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Ahh, the Simpsons
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- Aah!
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Now to our own pie in the sky-
Bill Pie in the KBBL trafficcopter.
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- So come in, Bill.
- Bad news, drivers.
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There's an overturned melon truck
on the interstate. Oh, it's a mess.
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There's lots of rubber neck in gandmelon
wrestling going on, so expect delays-
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- Hey, doughnuts!
- Bart, there's one left, and it's mine.
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Oh!
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- Aw, Homer!
- Aw, Dad!
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- Uh-oh, schoolbus!
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Cool your jets, man. We're coming.
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You forgot the special lunches I made.
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- That's okay, Mom!
- We got money!
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- Now, just a darn-
- Aah!
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Mmm.
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Oh.
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- This is Bill Pie, your pie in
the sky, saying good-bye. - KBBL
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Well, Maggie,
it's just you and me again.
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This is KBBL,
K- Babble, all talk, 24 hours a day.
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If you'd like to shareyour
embarrassing problem with our audience,
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we inviteyou to call our therapist
of the airwaves, Dr. Marvin Monroe.
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Our number is 555-PAl N.
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Don't be afraid. Call now.
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- Hello. I'd like to talk to Dr. Monroe.
- First name, age, problem?
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I'm Marge, 34,
and my problem is my husband.
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He doesn't listen to me.
He doesn't appreciate me.
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I don't know how much more
of this I can-
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Save your whining for when
you're on the air, okay?
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Okay, let's see.
Next we have Marge.
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She's 34 and trapped in
a loveless sham of a marriage.
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Hey, turn it up.
I love hearing those wackos.
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- Tell me 'bout your husband, Marge.
- Well-
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When we were dating,
he was sweeter...
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and more romantic and 40 pounds thinner,
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and he had hair,
and he ate with utensils.
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- What was that last thing you said? Ah.
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Isn't that your wife, Homer?
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Don't be ridiculous.
My wife worships the ground I walk on.
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Marge,
it's what I call "harsh reality time. "
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Your husband sees you as nothing.
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- Oh. Okay. Well, thank you.
- No, no, no, don't hang up.
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The pig has made you
into his mother.
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You are not the hot love object
you deserve to be.
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- Really?
- I'm as sure of it as I'm sure my voice is annoying.
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Tonight, the second
he comes through that front door,
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you've got to tell him you're fed up, and if
he doesn't start loving, you will be leaving.
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Leave Homer?
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- Don't use his real name!
- Leave Pedro?
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- Can you be that honest?
- Yeah.
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- You'll tell him right when he comes home from work.
- Yeah!
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- Say it likeyou mean it.
- Yeah!
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- Attagirl.
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Come on, Bart. Not again.
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- Where's your sense of humor?
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- Moe's Tavern.
- Hello. Is Al there?
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- Al?
- Yeah, Al. Last name, Coholic.
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Lemme check.
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Phone call for Al, Al Coholic!
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- Is there an Al Coholic here?
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Wait a minute. Listen,
you little yellow-bellied rat jackass.
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If I ever find out who you are,
I'll kill ya!
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I hope you
do find
that punk someday, Moe. Fill 'er up.
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Is eveything okay?
Usually you have a quick one,
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some peanuts, beefjerky,
pickled eggs, and you're outta here.
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Let'sjust say I don't feel
like going home tonight. jar, please.
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Hey, you can level with me.
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- You got a domestic situation?
- You might say that.
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My wife's gonna leave me
'cause she thinks I'm a pig.
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- Homer.
- What?
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- Marge is right. You are a pig. You can ask anyone in this bar.
- What?
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Hey, Barney, am I a pig?
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You're no more ofa pig than I am.
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- Oh, no!
- See? You're a pig.
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Barney's a pig. Lary's a pig.
We're all pigs.
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Except for one difference.
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Once in a while,
we can crawl out of the slop,
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hose ourselves off
and act like human beings.
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Homer, buy your wife some flowers and
take her out for a night on the town.
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Candles, table cloth,
the whole nine yards.
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Gee, a romantic evening.
Nah, she's too smart to fall for that.
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I'm not done. After dinner,
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the two of you are going to check
into the fanciest motel in town...
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and not check out until
the next morning, if you get my drift.
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I read you loud and clear.
Heh, heh, heh, heh!
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- Wow, a quarter past 6:00.
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- What's keeping Dad?
- Yeah, who'd possibly be late on meatloaf night?
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Uh, I'd like some flowers.
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- What kind of flowers?
- You know, pretty ones, not dead.
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We have some beautiful
long-stem roses.
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- They're $55 a dozen.
- One, please.
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- Hey, Mom.
- How 'bout some grub?
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- Aaah!
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Your
husband sees you as nothing, as nothing.
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The pig has made you
into his mother, his mother.
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You are not the hot love object
you deserve to be,
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deserve to be,
deserve to be.
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If he doesn't start loving, leave him,
leave him, leave him, leave him.
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Marge, I, uh-
love you.
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No, that's not good.
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Marge, honey, I love you.
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Oh. Um-
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Marge, I loveya, baby.
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Marge, sweetie,"hooney," honey-
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Ah, this'll never work.
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- I love you, Marjorie.
- Oh, Homer.
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I love you too.
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Mmmwha!
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- A little predinner entertainment.
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- Moe's Tavern.
- Is Oliver there?
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- Who?
- Oliver Klozoff.
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Hold on. I'll check. Oliver Klozoff!
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- Call for Oliver Klozoff!
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And I made reservations
at the Chez Paree.
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But, Homer, it's so expensive.
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It matters not, mon frere.
And after desserts,
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we'll adjourn to our second-floor room
at the Offramp Inn.
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Oh, Homer!
I feel giddy!
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Wait. What about a baby-sitter?
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- Oops.
- Not to wory.
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Listen, ya lousy bum. If I ever get a
hold of you, I'll cut your belly open.
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Goodness. Must be a crossed wire.
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- Rubber Baby Buggy Bumper Baby-sitting
Service. - This is Marge Simpson.
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- I'd like a baby-sitter for the ev
ening.
- Wait a minute.
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The Simpsons.
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Lady, you've gotta be kidding!
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- Rubber Baby Buggy Bumper
Baby-sitting Service.
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Hello. This is Mr. S-Sampson.
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Did your wife just call a second ago?
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- No, I said Sampson, not Simpson.
- Thank God!
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Those Simpsons,
what a bunch ofsavages!
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- Especially that big-ape father.
- Doh!
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Actually, the Simpsons
are neighbors of ours,
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and we've found them to be a quite
misunderstood and underrated family.
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Mom, you look so glamorous.
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Well, tonight is a vey special night.
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Your father is taking me out
for dinner and dancing.
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- Dad dances?
- Like an angel.
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Ba, ba
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Ba-ba, ba-ba, ba-ba
ba-ba, ba, ba
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Ba, ba, ba, ba-ba
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- Ba-ba, ba-ba, ba, ba ba, ba,
ba-ba - Work that body, Homer.
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- You know, one day you'll learn to move like your old man.
- Not ifl can help it.
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Son, there's not a woman alive...
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who can resist a man
who knows how to mambo.
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- You don't have a clue, do you, Dad?
- Out, boy.
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- Out!
- What a grump.
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Hm. Hm.
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Hmm! Hm, hm.
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Hmm? Hee.
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Smooth as a baby's behind!
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Ba, ba, ba-ba, ba-ba
ba-ba, ba-ba, ba, ba
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- Precious, I think I hear the doorbell.
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I think you're right, dumpling.
Bart! Get the door!
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Aye, aye, mambo man.
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Oof!
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- Ba, ba, ba-ba, ba-ba ba-ba, ba,
ba - You must be the baby-sitter.
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- Yes. I am Miss Botz.
- just don't stand there, boy.
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- Help Miss Botz with her suitcases.
- I can handle my own luggage.
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Thank you for coming
on such short notice.
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Here are the phone numbers of
the restaurant where we'll be dining...
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and the motel where we'll
be spending the night.
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You'll have to put Maggie to bed now, but
Bart and Lisa can stay up for another hour.
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Until then, they can watch
a tape from ourvideo libray.
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Oh, boy! The Happy Little Elves
Meet the Curious Bear Cub.
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Oh, the Elves! The Elves!
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- Bye, kids! Watch out for the boy.
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Mmmwha! Bye, now.
Mmmwha! Be good.
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- Mmmwha! Gotta go.
- Ba, ba
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Ba, ba, ba-ba, ba-ba
ba-ba, ba, ba
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Come, children.
Let's go watch The Happy Little Elves.
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We've seen the Crappy Little Elves
about 14 billion times.
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- Maybe we can watch some real TV.
- We're gonna watch the tape.
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Aw! That's merely suggested
viewing matter, lady.
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Mom lets us watch
what ever we want.
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I said you're gonna watch this tape.
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And you're gonna do what I say,
or I'm gonna do something to you.
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And I don't know what that is, because
eveybody has always done what I say.
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They all look so tasty,
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but I think I'll eat
this one right there.
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- Why don't you pick one that's a little more frisky, sir.
- Why?
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Well, when you choose one
that's floating upsid
e down,
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it somewhat defeats the purpose
ofselecting a live lobster.
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Oh, okay. Then I'll take
that one there with the beady eyes.
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Excellent choice, sir.
May I lead you to your table?
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Oui, oui. After you.
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And I'll be seeing you later.
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Help! Help!
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Faster, faster!
We gotta save Bubbles.
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Oh, man, I can't take it anymore.
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- But I want to see what happens!
- You know what happens.
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They find Captain Kook's treasure.
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All the elves dance around
like idiots. I puke. The end.
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Bart, you're just like Chilly,
the elf who cannot love.
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- Now for some real TV.
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All right!
America's Most Armed and Dangerous.
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Oh, no! Bart!
We'll have nightmares!
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Relax. This is cinema verite.
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When the brutal, slow-motion killing
starts, I'll tell you to shut your eyes.
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The Cue Ball Killer should be considered
extremely armed and dangerous.
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if you think you've seen him,
call 1-800-U-SQUEAL.
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Homer, you look just like a little boy.
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- 'Cause I'm so care free?
- No, because you're wearing a bib.
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- More champagne?
- Mmm.
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Whoops. Time for a fill-up.
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Garcon! Another bottle of
your second-least-expensive champagne.
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The defenseless youngsters were tied up
and gagged in the living room...
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while the bandit roamed
through the house at will,
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stealing the valuable objects it took
the family a lifetime to shop for.
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You know, Marge,
this is just like when we were dating.
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Except for one thing-
no chaperone.
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Ho, ho, hoo!
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The Baby-sitter Bandit has left a trail
ofher daring nighttime robberies...
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across the continental
United States.
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She could be lurking anywhere,
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about to descend upon another house
full ofunsuspecting dupes.
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- Eee!
- Wow!
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In a moment, we will show you a picture
of the real Baby-sitter Bandit,
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Miss Lucille Botzcowski.
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- Remember, she may be using a clever alias...
- Botz!
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and should be considered
armed and dangerous!
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- Aaah!
- Aaah!
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Run for it!
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1-800-U-SNITCH.No, U-SQUEAL.
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- Oh, no!
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Don't forget to tell me
when you see the Offramp.
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Oh, thereit-
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went.
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No problemo.
We'll just get offat the next exit.
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Bart.
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Bart. Bart.
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Hmm.
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Time to brush your teeth,
wash your face...
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and say your prayers.
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Areyou in... here?
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Oh! Homemade pickled beets.
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Go ahead. Take 'em all.
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Seeing as no one was hurt, I think it
would be really silly to dwell on this.
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- Come on! Come on!
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- Finally!
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Hello, vigilant viewer.
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You have reached
America's Most Armed and Dangerous.
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I'm calling to report the Baby-sitter
Bandit! She's in our house right-
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Come on, Marge.
Let me carry you over the threshold.
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Okay, but watch out.
Don't slam my head like last time.
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Sheesh! Eleven years ago,
and you've never forgotten it!
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- Don't muss my hair!
- Ohh! Oh! Oh!
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Yi! Oh! Yeow!
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- Whee! This is fun!
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We know who you are, Miss Botz.
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Or should I say Miss Botzcowski?
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- You're the Baby-sitter Bandit.
- You're a smart, young man, Bart.
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- I hope you're smart enough to keep your mouth shut.
- He isn't.
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You're crazy if you think you're gonna
get awaywith this. You can't-
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I'm really not a bad person.
Here. While I finish up,
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you guys can watch the rest
of your favorite videocassette.
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Quiet, Bart!
Let's make the best of this.
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Maybe I'll go slip into something
a little more comfortable.
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Oh! Your blue thing with the things?
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- You'll see.
- Well, shake a leg, mama.
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Kidstuff!
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Hardly worth it.
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Lottajunk.
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Soileds.
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Stupid Sampsons.
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- Maggie! Maggie!
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Come here!
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- Good-bye!
- Good-bye, eveybody!
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- Bye!
- Yea!
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Maggie,
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wanna watch
The Happy Little Elves again?
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Okay, but you have
to untie me first.
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Oh, Homer!
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Oh, ho, ho, ho.
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- Oh, so you got out of your crib.
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I guess you need
to be tied up too.
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- Maggie, where are you?
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- Maggie! Maggie!
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- Heh, heh, heh.
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Homer, would it spoil the mood
if I called home,
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you know, just to check on the kids?
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Homer, wake up!
There's no answer at home.
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- So?
- So I'm worried. I think we should go home.
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All right.
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I suppose my workhere is done.
Heh, heh, heh, heh!
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Hello, vigilant viewer.
How may we help you?
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We caught her! We caught the Baby-sitter
Bandit! She's tied up at our house.
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- Ask if there's a reward.
- Is there a reward?
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- If she's convicted, we get T-shirts!
- Yeah!
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- How come all the lights are on?
- I don't like the looks of this.
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- Miss Botz!
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- Good Lord!
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What have those little
hellions done now?
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We're so sorry.
We're so sorry!
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Please turn off the TV.
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I can't tell you how chagrined we are
about all of this.
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Oh, these things are heavy.
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Just so there's no hard feelings,
here's double your pay.
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- No, no, triple.
- Thank you.
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- Mr. Sampson, can I give you a bit of advice?
- Sure.
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- Don't turn your back
on that boy for a second.
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Ain't that the truth?
You know, one time he-
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- Huh?
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This way to the scene of the crime,
men! I got her tied up in the den.
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Just a minute, young man!
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I don't know what kind of shenanigans
you've been pulling this time,
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but I just had to untie your baby-sitter
and pay her off so that-
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Excuse me. Are you saying to the world
that you just aided and abetted...
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the escape of the notorious
Baby-sitter Bandit?
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- The what?
- The Baby-sitter Bandit.
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Oh, uh, a-are you sure
this microphone works?
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Uh, well, I wouldn't say I aided her.
This is on, right?
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Because actually
it was quite a struggle.
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Oh, Homer!
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Have you ever seen a kung fu movie?
It was just like that.
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But now I know her moves.
So, if you're listening to me, lady,
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you'd better think long and hard before tying
something like this on Homer Simpson again!
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- Lord, help me.
I'm just not that bright.
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Oh, Homer, don't say that.
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The way I see it,
if you raise three children...
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who can knock out and hogtie a perfect
stranger, you must be doing something right.
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Yeah.
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Yeah!
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Mmmmwha!
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Honey, can we make up again?
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Oh, my goodness!
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Subtitles By
Captions, Inc. Los Angeles
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- Shh!