of the mind.
We don't need desks.
You have a desk.
Correct. - But I can't have one.
You're two for two.
Why can't he have a desk, Sheldon?
Oh, Lord, will this day never end?
As I've explained repeatedly to Dr. Koothrappali,
whose ability to comprehend the American idiom fails him
when it's convenient.
There's absolutely no money in my budget for additional office furniture.
Oh, but there's money for a drawer full of Red Vines,
a marshmallow shooting rifle,
