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老友记第一季剧本108. The One Where Nana Dies Twice[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is on a coffee break. Shelley enters.]break: 休息-Shelley: Hey gorgeous, how's it going?【gorgeous: A beautiful girl/guy –from Urban Dictionary】嗨,帅哥，你怎么样？-Chandler: Dehydrated Japanese noodles under fluorescent lights... does it get better than this? dehydrated: 脱水的noodle: 面条fluorescent: 日光灯在荧火灯下吃日本方便面……我能有多好？-Shelley: Question. You're not dating anybody, are you, because I met somebody who would be perfect for you.date: 约会问个问题。
你没有约会对象，是吧，因为我碰到个人对你来说相当完美。
-Chandler: Ah, you see, perfect might be a problem. Had you said 'co-dependent', or 'self-destructive'...co-dependent: 相互依靠的self-destructive: 自我毁灭的啊，是啊，不过“完美”也许有点不恰当。
你可以说“相互依靠”，或者“自我毁灭”。
-Shelley: Do you want a date Saturday?你想星期六约会吗？-Chandler: Yes please.是啊请说吧。
第一季20 集：The One With the Evil Orthodontist[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there.]scene: 场景everyone: 每个人-Chandler: I can't believe you would actually say that. I would much rather be Mr. Peanut than Mr. Salty.believe: 相信actually: 实际上rather: 宁愿，宁肯Mr. Salty Mr. Peanut: 【花生先生和咸味先生，这又是两个卡通人物。
剧中Chandler勒和乔伊便吃着根据这个形象做的玉米果小吃，边在争执两个角色哪个比较好。
】我真不敢相信你会这么说，我是花生先生而非咸味先生。
-Joey: No way! Mr. Salty is a sailor, all right, he's got to be, like, the toughest snack there is. way:方式，道路sailor: 海员, 水手tough: 强硬的, 艰苦的, 坚强的snack: 点心，小吃才怪，盐先生是个水手，他应该是最顽强的点心。
-Ross: I don't know, you don't wanna mess with corn nuts. They're craaazy.wanna : =want to想要mess with:胡乱摆弄corn: <美>玉米我不知道，你不会想和玉米作对的。
-Monica: (looking out of the window) Oh my God. You guys! You gotta come see this! There's some creep out there with a telescope!out of: 在…之外gotta : =have got to 必须creep：爬, 蹑手蹑脚, 蔓延creep: 变态telescope: 望远镜上帝呀！快看！有个变态拿着望远镜。
10 2The One With the Sonogram at the End[Scene Central Perk, everyone's there.]Monica: What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it. Joey: Yeah, right!.......Y'seriousPhoebe: Oh, yeah!Rachel: Everything you need to know is in that first kiss.Monica: Absolutely.Chandler: Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.Ross: Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that-that... that's not why we bought the ticket.Chandler: The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again, y'know I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic... basically just trying to stay awake.Rachel: Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone.Joey: (pause)....Are we still talking about sexOpening Credits[Scene: Museum of Prehistoric History, Ross and a co-worker (Marsha) are setting up an exhibit which includes some mannequins of cave people.]Ross: No, it's good, it is good, it's just that- mm- doesn't she seem a little angryMarsha: Well, she has issues.Ross: Does she.Marsha: He's out banging other women over the head with a club, while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of the carpet!Ross: Marsha, these are cave people. Okay They have issues like 'Gee, that glacier's getting kinda close.' SeeMarsha: Speaking of issues, isn't that your ex-wife(Carol, Ross's ex-wife, has entered behind them and is standing outstide the exhibit.) Ross: (trying to ignore her) No. No.Marsha: Yes, it is. Carol! Hi!Ross: Okay, okay, yes, it is. (waves) How about I'll, uh, catch up with you in the Ice Age. (Marsha extis and Ross waves Carol into the exhibit.)Ross:Hi.Carol: So.Ross: You look great. I, uh... I hate that.Carol: Sorry. You look good too.Ross: Ah, well, in here, anyone who... stands erect... So what's new Still, uh...Carol: A lesbianRoss: Well... you never know. How's, um.. how's the familyCarol: Marty's still totally paranoid. Oh, and, uh-Ross: Why- why are you here, CarolCarol: I'm pregnant.Ross: Pregnant![Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are watching Three's Company.]Chandler: Oh, I think this is the episode of Three's Company where there's some kind of misunderstanding.Phoebe:...Then I've already seen this one! (Turns off the TV.)Monica: (taking a drink from Joey) Are you through with thatJoey: Yeah, sorry, the swallowing slowed me down.Monica: Whose little ball of paper is this!Chandler: Oh, uh, that would be mine. See, I wrote a note to myself, and then I realised I didn't need it, so I balled it up and... (sees that Monica is glaring at him) ...now I wish I was dead.(Monica starts to fluff a pillow.)Phoebe: She's already fluffed that pillow... Monica, you know, you've already fluffed that- (Monica glares at her.) -but, it's fine!Monica: Look , I'm sorry, guys, I just don't wanna give them any more ammunition than they already have.Chandler: Yes, and we all know how cruel a parent can be about the flatness of a child's pillow.Phoebe: Monica- Hi! Um, Monica, you're scaring me. I mean, you're like, you're like all chaotic and twirly. And not-not in a good way.Joey: Yeah, calm down. You don't see Ross getting all chaotic and twirly every time they come.Monica: That's because as far as my parents are concerned, Ross can do no wrong. Y'see,he's the Prince. Apparently they had some big ceremony before I was born.Chandler: (looking out the window) Ew, ew, ew, ew ew ew ew ew!Monica: WhatChandler: Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster!All: Eeaagh!(Rachel enters from her room.)Rachel: Has anybody seen my engagement ringPhoebe: Yeah, it's beautiful.Rachel: Oh God, oh God, oh God oh God oh God oh God.... (Starts to look under the couch cushions.)Phoebe: No, look, don't touch that!Rachel: Oh, like I wasn't dreading tomorrow enough, having to give it back to him... 'Hi Barry! Remember me I'm the girl in the veil who stomped on your heart in front of your entire family!' Oh God and now I'm gonna have to return the ring, without the ring, which makes it so much harder...Monica: Easy Rach, we'll find it. (To all) Won't we!Chandler and Joey: Oh! Yeah!Joey: Alright, when'd'ya have it on lastPhoebe: Doy! Probably right before she lost it!Chandler: You don't get a lot of 'doy' these days...Rachel: I know I had it this morning, and I know I had it when I was in the kitchen with... Chandler: ...DinahRachel: (looks at the lasagne and realizes something) Ohhhhh, don't be mad...Monica: You didn't.Rachel: Oh, I am sorry...Monica: I gave you one job! (Starts to examin the lasagne through the bottom of the glass pan.)Rachel: Oh, but look how straight those noodles are!Chandler: Now, Monica, you know that's not how you look for an engagement ring in a lasagne...Monica: (puts down the lasagne) I just... can't do it.Chandler: Boys We're going in.(Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe start to pick through the lasagne as there's a knock on the door which Monica answers.)Ross: (standing outside the door) (i)Monica: Wow. That is not a happy hi.Ross: Carol's pregnant.Phoebe: (while everyone else is stunned) Ooh! I found it!Monica: W-w-wh-... wha-... w-w-w-...Ross: Yeah. Do that for another two hours, you might be where I am right about now. (He enters.)Chandler: Kinda puts that whole pillow thing in perspective, huh, MonRachel: Well now, how-how do you fit into this whole thingRoss: Well, Carol says she and Susan want me to be involved, but if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be involved.. basically it's entirely up to me.Phoebe: She is so great! I miss her.Monica: What does she mean by 'involved'Chandler: I mean presumably, the biggest part of your job is done.Ross: Anyway, they want me to go down to this- sonogram thing with them tomorrow. Rachel: So what are you gonna doRoss: I have no idea. No matter what I do, though, I'm still gonna be a father.(Joey starts to eat the rest of the lasagne and everyone turns and stares at him.)Joey: .....Well, this is still ruined, right[Scene, Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Ross are pouring wine for their parents.]Mrs. Geller: Oh, Martha Ludwin's daughter is gonna call you. (Tastes a snack) Mmm! What's that curry tasteMonica: Curry.Mrs. Geller: Mmmm!Ross: I- I think they're great! I, I really do.Mr. Geller: (To Ross) Do you remember the Ludwins The big one had a thing for you, didn't sheMrs. Geller: They all had a thing for him.Ross: Aw, Mom...Monica: I'm sorry, why is this girl going to call meMrs. Geller: Oh, she just graduated, and she wants to be something in cooking, or food, or....I don't know. Anyway, I told her you had a restaurant-Monica: No Mom, I don't have a restaurant, I work in a restaurant.Mrs. Geller: Well, they don't have to know that... (She starts to fluff the same pillow Monica fluffed multiple times earlier.)Monica: Ross, could you come and help me with the spaghetti, pleaseRoss: Yeah. (They go to the kitchen.)Mrs. Geller: Oh, we're having spaghetti! That's.... easy.Monica: I know this is going to sound unbelievably selfish, but, were you planning on bringing up the whole baby/lesbian thing Because I think it might take some of the heat off me.[Time Lapse, everyone is now eating.]Mrs. Geller: What that Rachel did to her life.... We ran into her parents at the club, they were not playing very well.Mr. Geller: I'm not gonna tell you what they spent on that wedding... but forty thousand dollars is a lot of money!Mrs. Geller: Well, at least she had the chance to leave a man at the altar...Monica: What's that supposed to meanMrs. Geller: Nothing! It's an expression.Monica: No it's not.Mr. Geller: Don't listen to your mother. You're independent, and you always have been! Even when you were a kid... and you were chubby, and you had no friends, you were just fine! And you would read alone in your room, and your puzzles...[Time Lapse.]Mr. Geller: Look, there are people like Ross who need to shoot for the stars, with his museum, and his papers getting published. Other people are satisfied with staying where they are- I'm telling you, these are the people who never get cancer.[Time Lapse.]Mr. Geller: ...And I read about these women trying to have it all, and I thank God 'Our Little Harmonica' doesn't seem to have that problem.Monica: (trying desperately to change the subject) So, Ross, what's going on with you Any stories (Digs her elbow into his hand.) No news, no little anecdotes to share with the folks Ross: (pulls his hand away) Okay! Okay. (To his parents) Look, I, uh- I realise you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Carol and me, and, so, well, here's the deal. Carol's a lesbian. She's living with a woman named Susan. She's pregnant with my child, and she and Susan are going to raise the baby.(Stunned silence ensues.)Mrs. Geller: (To Monica) And you knew about this!Commercial Break[Scene: Central Park, everyone's there.]Joey: Your folks are really that bad, huhRoss: Well, y'know, these people are pros. They know what they're doing, they take their time, they get the job done.Monica: Boy, I know they say you can't change your parents,... boy, if you could- (To Ross) -I'd want yours.Ross: Must pee. (Goes to pee.)Phoebe: Y'know, it's even worse when you're twins.Rachel: You're twinsPhoebe: Yeah. We don't speak. She's like this high-powered, driven career type. Chandler: What does she doPhoebe: She's a waitress.Rachel: All right, you guys, I kinda gotta clean up now. (They all start to leave.)Monica: Chandler, you're an only child, right You don't have any of this.Chandler: Well, no, although I did have an imaginary friend, who... my parents actually preferred.Rachel: The lights, please..(Joey turns off the lights, and they all leave as Rachel starts to clean up. Ross enters from the bathroom.)Ross: ...How long was I in thereRachel: I'm just cleaning up.Ross: D'ya.. uh.. d'ya need any helpRachel: Uh.. okay, sure! Thanks! (She hands him the broom and sits down.)Ross: Anyway.. um.. (Starts to sweep.) So, you- uh- you nervous about Barry tomorrow Rachel: Oh.. a little..Ross: Mm-hmm..Rachel: A lot.Ross: Mm.Rachel: So, got any advice Y'know, as someone who's recently been- dumpedRoss: Well, you may wanna steer clear of the word 'dumped'. Chances are he's gonna be this, this broken shell of a man, y'know, so you should try not to look too terrific, I know it'll behard. Or, y'know, uh, hey!, I'll go down there, and I'll give Barry back his ring, and you can go with Carol and Susan to the OB/GYN...Rachel: Oh, you've got Carol tomorrow.. When did it get so complicatedRoss: Got me.Rachel: Remember when we were in high school togetherRoss: Yeah.Rachel: I mean, didn't you think you were just gonna meet somone, fall in love- and that'd be it (Ross gazes at her.) ..RossRoss: Yes, yes!Rachel: Oh! Man, I never thought I'd be here.. (She leans back onto his hand.)Ross: Me either... (He pulls up a stool so that he doesn't have to move his hand.) [Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, Carol is waiting.]Ross: (entering) Sorry I'm late, I was stuck at work. There was this big dinosaur.. thing.. anyway.(Susan enters holding a drink.)Susan: Hi.Carol: Ross, you remember Susan.Ross: How could I forgetSusan: Ross.Ross: (they shake hands) Hello, Susan. (To Carol) Good shake. Good shake. So, uh, we're just waiting for...Carol: Dr. Oberman.Ross: ..Dr. Oberman. Okay. And is he-Susan: She.Ross: -she, of course, she- uh- familiar with our.. special situationCarol: Yes, and she's very supportive.Ross: Okay, that's great. (Susan gives her drink to Carol.) No, I'm- Oh.Carol: Thanks.Ross: (picks up a surgical instrament and mimes a duck with it) Quack, quack..Carol: Ross That opens my cervix. (He drops it in horror.)[Scene Barry's office, Barry is working on patient, Robbie, as Rachel enters.]Rachel: BarryBarry: C'mon in.Rachel: (hesitates) Are you sureBarry: Yeah! It's fine, it's fine. Robbie's gonna be here for hours.Robbie: Huh!Barry: So, how ya doinRachel: I'm- uh- I'm okay... You look great!Barry: Yeah, well..Bernice: (over intercom) Dr. Farber, Jason Greenstein's gagging.Barry: (answering the intercom) Be right there. (To Robbie and Rachel) Be back in a sec. (As Barry exits Robbie stares at Rachel.)Rachel: I dumped him.Robbie: Okay.[Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, they're talking about how this is going to work.]Ross: So, um- so how's this, uh, how's this gonna work Y'know, with us Y'know, when, like, important decisions have to be madeCarol: Give me a 'for instance'.Ross: Well, uh, uh, I don't know, okay, okay, how about with the, uh, with the baby's name Carol: Marlon-Ross: Marlon!Carol: -if it's a boy, Minnie if it's a girl.Ross: ...As in MouseCarol: As in my grandmother.Ross: Still, you- you say Minnie, you hear Mouse. Um, how about, um.. how about Julia Carol: Julia..Susan: We agreed on Minnie.Ross: 'S'funny, um, uh, we agreed we'd spend the rest of our lives together. Things change, roll with the punches. I believe Julia's on the table..[Scene: Barry's office, Rachel is doing her makeup in the mirror on Barry's lamp as Barry enters.]Barry: Sorry about that. So. What have you been up toRachel: Oh, not much. I-I got a job.Barry: Oh, that's great.Rachel: Why are- why are you so tannedBarry: Oh, I, uh- I went to Aruba.Rachel: Oh no. You went on our honeymoon aloneBarry: No. I went with, uh.. Now, this may hurt.Robbie: Me!Barry: No! (To Rachel) I went with Mindy.Rachel: Mindy! My maid of honour, Mindy!Barry: Yeah, well, uh, we're kind of a thing now.Rachel: Oh! Well, um.. (Grabs his forehand) You've got plugs!Barry: Careful! They haven't quite taken yet.Rachel: And you've got lenses! But you hate sticking your finger in your eye!Barry: Not for her. Listen, I really wanted to thank you.Rachel: Okay..Barry: See, about a month ago, I wanted to hurt you. More than I've ever wanted to hurt anyone in my life. And I'm an orthodontist.Rachel: Wow.Barry: You know, you were right I mean, I thought we were happy. We weren't happy. But with Mindy, now I'm happy. Spit.Rachel: WhatRobbie: Me. (Spits.)Rachel: Anyway, um, (Gets the ring out of her purse.) I guess this belongs to you. And thank you for giving it to me.Barry: Well, thank you for giving it back.(Barry and Rachel look at each other.)Robbie: Hello![Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, they're still arguing about what to name the baby.]Susan: Oh, please! What's wrong with HelenRoss: Helen Geller I don't think so.Carol: Hello It's not gonna be Helen Geller.Ross: Thank you!Carol: No, I mean it's not Geller.Ross: What, it's gonna be Helen WillickCarol: No, actually, um, we talked about Helen Willick-Bunch.Ross: Well, wait a minute, wha- why is she in the titleSusan: It's my baby too.Ross: Oh, 's'funny, really Um, I don't remember you making any sperm.Susan: Yeah, and we all know what a challenge that is!Carol: All right, you two, stop it!Ross: No no no, she gets a credit, hey, I'm in there too.Carol: Ross. You're not actually suggesting Helen Willick-Bunch-Geller 'Cause I think that borders on child abuse.Ross: Of course not, I'm... suggesting Geller-Willick-Bunch.Susan: Oh, no, nonononono, you see what he's doing He knows no-one's gonna say all those names, so they'll wind up calling her Geller, then he gets his way!Ross: My way! You-you think this is my way Believe me, of all the ways I ever imagined this moment in my life being, this is not my way- y'know what Uh, um, this is too hard. I'm not, I can't do-Dr. Oberman: (entering) Knock knock!How are we today Any nauseaAll: Yeah. Yeah. A little.Dr. Oberman: Well, I was just wondering about the mother-to-be, but.. thanks for sharing. (To Carol) Uh, lie back..Ross: You- uh- y'know what, I'm gonna go. I don't- I don't think I can be involved in this particular thing right now.(He turns to go, but the sound of the sonogram catches hes ear. He returns and stares at it.) Ross: Oh my God.Susan: Look at that.Carol: I know.Closing Credits[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment, everyone is watching the tape of the sonogram. Rachel is on the phone.]Ross: Well Isn't that amazingJoey: What are we supposed to be seeing hereChandler: I dunno, but.. I think it's about to attack the Enterprise.Phoebe: You know, if you tilt your head to the left, and relax your eyes, it kinda looks like an old potato.Ross: Then don't do that, alrightPhoebe: Okay!Ross: (walks over to where Monica is standing)Monica. Whaddya thinkMonica: (welling up) Mm-hmm.Ross: Wh- are you welling upMonica: No.Ross: You are, you're welling up.Monica: Am not!Ross: You're gonna be an aunt.Monica: (pushes him and starts to cry) Oh shut up!Rachel: (on phone) Hi, Mindy. Hi, it-it's Rachel. Yeah, I'm fine. I-I saw Barry today. Oh, yeah, yeah he-he told me. No, no, it's okay. I hope you two are very happy, I really do. Oh, oh, and Mind, y'know, if-if everything works out, and you guys end up getting married and having kids- and everything- I just hope they have his old hairline and your old nose. (Slamsthe phone down.) (To everyone) Okay, I know it was a cheap shot, but I feel so much better now.End。
Monica: There's nothing to tell! He's justsome guy I work with!Joey: C'mon, you're going out with the guy! There's gotta be something wrong with him!Chandler: All right Joey, be nice.So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?Phoebe: Wait, does he eat chalk?(They all stare, bemused.)Phoebe:Just, 'cause, I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl- oh!Monica: Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It's just two people going out to dinner and- not having sex.Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.[Time Lapse]Chandler:Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally naked.All: Oh, yeah. Had that dream.Chandler: Then I look down, and I realize there's a phone... there. Joey: Instead of...?Chandler: That's right.Joey: Never had that dream.Phoebe: No.Chandler:All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now I don't know what to do, everybody starts looking at me.Monica: And they weren't looking at you before?!Chandler: Finally, I figure I'd better answer it,and it turns outit's my mother, which is very-very weird, because- she never calls me![Time Lapse, Ross has entered.]Ross: (mortified) Hi.Joey: This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself.Monica:Are you okay, sweetie?Ross: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck...Chandler: Cookie?Monica: (explaining to the others) Carol moved her stuff out today.Joey: Ohh.Monica:(to Ross) Let me get you some coffee.Ross: Thanks.Phoebe:Ooh! Oh! (She starts to pluck at the air just in front of Ross.)Ross:No, no don't! Stop cleansing my aura! No, just leave my aura alone, okay?Phoebe: Fine! Be murky!Ross:I'll be fine, alright? Really, everyone. I hope she'll be very happy.Monica: No you don't.Ross:No I don't, to hell with her, she left me!Joey: And you never knew she was a lesbian...Ross:No!! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that? Shedidn't know, how should I know?Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian... (They all stare at him.) Did I say that out loud?Ross:I told mom and dad last night, they seemed to take it pretty well.Monica: Oh really, so that hysterical phone call I got from a woman at sobbing 3:00 A.M., "I'll never have grandchildren, I'll never have grandchildren." was what? A wrong number?Ross: Sorry.Joey:Alright Ross, look. You're feeling a lot of pain right now. You're angry. You're hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is?(Ross gestures his consent.)Joey:Strip joint! C'mon, you're single! Have some hormones!Ross:I don't want to be single, okay? I just... I just- I just wanna be married again!(Rachel enters in a wet wedding dress and starts to search the room.)Chandler: And I just want a million dollars! (He extends his hand hopefully.)Monica: Rachel?!Rachel:Oh God Monica hi! Thank God! I just went to your building and you weren't there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are, you are!Waitress: Can I get you some coffee?Monica: (pointing at Rachel) De-caff. (to All) Okay, everybody,this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. (to Rachel) This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother Ross?Rachel: Hi, sure!Ross: Hi.(They go to hug but Ross's umbrella opens. He sits back down defeated again. A moment of silence follows as Rachel sits and the others expect her to explain.)Monica: So you wanna tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?Rachel:Oh God... well, it started about a half hour before the wedding.I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents, and I was looking at this gravy boat. This really gorgeous Lamauge gravy boat. When all of a sudden- (to the waitress that brought her coffee)Sweet 'n' Lo?- I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry! And then I got really freaked out, and that's when it hit me: how much Barrylooks like Mr. Potato Head. Y'know, I mean, I always knew looked familiar, but... Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering 'Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for?'. (to Monica) So anyway I just didn't know where to go, and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, but you're the only person I knew who lived here in the city.Monica: Who wasn't invited to the wedding.Rachel: Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn't be an issue... [Scene: Monica's Apartment, everyone is there and watching a Spanish Soap on TV and are trying to figure out what is going on.]Monica:Now I'm guessing that he bought her the big pipe organ, and she's really not happy about it.Chandler: (imitating the characters) Tuna or egg salad? Decide!Ross: (in a deep voice) I'll have whatever Christine is having.Rachel:(on phone) Daddy, I just... I can't marry him! I'm sorry. I just don't love him. Well, it matters to me!(The scene on TV has changed to show two women, one is holding her hair.)Phoebe: If I let go of my hair, my head will fall off. Chandler:(re TV) Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants. Joey:I say push her down the stairs. Phoebe, Ross, Chandler, and Joey: Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs!(She is pushed down the stairs and everyone cheers.)Rachel:C'mon Daddy, listen to me! It's like, it's like, all of my life, everyone has always told me, 'You're a shoe! You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!'. And today I just stopped and I said, 'What if I don't wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a- a purse, y'know? Or a- or a hat! No, I'm not saying I want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am aha- It's a metaphor, Daddy!Ross: You can see where he'd have trouble.Rachel: Look Daddy, it's my life. Well maybe I'll just stay herewith Monica.Monica:Well, I guess we've established who's staying here with Monica...Rachel:Well, maybe that's my decision. Well, maybe I don't needyour money. Wait!! Wait, I said maybe!![Time Lapse, Rachel is breating into a paper bag.]Monica:Just breathe, breathe.. that's it. Just try to think of nice calm things... Phoebe: (sings) Raindrops on roses and rabbits and kittens, (Rachel and Monica turn to look at her.) bluebells and sleighbells and- something with mittens... La la la la...something and noodles with string. These are a few...Rachel: I'm all better now.Phoebe: (grins and walks to the kitchen and says to Chandler and Joey.)I helped!Monica:Okay, look, this is probably for the best, y'know? Independence. Taking control of your life. The whole, 'hat' thing.Joey: (comforting her) And hey, you need anything, you can always come to Joey. Me and Chandler live across the hall. And he's away a lot.Monica: Joey, stop hitting on her! It's her wedding day!Joey: What, like there's a rule or something?(The door buzzer sounds and Chandler gets it.)Chandler: Please don't do that again, it's a horrible sound.Paul: (over the intercom) It's, uh, it's Paul.Monica:Oh God, is it 6:30? Buzz him in!Joey: Who's Paul?Ross: Paul the Wine Guy, Paul?Monica: Maybe. Joey: Wait. Your 'not a real date' tonight is with Paul the Wine Guy?Ross: He finally asked you out?Monica: Yes!Chandler: Ooh, this is a Dear Diary moment.Monica: Rach, wait, I can cancel...Rachel: Please, no, go, that'd be fine!Monica: (to Ross) Are, are you okay? I mean, do you want me to stay?Ross: (choked voice) That'd be good...Monica: (horrified) Really?Ross: (normal voice) No, go on! It's Paul the Wine Guy!Phoebe:What does that mean? Does he sell it, drink it, or just complain a lot? (Chandler doesn't know.)(There's a knock on the door and it's Paul.)Monica: Hi, come in! Paul, this is.. (They are all lined up next to the door.)... everybody, everybody, this is Paul.All: Hey! Paul! Hi! The Wine Guy! Hey!Chandler: I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it?Monica:Okay, umm-umm, I'll just--I'll be right back, I just gotta go ah, go ah...Ross: A wandering?Monica: Change! Okay, sit down. (Shows Paul in) Two seconds.Phoebe: Ooh, I just pulled out four eyelashes. That can't be good.(Monica goes to change.)Joey: Hey, Paul!Paul: Yeah?Joey: Here's a little tip, she really likes it when you rub her neck in the same spot over and over and over again until it starts to get a little red.Monica: (yelling from the bedroom) Shut up, Joey!Ross: So Rachel, what're you, uh... what're you up to tonight?Rachel:Well, I was kinda supposed to be headed for Aruba on my honeymoon, so nothing!Ross: Right, you're not even getting your honeymoon, God.. No, no, although, Aruba, this time of year... talk about your- (thinks) -big lizards... Anyway, if you don't feel like being alone tonight, Joey and Chandler are coming over to help me put together my new furniture.Chandler: (deadpan) Yes, and we're very excited about it.Rachel: Well actually thanks, but I think I'm just gonna hang out here tonight. It's been kinda a long day.Ross: Okay, sure.Joey: Hey Pheebs, you wanna help?Phoebe: Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to.Commercial Break[Scene: The Subway, Phoebe is singing for change.]Phoebe:(singing) Love is sweet as summer showers, love is a wondrous work of art, but your love oh your love, your love...is like a giant pigeon...crapping on my heart. La-la-la-la-la- (some guy gives her some change and to that guy) Thank you. (sings) La-la-la-la...ohhh![Scene: Ross's Apartment, the guys are there assembling furniture.]Ross: (squatting and reading the instructions) I'm supposed to attach a brackety thing to the side things, using a bunch of theselittle worm guys.I have no brackety thing, I see no whim guys whatsoever and- I cannot feel my legs.(Joey and Chandler are finishing assembling the bookcase.)Joey: I'm thinking we've got a bookcase here.Chandler: It's a beautiful thing.Joey: (picking up a leftover part) What's this?Chandler: I would have to say that is an 'L'-shaped bracket.Joey: Which goes where?Chandler: I have no idea.(Joey checks that Ross is not looking and dumps it in a plant.)Joey: Done with the bookcase!Chandler: All finished!Ross:(clutching a beer can and sniffing) This was Carol's favorite beer. She always drank it out of the can, I should have known.Joey:Hey-hey-hey-hey, if you're gonna start with that stuff we're outta here.Chandler: Yes, please don't spoil all this fun.Joey:Ross, let me ask you a question. She got the furniture, the stereo, the good TV- what did you get?Ross: You guys.Chandler: Oh, God.Joey: You got screwed.Chandler: Oh my God![Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are eating.]Monica: Oh my God!Paul:I know, I know, I'm such an idiot. I guess I should have caught on when she started going to the dentist four and five times a week. I mean, how clean can teeth get?Monica:My brother's going through that right now, he's such a mess. How did you get through it?Paul:Well, you might try accidentally breaking something valuable of hers, say her-Monica: -leg?Paul: (laughing) That's one way! Me, I- I went for the watch.Monica: You actually broke her watch? Wow! The worst thing I ever did was, I-I shredded by boyfriend's favorite bath towel.Paul: Ooh, steer clear of you.Monica: That's right. [Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is talking on the phone and pacing.]Rachel: Barry, I'm sorry... I am so sorry... I know you probably think that this is all about what I said the other day about you making love with your socks on, but it isn't... it isn't, it's about me, and I ju- (She stops talking and dials the phone.) Hi, machine cut me off again... anyway...look, look, I know that some girl is going to be incredibly lucky to become Mrs. Barry Finkel, but it isn't me, it's not me. And not that I have any idea who me is right now, but you just have to give me a chance too... (The maching cuts her off again and she redials.)[Scene: Ross's Apartment; Ross is pacing while Joey and Chandler are working on some more furniture.]Ross: I'm divorced! I'm only 26 and I'm divorced!Joey: Shut up!Chandler:You must stop! (Chandler hits what he is working on with a hammer and it collapses.)Ross: That only took me an hour.Chandler: Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us we haven'thad a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento. You, howeverhave had the love of a woman for four years. Four years of closeness and sharing at the end of which she ripped your heart out, and that is whywe don't do it! I don't think that was my point!Ross:You know what the scariest part is? What if there's only one woman for everybody, y'know? I mean what if you get one woman- andthat's it? Unfortunately in my case, there was only one woman- for her...Joey:What are you talking about? 'One woman'? That's like sayingthere's only one flavor of ice cream for you. Lemme tell you something, Ross. There's lots of flavors out there. There's Rocky Road, and Cookie Dough, and Bing! Cherry Vanilla. You could get 'em with Jimmies, or nuts, or whipped cream! This is the best thing that ever happened to you! You gotmarried, you were, like, what, eight? Welcome back to the world!Grab a spoon!Ross: I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny.Chandler: Stay out of my freezer! [Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are still eating.]Paul: Ever since she walked out on me, I, uh...Monica: What?..... What, you wanna spell it out with noodles?Paul: No, it's, it's more of a fifth date kinda revelation.Monica: Oh, so there is gonna be a fifth date?Paul: Isn't there?Monica: Yeah... yeah, I think there is. -What were you gonna say?Paul: Well, ever-ev-... ever since she left me, um, I haven't been able to, uh, perform. (Monica takes a sip of her drink.) ...Sexually.Monica: (spitting out her drink in shock) Oh God, oh God, I am sorry...I am so sorry...Paul: It's okay...Monica:I know being spit on is probably not what you need right now. Um... how long?Paul: Two years.Monica: Wow! I'm-I'm-I'm glad you smashed her watch!Paul: So you still think you, um... might want that fifth date?Monica: (pause)...Yeah. Yeah, I do.[Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is watching Joanne Loves Chaci.]Priest on TV:We are gathered here today to join Joanne Louise Cunningham and Charles, Chachi-Chachi-Chachi, Arcola in the bound ofholy matrimony.Rachel: Oh...see... but Joanne loved Chachi! That's the difference![Scene: Ross's Apartment, they're all sitting around and talking.]Ross:(scornful) Grab a spoon. Do you know how long it's been sinceI've grabbed a spoon? Do the words 'Billy, don't be a hero' meananything to you?Joey: Great story! But, I uh, I gotta go, I got a date withAndrea--Angela--Andrea... Oh man, (looks to Chandler)Chandler: Angela's the screamer, Andrea has cats.Joey: Right. Thanks. It's June. I'm outta here. (Exits.)Ross: Y'know, here's the thing. Even if I could get it together enough to- to ask a woman out,... who am I gonna ask? (He gazes out of the window.)[Cut to Rachel staring out of her window.]Commercial Break[Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is making coffee for Joey and Chandler.]Rachel: Isn't this amazing? I mean, I have never made coffee before in my entire life.Chandler: That is amazing.Joey: Congratulations.Rachel:Y'know, I figure if I can make coffee, there isn't anything I can't do.Chandler: If can invade Poland, there isn't anything I can't do.Joey:Listen, while you're on a roll, if you feel like you gotta make like a Western omelet or something... (Joey and Chandler taste the coffee, grimace, and pour it into a plant pot.) Although actually I'm really not that hungry...Monica: (entering, to herself) Oh good, Lenny and Squigy are here. All: Morning. Good morning.Paul: (entering from Monica's room) Morning.Joey: Morning, Paul.Rachel: Hello, Paul.Chandler: Hi, Paul, is it?(Monica and Paul walk to the door and talk in a low voice so the others can't hear. The others move Monica's table closer to the door so that they can.)Paul: Thank you! Thank you so much!Monica: Stop!Paul:No, I'm telling you last night was like umm, all my birthdays, both graduations, plus the barn raising scene in Witness.Monica: We'll talk later.Paul: Yeah. (They kiss) Thank you. (Exits)Joey: That wasn't a real date?! What the hell do you do on a real date?Monica: Shut up, and put my table back.All: Okayyy! (They do so.)Chandler: All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers,... it doesn't make much of a difference...Rachel: So, like, you guys all have jobs?Monica: Yeah, we all have jobs. See, that's how we buy stuff.Joey: Yeah, I'm an actor.Rachel: Wow! Would I have seen you in anything?Joey: I doubt it. Mostly regional work.Monica:Oh wait, wait, unless you happened to catch the Reruns' production of Pinocchio, at the little theater in the park.Joey: Look, it was a job all right?Chandler: 'Look, Gippetto, I'm a real live boy.'Joey:I will not take this abuse. (Walks to the door and opens it to leave.)Chandler:You're right, I'm sorry. (Burst into song and dances out of the door.) "Once I was a wooden boy, a little wooden boy..."Joey:You should both know, that he's a dead man. Oh, Chandler? (Starts after Chandler.)Monica:So how you doing today? Did you sleep okay? Talk to Barry? I can't stop smiling.Rachel:I can see that. You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth. Monica:I know, he's just so, so... Do you remember you and Tony DeMarco? Rachel: Oh, yeah.Monica: Well, it's like that. With feelings.Rachel: Oh wow. Are you in trouble.Monica: Big time!Rachel: Want a wedding dress? Hardly used.Monica:I think we are getting a little ahead of selves here.Okay. Okay.I am just going to get up, go to work and not think about him all day. Or else I'm just gonna get up and go to work.Rachel: Oh, look, wish me luck!Monica: What for?Rachel: I'm gonna go get one of those (Thinks) job things.(Monica exits.)[Scene: Iridium, Monica is working as Frannie enters.]Frannie: Hey, Monica!Monica: Hey Frannie, welcome back! How was Florida?Frannie: You had sex, didn't you?Monica: How do you do that?Frannie: Oh, I hate you, I'm pushing my Aunt Roz through Parrot Jungle and you're having sex! So? Who?Monica: You know Paul?Frannie: Paul the Wine Guy? Oh yeah, I know Paul.Monica: You mean you know Paul like I know Paul?Frannie:Are you kidding? I take credit for Paul. Y'know before me, there was no snap in his turtle for two years.[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Rachel is there.]Joey: (sitting on the arm of the couch)Of course it was a line!Monica: Why?! Why? Why, why would anybody do something like that?Ross: I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated than 'to get you into bed'.Monica: I hate men! I hate men!Phoebe:Oh no, don't hate, you don't want to put that out into the universe.Monica: Is it me? Is it like I have some sort of beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?Phoebe:All right, c'mere, gimme your feet. (She starts massaging them.)Monica: I just thought he was nice, y'know?Joey:(bursts out laughing again) I can't believe you didn't know it was a line!(Monica pushes him off of the sofa as Rachel enters with a shopping bag.)Rachel: Guess what?Ross: You got a job?Rachel: Are you kidding? I'm trained for nothing! I was laughed out of twelve interviews today.Chandler: And yet you're surprisingly upbeat.Rachel:You would be too if you found John and David boots on sale, fifty percent off!Chandler: Oh, how well you know me...Rachel:They're my new 'I don't need a job, I don't need my parents, I've got great boots' boots!Monica: How'd you pay for them?Rachel: Uh, credit card.Monica: And who pays for that?Rachel: Um... my... father.[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is sitting around the kitchen table. Rachel's credit cards are spread out on the table along with a pair of scissors.]Rachel: Oh God, come on you guys, is this really necessary? I mean, I can stop charging anytime I want.Monica: C'mon, you can't live off your parents your whole life.Rachel: I know that. That's why I was getting married.Phoebe:Give her a break, it's hard being on your own for the first time.Rachel: Thank you.Phoebe:You're welcome. I remember when I first came to this city. I was fourteen. My mom had just killed herself and my step-dad was back in prison, and I got here, and I didn't know anybody. And I ended up living with this albino guy who was, like, cleaning windshields outside port authority, and then he killed himself, and then I found aromatherapy. So believe me, I know exactly how you feel.(Pause)Ross: The word you're looking for is 'Anyway'...Monica:All right, you ready?Rachel:No. No, no, I'm not ready! How can I be ready? "Hey, Rach! You ready to jump out the airplane without your parachute?" Come on, I can't do this!Monica: You can, I know you can!Rachel: I don't think so.Ross: Come on, you made coffee! You can do anything! (Chandler slowly tries to hide the now dead plant from that morning when he and Joey poured their coffee into it.)Ross: C'mon, cut. Cut, cut, cut,...All:Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut... (She cuts one of them and they cheer.)Rachel: Y'know what? I think we can just leave it at that. It's kinda like a symbolic gesture...Monica: Rachel! That was a library card!All: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut..Chandler:(as Rachel is cutting up her cards) Y'know, if you listen closely, you can hear a thousand retailers scream.(She finishes cutting them up and they all cheer.)Monica: Welcome to the real world! It sucks. You're gonna love it![Time Lapse, Rachel and Ross are watching a TV channel finishesit's broadcast day by playing the national anthem.]Monica: Well, that's it (To Ross) You gonna crash on the couch?Ross: No. No, I gotta go home sometime.Monica: You be okay?Ross: Yeah.Rachel: Hey Mon, look what I just found on the floor. (Monica smiles.) What?Monica:That's Paul's watch. You just put it back where you found it. Oh boy. Alright. Goodnight, everybody.Ross and Rachel: Goodnight.(Monica stomps on Paul's watch and goes into her room.)Ross: Mmm. (They both reach for the last cookie) Oh, no-Rachel: Sorry-Ross: No no no, go-Rachel: No, you have it, really, I don't want it-Ross: Split it?Rachel: Okay.Ross:Okay. (They split it.) You know you probably didn't know this, but back in high school, I had a, um, major crush on you.Rachel: I knew.Ross: You did! Oh.... I always figured you just thought I was Monica's geeky older brother.Rachel: I did.Ross:Oh. Listen, do you think- and try not to let my intense vulnerability become any kind of a factor here- but do you think it would be okay if I asked you out? Sometime? Maybe?Rachel: Yeah, maybe...Ross: Okay... okay, maybe I will...Rachel: Goodnight.Ross: Goodnight.(Rachel goes into her room and Monica enters the living room as Ross is leaving.)Monica: See ya.... Waitwait, what's with you?Ross:I just grabbed a spoon. (Ross exits and Monica has no idea what that means.)Closing Credits[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.]Joey: I can't believe what I'm hearing here.Phoebe: (sings) I can't believe what I'm hearing here...Monica: What? I-I said you had a-Phoebe: (sings) What I said you had...Monica: (to Phoebe) Would you stop?Phoebe: Oh, was I doing it again?All: Yes!Monica: I said that you had a nice butt, it's just not a great butt.Joey: Oh, you wouldn't know a great butt if it came up and bit ya.Ross: There's an image.Rachel: (walks up with a pot of coffee) Would anybody like more coffee?Chandler: Did you make it, or are you just serving it?Rachel: I'm just serving it.All: Yeah. Yeah, I'll have a cup of coffee.Chandler:Kids, new dream... I'm in Las Vegas. (Rachel sits down to hear Chandler's dream.)Customer: (To Rachel) Ahh, miss? More coffee?Rachel: Ugh. (To another customer that's leaving.) Excuse me, could you give this to that guy over there? (Hands him the coffee pot.) Go ahead. (He does so.) Thank you. (To the gang.) Sorry. Okay, Las Vegas.Chandler:Okay, so, I'm in Las Vegas... I'm Liza Minelli-。
116 The One With Two Parts, part 1[Scene: Ri ft’s Restaurant, as seen in Mad About You, Joey and Chandler are there.]Chandler: This is unbelievable. It’s been like a half an hour. If this was a cartoon, you’d be looking like a ham right about now. (Ursu la Buffay, Phoebe’s identical twin sister, is waiting on tables in her inimitable manner.)Joey: There’s the waitress. Excuse me, Miss. Hello, Miss?(Ursula spins around looking puzzled, quite unable to tell where the sound is coming from.)Chandler: It’s Phoebe! Hi!(Ursula notices Joey waving his hand, and comes over.)Ursula: Hi. Okay, will that be all?Chandler: Wait, wait! Wh-what are you doing here?Ursula: Yeah, um, I was over there, then you said, "Excuse me, hello Miss," so now I’m here.Joey: No, no... how come you are working here?Ursula: Right, yeah, ’cause its close to where I live, and the aprons are really cute.Chandler: Can we start over?Ursula: Yeah. Okay great. I’m gonna be over here. (She wanders away.) Chandler & Joey: No, no, no!Opening Credits[Scene: A wintry February day in New York City, snowplows are clearing the streets. Inside Central Perk, all three girls are paying court to Ross.]Ross: I don’t know whether he’s testing me, or just acting out, but my monkey is out of control. But, he keeps erasing the messages on my machine, "supposedly" by accident.Rachel: No, yeah, I’ve done that.Ross: And then, like three days in a row he got to the newspaper before I did, and peed all over the crossword.Rachel: I’ve never done that.(Outside in the street, Joey and Chandler arrive, to peer through the window at Phoebe, by bending down to look underneath the shop’s sign—a large steaming cup of coffee.)Chandler: All right, now look at her and tell me she doesn’t look exactly like her sister.Joey: I’m sayin’ I see a difference.Chandler: They’re twins!Joey: I don’t care. Phoebe’s Phoebe. Ursula’s... hot!(Joey and Chandler come indoors.)Chandler: You know that thing, when you and I talk to each other about things?Joey: Yeah.Chandler: Let’s not do that any more.(They hang up their coats and scarves, then approach their friends on the main sofa.) 116 双胞胎两部曲（一）真是令人难以置信已过了半个小时如果这是卡通你应该看起来像火腿一样女侍在那儿抱歉，小姐…等等是菲比!嗨好的。
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F r i e n d s剧本第一季101 The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate The Pilot-The Uncut VersionScene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are there.Monica: There's nothing to tell He's just some guy I work with 没什么好说的他不过是我的同事Joey: C'mon, you're going out with the guy There's gotta be something wrong with him少来了,你和那个人一起出去和你交往的男人一定有问题Chandler:All right Joey, be nice. So does he have a hump A hump and a hairpiece打住,乔伊,最下留德;他驼背即驼背又戴假发Phoebe: Wait, does he eat chalk慢着,他吃粉笔吗They all stare, bemused.Phoebe:Just, 'cause, I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl- oh我只是不想你重蹈我和卡尔的覆辙Monica: Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It'sjust two people going out to dinner and- not having sex.各位别急,这不算是约会;我们不过是出去一起吃晚餐,而不是做爱;Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.听起来像是说我的约会;Time LapseChandler:Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally naked.记得中学时代的梦, 我站在自助餐厅, 突然发现自己全身赤裸;All: Oh, yeah. Had that dream.我做过那样的梦;Chandler: Then I look down, and I realize there's a phone... there.我低头一看, 看见有一支电话……在那儿;Joey: Instead of...而不是……Chandler: That's right.没错;Joey: Never had that dream.我没做过那样的梦Phoebe: No.没有Chandler:All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now I don't know what to do, everybody starts looking at me.那支电话突然响起, 而我不知道怎么办, 每个人都开始望着我;Monica: And they weren't looking at you before他们以前不看你吗Chandler:Finally, I figure I'd better answer it, and it turns out it's my mother, which is very-very weird, because- she never calls me结果是我妈打来, 我感到很奇怪, 因为我妈不曾打过电话给我Time Lapse, Ross has entered.Ross: mortified Hi.嗨Joey: This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself.这家伙向我打招呼时我就想自杀;Monica: Are you okay, sweetie你还好吧Ross: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck...我感觉有人把手伸入我的喉咙抓起我的肠子, 从我的口中取出, 然后绑在我脖子上……Chandler: Cookie要饼干吗Monica: explaining to the others Carol moved her stuff out today.卡罗今天把她的东西搬走了Joey: Ohh.Monica: to Ross Let me get you some coffee.我帮你泡杯咖啡, 谢了;Ross: Thanks.Phoebe: Ooh Oh She starts to pluck at the air just in front of Ross.Ross:No, no don't Stop cleansing my aura No, just leave my aura alone, okay不要……别清理我的灵气;可是……别碰我的灵气就是了;Phoebe: FineBe murky好,继续痛苦吧Ross: I'll be fine, alrightReally, everyone. I hope she'll be very happy.没有行了吧真的,各位,我希望她开心Monica: No you don't.不,你并不希望Ross: No I don't, to hell with her, she left me是的,我不希望去她的,她离开了我Joey: And you never knew she was a lesbian...而且你一直都不知道她是女同性恋者;Ross:No Okay Why does everyone keep fixating on that She didn't know, how should I know不知道行了吧为什么每个人都提它她都不知道,我怎么会知道Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian... They all stare at him. Did I say that out loud有时候我希望自己是个同性恋……我大声说出来了Ross:I told mom and dad last night, they seemed to take it pretty well.我昨天晚上给我父母说了,他们好像没有什么Monica: Oh really, so that hysterical phone call I got from a woman at sobbing 3:00 ., "I'll never have grandchildren, I'll never have grandchildren." was what A wrong number真的吗,凌晨三点我接到一个电话, 一个女人歇斯底里的向我哭诉,“我不能抱孙子了, 我不能抱孙子了;”那是什么打错了Ross: Sorry.对不起Joey: Alright Ross, look. You're feeling a lot of pain right now. You're angry. You're hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is没事的,罗斯,瞧,你现在感到很痛苦;你很生气,你很伤心,我告诉你答案是什么Ross gestures his consent.Joey: Strip joint C'mon, you're single Have some hormones 脱衣舞酒店; 你单身,有性需求;Ross: I don't want to be single, okayI just... I just- I just wanna be married again我不想单身的; 我只想再结婚;Rachel enters in a wet wedding dress and starts to search the room.Chandler:And I just want a million dollars He extends his hand hopefully.我只想要一百万Monica: Rachel瑞秋Rachel:Oh God Monica hi Thank God I just went to your building and you weren't there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are, you are天啊,莫妮卡,谢天谢地;我到过你的住处,你不在; 有个拿着一根大榔头的人说你可能会在这儿, 结果你真的在这儿;Waitress: Can I get you some coffee想来杯咖啡吗Monica:pointing at Rachel De-caff. to All Okay, everybody, thisis Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. to Rachel This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother Ross想来杯咖啡吗无咖啡因的; 各位,她叫瑞秋, 另一位从林肯高中生存下来的人;这位叫钱德勒, 菲比,乔伊; 还记得我哥罗斯吗Rachel: Hi, sure当然;Ross: Hi.嗨They go to hug but Ross's umbrella opens. He sits back down defeated again. A moment of silence follows as Rachel sits and the others expect her to explain.Monica: So you wanna tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids你想现在告诉我们, 还是等伴娘来再说Rachel:Oh God... well, it started about a half hour before the wedding. I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents,and I was looking at this gravy boat. This really gorgeous Lamauge gravy boat. When all of a sudden- to the waitress that brought her coffeeSweet 'n' Lo- I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry And then I got really freaked out, and that's when it hit me: how much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head. Y'know, I mean, I always knew looked familiar, but... Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering 'Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for'. to Monica So anyway I just didn't know where to go, and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, but you're the only person I knew who lived here in the city.婚礼前半个小时发生了变数; 我在堆放礼物的房间里, 看着船形卤肉盘, 非常漂后的船形卤肉盘,突然间……有没有代糖我了解船形卤肉盘此巴瑞更能引起我的“性趣”我自己都吓了一跳, 巴瑞愈看愈像猪头先生;我一直都认为他很眼熟; 总之,我必须离开; 我开始想, 我为何这么做我为谁这样做于是我不知该走往何处, 我知道你我日渐疏远; 但是你是我在这个城市, 认识的唯一一个人;Monica: Who wasn't invited to the wedding.好像是唯一没受邀参加婚礼的人;Rachel: Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn't be an issue... Scene: Monica's Apartment, everyone is there and watching a Spanish Soap on TV and are trying to figure out what is goingon.这件事就甭提啦;Monica:Now I'm guessing that he bought her the big pipe organ, and she's really not happy about it.我猜他送她一台管风琴, 她肯定不喜欢;Chandler: imitating the characters Tuna or egg salad Decide金枪鱼还是鸡蛋沙拉快决定Ross: in a deep voice I'll have whatever Christine is having.克里斯吃什么我就吃什么Rachel: on phone Daddy, I just... I can't marry him I'm sorry.I just don't love him. Well, it matters to me爸,我不能嫁给他……对不起,我只是不爱他; 对,是我的问题The scene on TV has changed to show two women, one is holding her hair.Phoebe: If I let go of my hair, my head will fall off.如果我没了头发, 还不如去死;Chandler: re TV Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants.她不该穿那条裤子Joey: I say push her down the stairs.我建议推她下楼Phoebe, Ross, Chandler, and Joey:Push her down the stairs Push her down the stairs Push her down the stairs推她下楼推她下楼推她下楼She is pushed down the stairs and everyone cheers.Rachel: C'mon Daddy, listen to me It's like, it's like, all of my life, everyone has always told me, 'You're a shoe You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe'. And today I just stopped and I said, 'What if I don't wanna be a shoe What if I wanna be a- a purse, y'know Or a- or a hat No, I'm not saying I want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a ha- It's a metaphor, Daddy 爸,你听我说……大家这样评价我这一辈子：你是一只鞋……今天我倒想看看如果我不再是鞋会怎样; 我说如果我想当皮包呢或是帽子呢不,我不需你帮我买帽子; 我说我是一顶帽子; 爸,这是一种比喻;Ross: You can see where he'd have trouble.你看他有些问题Rachel:Look Daddy, it's my life. Well maybe I'll just stay here with Monica.爸,这是我的人生; 或许我会和莫妮卡住在这儿;Monica:Well, I guess we've established who's staying here with Monica...我想我们已经决定好谁将和莫妮卡住在这儿Rachel:Well, maybe that's my decision. Well, maybe I don't need your money. Wait Wait, I said maybe或许那是我的决定; 或许我不希罕你的钱; 等一下,等一下……我说的是或许Time Lapse, Rachel is breating into a paper bag.Monica: Just breathe, breathe.. that's it. Just try to think of nice calm things...深呼吸,就这样; 试着想着美好的事物……Phoebe:sings Raindrops on roses and rabbits and kittens, Rachel and Monica turn to look at her. bluebells and sleighbells and- something with mittens... La la la la...something and noodles with string.These are a few...玫瑰上的雨滴, 猫嘴上的胡须, 门铃和雪橇之类的; 啦啦啦……还有手套……Rachel: I'm all better now.我现在好多了Phoebe:grins and walks to the kitchen and says to Chandler and Joey. I helped我帮上忙了Monica: Okay, look, this is probably for the best, y'know Independence. Taking control of your life.The whole, 'hat' thing.或许这样最好,独立了,把握自己的生活,就像你说的帽子的事情Joey:comforting her And hey, you need anything, you can always come to Joey. Me and Chandler live across the hall. And he's away a lot.有任何需要找乔伊准没错; 我和钱德勒就住在对面, 而且他经常不在家;Monica: Joey, stop hitting on her It's her wedding day 乔伊,少趁虚而入了,今天是她大喜的日子Joey: What, like there's a rule or something什么有规定不能吗The door buzzer sounds and Chandler gets it.Chandler: Please don't do that again, it's a horrible sound.请不要在这样,声音很刺耳Paul: over the intercom It's, uh, it's Paul.我是保罗Monica: Oh God, is it 6:30Buzz him in天啊,6:30了吗让他进来Joey: Who's Paul谁是保罗Ross: Paul the Wine Guy, Paul调酒的保罗Monica: Maybe. Joey: Wait. Your 'not a real date' tonight is with Paul the Wine Guy或许吧; 等等,你今晚该不是真的要和调酒的那个保罗约会吧Ross: He finally asked you out他终于开口了;Monica: Yes是的Chandler: Ooh, this is a Dear Diary moment.终于被你等到了Monica: Rach, wait, I can cancel...瑞秋,等等,我可以取消Rachel: Please, no, go, that'd be fine不用了,你去吧,我不会有事的Monica:to Ross Are, are you okay I mean, do you want me to stay 真的没事吗你要我留下来吗Ross: choked voice That'd be good...那样最好Monica: horrified Really真的吗Ross: normal voice No, go on It's Paul the Wine Guy 假的,去吧,是保罗,调酒师啊Phoebe:What does that mean Does he sell it, drink it, or just complain a lot Chandler doesn't know.什么意思他是卖酒的, 喝酒的,还是评酒的There's a knock on the door and it's Paul.Monica: Hi, come in Paul, this is.. They are all lined up next to the door.... everybody, everybody, this is Paul.请进保罗,这位是…………各位,各位,他就是保罗;All: Hey Paul Hi The Wine Guy Hey保罗……调酒大师;Chandler: I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it抱歉,我没听清楚你名字; 保罗,是吗Monica: Okay, umm-umm, I'll just--I'll be right back, I just gotta go ah, go ah...我马上就好,我去,去……Ross: A wandering神魂恍惚啦Monica: ChangeOkay, sit down. Shows Paul in Two seconds.换衣服请坐,两秒钟;Phoebe: Ooh, I just pulled out four eyelashes. That can't be good.我刚拔掉四根睫毛,不妙;Monica goes to change.Joey: Hey, Paul嗨,保罗Paul: Yeah有何指教Joey:Here's a little tip, she really likes it when you rub her neck in the same spot over and over and over again until it starts to get a little red.一个小秘密,莫妮卡其实就喜欢这样, 你摩擦她脖子的同一个地方, 反反复复,直到那里开始有点发红;Monica: yelling from the bedroom Shut up, Joey乔伊你给我闭嘴Ross: So Rachel, what're you, uh... what're you up to tonight 瑞秋,你打算如何渡过今晚Rachel: Well, I was kinda supposed to be headed for Aruba on my honeymoon, so nothing我应该在前往阿鲁巴渡蜜月的途中,因此没了Ross:Right, you're not even getting your honeymoon, God.. No, no, although, Aruba, this time of year... talk about your- thinks -big lizards... Anyway, if you don't feel like being alone tonight, Joey and Chandler are coming over to help me put together my new furniture.我懂,你没去渡蜜月; 虽然阿鲁巴在此时……有很多……大蜥蜴如果你今晚不想独处, 乔伊和钱德勒要到我那儿帮我组合新家俱,Chandler: deadpan Yes, and we're very excited about it.对,我们都相当兴奋;Rachel: Well actually thanks, but I think I'm just gonna hang out here tonight.It's been kinda a long day.谢谢,但我今晚想待在这儿, 我折磨了一天;Ross: Okay, sure.好吧,当然Joey: Hey Pheebs, you wanna help菲此,想帮忙吗Phoebe: Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to.我可以去, 但我不去;Commercial BreakScene: The Subway, Phoebe is singing for change.Phoebe: singing Love is sweet as summer showers, love is a wondrous work of art, but your love oh your love, your love...is like a giant pigeon...crapping on my heart.La-la-la-la-la- some guy gives her some change and to that guy Thank you. sings La-la-la-la...ohhhScene: Ross's Apartment, the guys are there assemblingfurniture.爱情就像夏日冲凉一样甜美,爱情是无与伦比的艺术品,但是,你的爱呀,你的爱,你的爱…就像一只巨大的鸽子…在我心里排泄;啦-啦-啦-啦-啦-啦-啦,Ross: squatting and reading the instructions I'm supposed to attach a brackety thing to the side things, using a bunch of these little worm guys. I have no brackety thing, I see no whim guys whatsoever and- I cannot feel my legs.我应该用蜗杆将托架装在侧面, 但我没看见托架和蜗杆,而且, 我的脚好麻;Joey and Chandler are finishing assembling the bookcase. Joey: I'm thinking we've got a bookcase here.我想我们做好书架了;Chandler: It's a beautiful thing.真漂亮;Joey: picking up a leftover part What's this这是什么Chandler: I would have to say that is an 'L'-shaped bracket.我只能说这是个“L”型托架;Joey: Which goes where是哪的Chandler: I have no idea.我不知道Joey checks that Ross is not looking and dumps it in a plant. Joey: Done with the bookcase书架做好了Chandler: All finished终于做好了Ross:clutching a beer can and sniffing This was Carol's favorite beer. She always drank it out of the can, I should have known.这是卡罗最爱喝的啤酒; 她总是不用杯子喝,我早应该看出蛛丝马迹;Joey: Hey-hey-hey-hey, if you're gonna start with that stuff we're outta here.嗨…………如果你再这样,我们就走了;Chandler: Yes, please don't spoil all this fun.对啊,请不要破坏这里的乐趣;Joey: Ross, let me ask you a question. She got the furniture, the stereo, the good TV- what did you get罗斯,我问你一个问题; 她分得家俱,音响和好电视; 你分得什么Ross: You guys.你们Chandler: Oh, God.嗯,天哪Joey: You got screwed.你昏头了啊Chandler: Oh my God恩,天啊Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are eating.Monica: Oh my GodPaul: I know, I know, I'm such an idiot. I guess I should have caught on when she started going to the dentist four and five times a week. I mean, how clean can teeth get我知道我是个白痴;他每周看四五次牙医师我就应该了解,我指牙齿能有多干净Monica: My brother's going through that right now, he's such a mess. How did you get through it我哥正承受着这种痛苦, 一副失魂落魄的样子; 你是怎么熬过来的Paul:Well, you might try accidentally breaking somethingvaluable of hers, say her-你可以不小心砸烂她贵着的东西,如她的……Monica: -leg她的…………腿Paul: laughing That's one way Me, I- I went for the watch.这样也不赖我……我砸烂了她的表;Monica:You actually broke her watch Wow The worst thing I ever did was, I-I shredded by boyfriend's favorite bath towel.你真的砸烂过她的表哇我做过的最坏的事情是, 我撕碎了男朋友最喜欢的浴巾;Paul: Ooh, steer clear of you.嗯,机智脱身;Monica:That's right. Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is talking on the phone and pacing.对啊;Rachel:Barry, I'm sorry... I am so sorry... I know you probably think that this is all about what I said the other day about you making love with your socks on, but it isn't... it isn't, it's about me, and I ju- She stops talking and dials the phone. Hi, machine cut me off again... anyway...look, look, I know that some girl is going to be incredibly lucky to become Mrs. Barry Finkel, but it isn't me, it's not me.And not that I have any idea who me is right now, but you just have to give me a chance too... The maching cuts her off again and she redials.巴瑞,真是对不起; 你一定认为此事与我那次说的话有关, 关于你做爱时, 穿着袜子, 其实不是, 问题出在我身上,我……答录机又把我挂断了; 不管怎样……瞧瞧,瞧瞧, 我知道某个女孩会不可思议的, 成为凡可巴瑞太太,但那不是我,不是我;而我现在连我自己是谁都不知道, 但你还应该给我一个机会向你……Scene: Ross's Apartment; Ross is pacing while Joey and Chandler are working on some more furniture.Ross: I'm divorcedI'm only 26 and I'm divorced我离婚啦我才26岁就离婚啦Joey: Shut up闭嘴Chandler:You must stop Chandler hits what he is working on with a hammer and it collapses.你还是停下来吧Ross: That only took me an hour.我才花了一小时Chandler:Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us we haven't had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento. You, however have had the love of a woman for four years. Four years of closeness and sharing at the end of which she ripped your heart out, and that is why we don't do it I don't think that was my point看啊,罗斯,你应该理解, 我们认识不是太久, 但你和一个女人相爱已经四年了, 四年的封闭和分享, 最后她把你的心都麻醉了,这就是我们为什么不这样做这还不是最重要的Ross: You know what the scariest part is What if there's only one woman for everybody, y'know I mean what if you get one woman- and that's it Unfortunately in my case, there was only one woman- for her...你知道最可怕的是什么万一每个人一生只有一个女人怎么办我的意思是如果你只有一个女人时该怎么办不幸地我唯一的女人爱的是……她Joey:What are you talking about 'One woman' That's like saying there's only one flavor of ice cream for you. Lemme tell you something, Ross. There's lots of flavors out there. There's Rocky Road, and Cookie Dough, and Bing Cherry Vanilla. You could get 'em with Jimmies, or nuts, or whipped cream This is the bestthing that ever happened to you You got married, you were, like, what, eight Welcome back to the world Grab a spoon你在说什么一个女人; 那就像在说你只能吃一种口味的冰淇淋,罗斯,告诉你吧,冰淇淋的口种有千百种; 有各种点心糖果冰淇淋……你可以加上小糖条或是核果, 或是奶油,这是你一生中最美好的事; 你八岁时就结婚了吧欢迎来到世界抓住勺子Ross: I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny.我真的不知道自己是饥渴还是欲火焚身Chandler: Stay out of my freezer Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are still eating.那么就别碰我家的冰箱;Paul: Ever since she walked out on me, I, uh...自从她甩掉我之后我,Monica: What..... What, you wanna spell it out with noodles 什么………什么,你打算边嚼面条边讲Paul: No, it's, it's more of a fifth date kinda revelation.不,这就像是”第五次约会真情告白”Monica: Oh, so there is gonna be a fifth date有第五次约会Paul: Isn't there不需要吗Monica: Yeah... yeah, I think there is. -What were you gonna say需要,我想需要的; 你刚才想说什么Paul: Well, ever-ev-... ever since she left me, um, I haven't been able to, uh, perform. Monica takes a sip of her drink. ...Sexually.这个……呃……自从她离开后, 我就一直无法……没做过…………性方面的……Monica: spitting out her drink in shock Oh God, oh God, I am sorry... I am so sorry...天啊,天啊,对不起,对不起; Paul: It's okay...没关系……Monica:I know being spit on is probably not what you need right now. Um... how long你现在需要的应该不是让人吐口水吧;多久了Paul: Two years.两年了Monica: Wow I'm-I'm-I'm glad you smashed her watch哇真高兴你砸烂了她的表Paul: So you still think you, um... might want that fifth date你还想要第五次约会Monica: pause...Yeah. Yeah, I do.……当然想;Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is watching Joanne Loves Chaci.Priest on TV: We are gathered here today to join Joanne Louise Cunningham and Charles, Chachi-Chachi-Chachi, Arcola in the bound of holy matrimony.我们今天来这里参加乔安妮路易丝坎宁安和查尔斯恰棋-恰棋-恰棋阿可勒的神圣婚礼;Rachel:Oh...see... but Joanne loved Chachi That's the difference喔……看……乔安妮爱的是恰棋;差别就在这儿Scene: Ross's Apartment, they're all sitting around andtalking.Ross:scornful Grab a spoon. Do you know how long it's been since I've grabbed a spoon Do the words 'Billy, don't be a hero' mean anything to you抓住勺子; 知道我等着“抓这把勺子”等了多久吗你对”此尔,别逞英雄”这句话有感觉吗Joey: Great story But, I uh, I gotta go, I got a date with Andrea--Angela--Andrea... Oh man, looks to Chandler非常对不起但我要走了, 我有个约会,和安德里亚……安吉拉……安德里亚……嗨,Chandler: Angela's the screamer, Andrea has cats.安吉拉喜欢尖叫,安德里亚养猫;Joey: Right. Thanks. It's June. I'm outta here. Exits.对;谢谢;六月份了;我走了;Ross:Y'know, here's the thing. Even if I could get it together enough to- to ask a woman out,... who am I gonna askHe gazes out of the window.是这样的; 就算我鼓起勇气约女人出去, 但我要约谁呀Cut to Rachel staring out of her window.Commercial BreakScene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is making coffee for Joey and Chandler.Rachel: Isn't this amazingI mean, I have never made coffee before in my entire life.神奇吧我这辈子从没泡过咖啡;Chandler: That is amazing.真神奇Joey: Congratulations.恭喜了Rachel: Y'know, I figure if I can make coffee, there isn't anything I can't do.你看,我觉得只要我会泡咖啡, 就没有什么不行;Chandler: If can invade Poland, there isn't anything I can't do.如果能侵入波兰, 就能征服一切;Joey:Listen, while you're on a roll, if you feel like you gotta make like a Western omelet or something... Joey and Chandler taste the coffee, grimace, and pour it into a plant pot. Although actually I'm really not that hungry...如果你兴致大发想做蛋饼, 老实说我不太饿……Monica:entering, to herself Oh good, Lenny and Squigy are here.好啊,Lenny和Squigy来啦;All: Morning. Good morning.Paul: entering from Monica's room Morning.Joey: Morning, Paul.Rachel: Hello, Paul.Chandler: Hi, Paul, is itMonica and Paul walk to the door and talk in a low voice so the others can't hear. The others move Monica's table closer to the door so that they can.Paul: Thank youThank you so muchMonica: StopPaul: No, I'm telling you last night was like umm, all my birthdays, both graduations, plus the barn raising scene in Witness.不行,我要告诉你昨晚就像我所有的生日,毕业典礼, 和谷仓收获季节加在一起一样;Monica: We'll talk later.晚点打电话Paul: Yeah. They kiss Thank you. ExitsJoey:That wasn't a real date What the hell do you do on a realdate那还不叫约会那你真正的约会到底干些什么Monica: Shut up, and put my table back.闭嘴,把桌子抬回去; 好吧All: Okayyy They do so.Chandler:All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers,... it doesn't make much of a difference...孩子们,我要上班去了; 如果我不输入那些数字……也没什么关系……Rachel: So, like, you guys all have jobs你们大伙儿都有工作Monica: Yeah, we all have jobs. See, that's how we buy stuff.对,我们都有工作; 这样才有钱买东西;Joey: Yeah, I'm an actor.对,我是个演员;Rachel: Wow Would I have seen you in anything我见过你吗Joey: I doubt it. Mostly regional work.大概没见过吧; 我大部份都是在地区性的节目中演出;Monica:Oh wait, wait, unless you happened to catch the Reruns' production of Pinocchio, at the little theater in the park.等等,除非你看过小木偶的重播;Joey: Look, it was a job all right这也算是工作吧Chandler: 'Look, Gi ppetto, I'm a real live boy.'瞧,盖佩多,我是个活生生的小男孩;Joey: I will not take this abuse. Walks to the door and opens it to leave.我不会理睬这种羞辱;Chandler: You're right, I'm sorry. Burst into song and dances out of the door. "Once I was a wooden boy, a little wooden boy..."你说得对,抱歉;"我曾是个小木偶……小木偶……"Joey: You should both know, that he's a dead man. Oh, Chandler Starts after Chandler.告诉你们,他死定了; 嗨,钱德勒Monica:So how you doing today Did you sleep okay Talk to Barry I can't stop smiling.今天感觉如何睡得还好吧和巴瑞通过电话吗我无法停止笑;Rachel: I can see that. You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth.我看得出来; 你这样子像是昨晚口中含着衣架睡觉;Monica:I know, he's just so, so... Do you remember you and Tony DeMarco我知道,他是那么……还记得你和东尼戴马克Rachel: Oh, yeah.Monica: Well, it's like that. With feelings.就像那样;那样感觉;Rachel: Oh wow. Are you in trouble.你惹上麻烦了;Monica: Big time没错Rachel: Want a wedding dress Hardly used.需要婚纱吗几乎没用过的;Monica: I think we are getting a little ahead of selves here. Okay. Okay. I am just going to get up, go to work and not think about him all day. Or else I'm just gonna get up and go to work.我想我们有点不知所以了; 我要清醒,去工作; 整天都不想他,或者只是清醒然后去工作;Rachel: Oh, look, wish me luck祝我幸运Monica: What for为什么Rachel: I'm gonna go get one of those Thinks job things.我要去找工作;Monica exits.Scene: Iridium, Monica is working as Frannie enters. Frannie: Hey, Monica嗨,莫妮卡Monica: Hey Frannie, welcome back How was Florida 法兰妮,欢迎回来佛罗里达如何Frannie: You had sex, didn't you你们上床了,对不Monica: How do you do that你怎么看出来的Frannie:Oh, I hate you, I'm pushing my Aunt Roz through Parrot Jungle and you're having sex So Who哦,我恨你,我推着我的洛兹阿姨经过帕罗丛林, 你却在做爱和谁呀Monica: You know Paul认识保罗吗Frannie: Paul the Wine GuyOh yeah, I know Paul.保罗,那个调酒的对,我认识保罗;Monica: You mean you know Paul like I know Paul你认识保罗像我认识他一样Frannie: Are you kiddingI take credit for Paul. Y'know before me, there was no snap in his turtle for two years.爱说笑, 他还得谢我呢; 遇到我之前他已有两年无法入道; Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Rachel is there.Joey: sitting on the arm of the couchOf course it was a line 显然他是骗你的Monica: Why Why Why, why would anybody do something like that 为什么为什么会有人那样做Ross: I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated than 'to get you into bed'.我想答案比”设法骗你上床”更复杂;Monica: I hate menI hate men我恨男人我恨男人Phoebe: Oh no, don't hate, you don't want to put that out into the universe.不,别恨,你也不想把他们丢出宇宙吧;Monica:Is it me Is it like I have some sort of beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear 难道我有特殊气味; 只有狗和感情有严着问题的男人才闻得到;Phoebe:All right, c'mere, gimme your feet. She starts massaging them.过来,脚给我;Monica: I just thought he was nice, y'know我以为他是个好男人;Joey:bursts out laughing again I can't believe you didn't know it was a lineMonica pushes him off of the sofa as Rachel enters with a shopping bag.我无法相信你不懂这是骗局;Rachel: Guess what猜猜看Ross: You got a job你找到工作了Rachel: Are you kiddingI'm trained for nothing I was laughed out of twelve interviews today.开玩笑我书都白念了今天的十二个面试全泡汤了;Chandler: And yet you're surprisingly upbeat.不过你却异常兴奋;Rachel: You would be too if you found John and David boots on sale, fifty percent off换成是你,你也会一样; 如果你遇见John and David的皮靴打五折;Chandler: Oh, how well you know me...你真是太了解我了Rachel: They're my new 'I don't need a job, I don't need my parents, I've got great boots' boots这是我的新皮靴, 我不需要工作,不需要父母, 因为我有新皮靴Monica: How'd you pay for them你怎么付钱Rachel: Uh, credit card.信用卡啊;Monica: And who pays for that卡费谁费Rachel: Um... my... father.我爸Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is sitting around the kitchen table. Rachel's credit cards are spread out on the table along with a pair of scissors.Rachel: Oh God, come on you guys, is this really necessary I mean, I can stop charging anytime I want.天啊,好啦,有必要吗我是说,我可以随时忍住挥霍的;Monica:C'mon, you can't live off your parents your whole life.成熟点,你不能靠你爸一辈子Rachel: I know that. That's why I was getting married.我知道,所以我选择结婚;Phoebe: Give her a break, it's hard being on your own for the first time.饶了她吧,第一次独立并不轻松;Rachel: Thank you.Phoebe: You're welcome. I remember when I first came to this city. I was fourteen. My mom had just killed herself and my step-dad was back in prison, and I got here, and I didn't know anybody. And I ended up living with this albino guy who was, like, cleaning windshields outside port authority, and then he killed himself, and then I found aromatherapy. So believe me, I know exactly how you feel.不客气;我记得我第一次来到纽约时的情况, 当时我十四岁,我妈刚自杀, 我继父再度入狱, 我在这儿人生地不熟; 最后我和患白化症的男人同居; 他为港务局的人清洗车窗; 后来他自杀了; 然后我找到芳香按摩治疗的工作; 所以请相信我你的心情我能体会PauseRoss: The word you're looking for is 'Anyway'...你需要的是, “无论如何”……Monica: All right, you ready好的,准备好了吗Rachel:No. No, no, I'm not ready How can I be ready "Hey, Rach You ready to jump out the airplane without your parachute" Come on, I can't do this不;不,不,我没准备好我怎么会准备好呢嗨,瑞秋你准备好不用降落伞跳出飞机吗不行,我不行Monica: You can, I know you can你能行的, 我知道你能行Rachel: I don't think so.我不觉得.Ross: Come on, you made coffeeYou can do anything Chandler slowly tries to hide the now dead plant from that morning when he and Joey poured their coffee into it.来吧,你会泡咖啡你就什么都可以Ross: C'mon, cut. Cut, cut, cut,...来,剪,剪,剪,剪……All: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut... She cuts one of them and they cheer.剪,剪,剪,剪……Rachel: Y'know what I think we can just leave it at that. It's kinda like a symbolic gesture...你们知道吗我认为我们可以把它们留在那里; 只做个象征性的姿势就可以了;Monica: Rachel That was a library card瑞秋那是借书卡。
Season 11 of 56 Pages101 The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate (The Pilot-The Uncut Version)[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are there.]Monica: There's nothing to tell! He's just some guy I work with!Joey: C'mon, you're going out with the guy! There's gotta be something wrong with him! Chandler: All right Joey, be nice. So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece? Phoebe: Wait, does he eat chalk? (They all stare, bemused.)Phoebe: Just, 'cause, I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl- oh! Monica: Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It's just two people going out to dinner and- not having sex.Chandler: Sounds like a date to me. [Time Lapse]Chandler: Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally naked.All: Oh, yeah. Had that dream.Chandler: Then I look down, and I realize there's a phone... there. Joey: Instead of...? Chandler: That's right. Joey: Never had that dream. Phoebe: No.Chandler: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now I don't know what to do, everybody starts looking at me.Monica: And they weren't looking at you before?! Chandler: Finally, I figure I'd better answer it, and it turns out it's my mother, which is very-very weird, because- she never calls me! [Time Lapse, Ross has entered.] Ross: (mortified) Hi.Joey: This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself. Monica: Are you okay, sweetie?Ross: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck... Chandler: Cookie?Monica: (explaining to the others) Carol moved her stuff out today. Joey: Ohh.Monica: (to Ross) Let me get you some coffee. Ross: Thanks.Phoebe: Ooh! Oh! (She starts to pluck at the air just in front of Ross.)Ross: No, no don't! Stop cleansing my aura! No, just leave my aura alone, okay? Phoebe: Fine! Be murky!Ross: I'll be fine, alright? Really, everyone. I hope she'll be very happy. Monica: No you don't.Ross: No I don't, to hell with her, she left me! Joey: And you never knew she was a lesbian... Ross: No!! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didn't know, how should I know?Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian... (They all stare at him.) Did I say that out loud? Ross: I told mom and dad last night, they seemed to take it pretty well.Monica: Oh really, so that hysterical phone call I got from a woman at sobbing 3:00 A.M., "I'll never have grandchildren, I'll never have grandchildren." was what? A wrong number? Ross: Sorry.Joey: Alright Ross, look. You're feeling a lot of pain right now. You're angry. You're hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is? (Ross gestures his consent.)Joey: Strip joint! C'mon, you're single! Have some hormones!Ross: I don't want to be single, okay? I just (I)just- I just wanna be married again!(Rachel enters in a wet wedding dress and starts to search the room.)Chandler: And I just want a million dollars! (He extends his hand hopefully.) Monica: Rachel?!Rachel: Oh God Monica hi! Thank God! I just went to your building and you weren't there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are, you are! Waitress: Can I get you some coffee?Monica: (pointing at Rachel) De-caff. (to All) Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. (to Rachel) This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother Ross? Rachel: Hi, sure! Ross: Hi.(They go to hug but Ross's umbrella opens. He sits back down defeated again. A moment of silence follows as Rachel sits and the others expect her to explain.)Monica: So you wanna tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?Rachel: Oh God... well, it started about a half hour before the wedding. I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents, and I was looking at this gravy boat. This really gorgeous Lamauge gravy boat. When all of a sudden- (to the waitress that brought her coffee)Sweet 'n' Lo?- I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry! And then I got really freaked out, and that's when it hit me: how much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head. Y'know, I mean, I always knew looked familiar, but... Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering 'Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for?'. (to Monica) So anyway I just didn't know where to go, and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, but you're the only person I knew who lived here in the city. Monica: Who wasn't invited to the wedding.Rachel: Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn't be an issue... [Scene: Monica's Apartment, everyone is there and watching a Spanish Soap on TV and are trying to figure out what is going on.]Monica: Now I'm guessing that he bought her the big pipe organ, and she's really not happy about it.Chandler: (imitating the characters) Tuna or egg salad? Decide!Ross: (in a deep voice) I'll have whatever Christine is having.Rachel: (on phone) Daddy, I just... I can't marry him! I'm sorry. I just don't love him. Well, it matters to me! (The scene on TV has changed to show two women, one is holding her hair.)Phoebe: If I let go of my hair, my head will fall off. Chandler: (re TV) Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants. Joey: I say push her down the stairs. Phoebe, Ross, Chandler, and Joey: Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! (She is pushed down the stairs and everyone cheers.) Rachel: C'mon Daddy, listen to me! It's like, it's like, all of my life, everyone has always told me, 'You're a shoe! You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!'. And today I just stopped and I said, 'What if I don't wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a- a purse, y'know? Or a- or a hat! No, I'm not saying I want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a ha- It's a metaphor, Daddy!Ross: You can see where he'd have trouble.Rachel: Look Daddy, it's my life. Well maybe I'll just stay here with Monica.Monica: Well, I guess we've established who's staying here with Monica...Rachel: Well, maybe that's my decision. Well, maybe I don't need your money. Wait!! Wait, I said maybe!! [Time Lapse, Rachel is breating into a paper bag.]Monica: Just breathe, breathe.. that's it. Just try to think of nice calm things... Phoebe: (sings) Raindrops on roses and rabbits and kittens, (Rachel and Monica turn to look at her.) bluebells and sleighbells and- something with mittens... La la la la...something and noodles with string. These are a few...Rachel: I'm all better now.Phoebe: (grins and walks to the kitchen and says to Chandler and Joey.) I helped!Monica: Okay, look, this is probably for the best, y'know? Independence. Taking control of your life. The whole, 'hat' thing.Joey: (comforting her) And hey, you need anything, you can always come to Joey. Me and Chandler live across thehall. And he's away a lot.Monica: Joey, stop hitting on her! It's her wedding day!Joey: What, like there's a rule or something? (The door buzzer sounds and Chandler gets it.) Chandler: Please don't do that again, it's a horrible sound.Paul: (over the intercom) It's, uh, it's Paul. Monica: Oh God, is it 6:30? Buzz him in! Joey: Who's Paul?Ross: Paul the Wine Guy, Paul?Monica: Maybe. Joey: Wait. Your 'not a real date' tonight is with Paul the Wine Guy? Ross: He finally asked you out? Monica: Yes!Chandler: Ooh, this is a Dear Diary moment. Monica: Rach, wait, I can cancel... Rachel: Please, no, go, that'd be fine!Monica: (to Ross) Are, are you okay? I mean, do you want me to stay?Ross: (choked voice) That'd be good... Monica: (horrified) Really?Ross: (normal voice) No, go on! It's Paul the Wine Guy! Phoebe: What does that mean? Does he sell it, drink it, or just complain a lot? (Chandler doesn't know.) (There's a knock on the door and it's Paul.)Monica: Hi, come in! Paul, this is.. (They are all lined up next to the door.)... everybody, everybody, this is Paul.All: Hey! Paul! Hi! The Wine Guy! Hey!Chandler: I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it?Monica: Okay, umm-umm, I'll just--I'll be right back, I just gotta go ah, go ah... Ross: A wandering?Monica: Change! Okay, sit down. (Shows Paul in) Two seconds.Phoebe: Ooh, I just pulled out four eyelashes. That can't be good.(Monica goes to change.) Joey: Hey, Paul! Paul: Yeah?Joey: Here's a little tip, she really likes it when you rub her neck in the same spot over and over and over again until it starts to get a little red.Monica: (yelling from the bedroom) Shut up, Joey! Ross: So Rachel, what're you, uh... what're you up to tonight?Rachel: Well, I was kinda supposed to be headed for Aruba on my honeymoon, so nothing!Ross: Right, you're not even getting your honeymoon, God.. No, no, although, Aruba, this time of year... talk about your- (thinks) -big lizards... Anyway, if you don't feel like being alone tonight, Joey and Chandler are coming over to help me put together my new furniture. Chandler: (deadpan) Yes, and we're very excited about it.Rachel: Well actually thanks, but I think I'm just gonna hang out here tonight. It's been kinda a long day. Ross: Okay, sure.Joey: Hey Pheebs, you wanna help?Phoebe: Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to. Commercial Break[Scene: The Subway, Phoebe is singing for change.] Phoebe: (singing) Love is sweet as summer showers, love is a wondrous work of art, but your love oh your love, your love...is like a giant pigeon...crapping on my heart. La-la-la-la-la- (some guy gives her some change and to that guy) Thank you. (sings) La-la-la-la...ohhh![Scene: Ross's Apartment, the guys are there assembling furniture.]Ross: (squatting and reading the instructions) I'm supposed to attach a brackety thing to the side things, using a bunch of these little worm guys. I have no brackety thing, I see no whim guys whatsoever and- I cannot feel my legs.(Joey and Chandler are finishing assembling the bookcase.)Joey: I'm thinking we've got a bookcase here. Chandler: It's a beautiful thing.Joey: (picking up a leftover part) What's this? Chandler: I would have to say that is an 'L'-shaped bracket.Joey: Which goes where?Chandler: I have no idea.(Joey checks that Ross is not looking and dumps it in a plant.)Joey: Done with the bookcase!Chandler: All finished!Ross: (clutching a beer can and sniffing) This was Carol's favorite beer. She always drank it out of the can, I should have known.Joey: Hey-hey-hey-hey, if you're gonna start with that stuff we're outta here.Chandler: Yes, please don't spoil all this fun. Joey: Ross, let me ask you a question. She got the furniture, the stereo, the good TV- what did you get?Ross: You guys.Chandler: Oh, God.Joey: You got screwed.Chandler: Oh my God![Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are eating.] Monica: Oh my God!Paul: I know, I know, I'm such an idiot. I guess I should have caught on when she started going to the dentist four and five times a week. I mean, how clean can teeth get?Monica:My brother's going through that right now, he's such a mess. How did you get through it? Paul:Well, you might try accidentally breaking something valuable of hers, say her-Monica: -leg?Paul: (laughing) That's one way! Me, I- I went for the watch.Monica:You actually broke her watch? Wow! The worst thing I ever did was, I-I shredded by boyfriend's favorite bath towel. Paul: Ooh, steer clear of you.Monica: That's right. [Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is talking on the phone and pacing.] Rachel: Barry, I'm sorry... I am so sorry... I know you probably think that this is all about what I said the other day about you making love with your socks on, but it isn't... it isn't, it's about me, and I ju- (She stops talking and dials the phone.) Hi, machine cut me off again... anyway...look, look, I know that some girl is going to be incredibly lucky to become Mrs. Barry Finkel, but it isn't me, it's not me. And not that I have any idea who me is right now, but you just have to give me a chance too... (The maching cuts her off again and she redials.) [Scene: Ross's Apartment; Ross is pacing while Joey and Chandler are working on some more furniture.]Ross: I'm divorced! I'm only 26 and I'm divorced! Joey: Shut up!Chandler: You must stop! (Chandler hits what he is working on with a hammer and it collapses.) Ross: That only took me an hour.Chandler:Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us we haven't had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento. You, however have had the love of a woman for four years. Four years of closeness and sharing at the end of which she ripped your heart out, and that is why we don't do it! I don't think that was my point!Ross: You know what the scariest part is? What if there's only one woman for everybody, y'know? I mean what if you get one woman- and that's it? Unfortunately in my case, there was only one woman- for her...Joey: What are you talking about? 'One woman'? That's like saying there's only one flavor of ice cream for you. Lemme tell you something, Ross. There's lots of flavors out there. There's Rocky Road, and Cookie Dough, and Bing! Cherry Vanilla. You could get 'em with Jimmies, or nuts, or whipped cream! This is the best thing that ever happened to you! You got married, you were, like, what, eight? Welcome back to the world! Grab a spoon!Ross: I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny.Chandler: Stay out of my freezer! [Scene: A Restaurant,Monica and Paul are still eating.]Paul: Ever since she walked out on me, I, uh...Monica:What?..... What, you wanna spell it out withnoodles?Paul: No, it's, it's more of a fifth date kinda revelation.Monica: Oh, so there is gonna be a fifth date?Paul: Isn't there?Monica:Yeah... yeah, I think there is. -What were yougonna say?Paul: Well, ever-ev-... ever since she left me, um, I haven'tbeen able to, uh, perform. (Monica takes a sip of herdrink.) ...Sexually.Monica: (spitting out her drink in shock) Oh God, oh God,I am sorry... I am so sorry...Paul: It's okay...Monica:I know being spit on is probably not what youneed right now. Um... how long?Paul: Two years.Monica: Wow! I'm-I'm-I'm glad you smashed her watch!Paul:So you still think you, um... might want that fifthdate?Monica: (pause)...Yeah. Yeah, I do.[Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is watching JoanneLoves Chaci.]Priest on TV: We are gathered here today to join JoanneLouise Cunningham and Charles, Chachi-Chachi-Chachi,Arcola in the bound of holy matrimony.Rachel:Oh...see... but Joanne loved Chachi! That's thedifference![Scene: Ross's Apartment, they're all sitting around andtalking.]Ross: (scornful) Grab a spoon. Do you know how long it'sbeen since I've grabbed a spoon? Do the words 'Billy, don'tbe a hero' mean anything to you?Joey: Great story! But, I uh, I gotta go, I got a date withAndrea--Angela--Andrea... Oh man, (looks to Chandler)Chandler: Angela's the screamer, Andrea has cats.Joey: Right. Thanks. It's June. I'm outta here. (Exits.)Ross:Y'know, here's the thing. Even if I could get ittogether enough to- to ask a woman out,... who am I gonnaask? (He gazes out of the window.)[Cut to Rachel staring out of her window.]Commercial Break[Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is making coffee forJoey and Chandler.]Rachel:Isn't this amazing? I mean, I have never madecoffee before in my entire life.Chandler: That is amazing.Joey: Congratulations.Rachel: Y'know, I figure if I can make coffee, there isn'tanything I can't do.Chandler: If can invade Poland, there isn't anything I can'tdo.Joey: Listen, while you're on a roll, if you feel like you gottamake like a Western omelet or something... (Joey andChandler taste the coffee, grimace, and pour it into a plantpot.) Although actually I'm really not that hungry...Monica: (entering, to herself) Oh good, Lenny and Squigyare here.All: Morning. Good morning.Paul: (entering from Monica's room) Morning.Joey: Morning, Paul.Rachel: Hello, Paul.Chandler: Hi, Paul, is it?(Monica and Paul walk to the door and talk in a low voice sothe others can't hear. The others move Monica's tablecloser to the door so that they can.)Paul: Thank you! Thank you so much!Monica: Stop!Paul: No, I'm telling you last night was like umm, all mybirthdays, both graduations, plus the barn raising scene inWitness.Monica: We'll talk later.Paul: Yeah. (They kiss) Thank you. (Exits)Joey: That wasn't a real date?! What the hell do you do ona real date?Monica: Shut up, and put my table back.All: Okayyy! (They do so.)Chandler: All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don'tinput those numbers,... it doesn't make much of adifference...Rachel: So, like, you guys all have jobs?Monica: Yeah, we all have jobs. See, that's how webuy stuff.Joey: Yeah, I'm an actor.Rachel: Wow! Would I have seen you in anything?Joey: I doubt it. Mostly regional work.Monica: Oh wait, wait, unless you happened to catchthe Reruns' production of Pinocchio, at the little theaterin the park.Joey: Look, it was a job all right?Chandler: 'Look, Gippetto, I'm a real live boy.'Joey: I will not take this abuse. (Walks to the door andopens it to leave.)Chandler: You're right, I'm sorry. (Burst into song anddances out of the door.) "Once I was a wooden boy, alittle wooden boy..."Joey:You should both know, that he's a deadman. Oh, Chandler? (Starts after Chandler.) Monica:So how you doing today? Did you sleep okay? Talk toBarry? I can't stop smiling.Rachel: I can see that. You look like you slept with ahanger in your mouth.Monica: I know, he's just so, so... Do you rememberyou and Tony DeMarco?Rachel: Oh, yeah.Monica: Well, it's like that. With feelings.Rachel: Oh wow. Are you in trouble.Monica: Big time!Rachel: Want a wedding dress? Hardly used.Monica: I think we are getting a little ahead of selveshere. Okay. Okay. I am just going to get up, go to workand not think about him all day. Or else I'm just gonnaget up and go to work.Rachel: Oh, look, wish me luck!Monica: What for?Rachel: I'm gonna go get one of those (Thinks) jobthings.(Monica exits.)[Scene: Iridium, Monica is working as Frannie enters.]Frannie: Hey, Monica!Monica:Hey Frannie, welcome back! How wasFlorida?Frannie: You had sex, didn't you?Monica: How do you do that?Frannie:Oh, I hate you, I'm pushing my Aunt Rozthrough Parrot Jungle and you're having sex! So?Who?Monica: You know Paul?Frannie: Paul the Wine Guy? Oh yeah, I know Paul.Monica: You mean you know Paul like I know Paul?Frannie:Are you kidding? I take credit for Paul.Y'know before me, there was no snap in his turtle fortwo years.[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Rachel is there.]Joey: (sitting on the arm of the couch)Of course it wasa line!Monica:Why?! Why? Why, why would anybody dosomething like that?Ross:I assume we're looking for an answer moresophisticated than 'to get you into bed'.Monica: I hate men! I hate men!Phoebe: Oh no, don't hate, you don't want to put thatout into the universe.Monica: Is it me? Is it like I have some sort of beaconthat only dogs and men with severe emotionalproblems can hear?Phoebe: All right, c'mere, gimme your feet. (She startsmassaging them.)Monica: I just thought he was nice, y'know?Joey: (bursts out laughing again) I can't believe youdidn't know it was a line!(Monica pushes him off of the sofa as Rachel enterswith a shopping bag.)Rachel: Guess what?2 of 56 PagesRoss: You got a job?Rachel: Are you kidding? I'm trained for nothing! I was laughed out of twelve interviews today. Chandler: And yet you're surprisingly upbeat. Rachel: You would be too if you found John and David boots on sale, fifty percent off! Chandler: Oh, how well you know me... Rachel: They're my new 'I don't need a job, I don't need my parents, I've got great boots' boots! Monica: How'd you pay for them?Rachel: Uh, credit card.Monica: And who pays for that?Rachel: Um... my... father.[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is sitting around the kitchen table. Rachel's credit cards are spread out on the table along with a pair of scissors.]Rachel: Oh God, come on you guys, is this really necessary? I mean, I can stop charging anytime I want.Monica:C'mon, you can't live off your parents your whole life.Rachel:I know that. That's why I was getting married.Phoebe: Give her a break, it's hard being on your own for the first time.Rachel: Thank you.Phoebe: You're welcome. I remember when I first came to this city. I was fourteen. My mom had just killed herself and my step-dad was back in prison, and I got here, and I didn't know anybody. And I ended up living with this albino guy who was, like, cleaning windshields outside port authority, and then he killed himself, and then I found aromatherapy. So believe me, I know exactly how you feel.(Pause)Ross: The word you're looking for is 'Anyway'... Monica: All right, you ready?Rachel: No. No, no, I'm not ready! How can I be ready? "Hey, Rach! You ready to jump out the airplane without your parachute?" Come on, I can't do this!Monica: You can, I know you can!Rachel: I don't think so.Ross: Come on, you made coffee! You can do anything! (Chandler slowly tries to hide the now dead plant from that morning when he and Joey poured their coffee into it.)Ross: C'mon, cut. Cut, cut, cut,...All: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut... (She cuts one of them and they cheer.)Rachel: Y'know what? I think we can just leave it at that. It's kinda like a symbolic gesture... Monica:Rachel! That was a library card!All: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut.. Chandler:(as Rachel is cutting up her cards) Y'know, if you listen closely, you can hear a thousand retailers scream.(She finishes cutting them up and they all cheer.) Monica:Welcome to the real world! It sucks. You're gonna love it![Time Lapse, Rachel and Ross are watching a TV channel finishes it's broadcast day by playing the national anthem.]Monica: Well, that's it (To Ross) You gonna crash on the couch?Ross: No. No, I gotta go home sometime. Monica: You be okay?Ross: Yeah.Rachel: Hey Mon, look what I just found on the floor. (Monica smiles.) What?Monica: That's Paul's watch. You just put it back where you found it. Oh boy. Alright. Goodnight, everybody.Ross and Rachel: Goodnight.(Monica stomps on Paul's watch and goes into her room.)Ross: Mmm. (They both reach for the last cookie) Oh, no-Rachel: Sorry- Ross: No no no, go-Rachel: No, you have it, really, I don't want it-Ross: Split it?Rachel: Okay.Ross: Okay. (They split it.) You know you probably didn'tknow this, but back in high school, I had a, um, major crushon you.Rachel: I knew.Ross: You did! Oh.... I always figured you just thought Iwas Monica's geeky older brother.Rachel: I did.Ross: Oh. Listen, do you think- and try not to let my intensevulnerability become any kind of a factor here- but do youthink it would be okay if I asked you out? Sometime?Maybe?Rachel: Yeah, maybe...Ross: Okay... okay, maybe I will...Rachel: Goodnight.Ross: Goodnight.(Rachel goes into her room and Monica enters the livingroom as Ross is leaving.)Monica: See ya.... Waitwait, what's with you?Ross: I just grabbed a spoon. (Ross exits and Monica hasno idea what that means.)Closing Credits[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.]Joey: I can't believe what I'm hearing here.Phoebe: (sings) I can't believe what I'm hearing here...Monica: What? I-I said you had a-Phoebe: (sings) What I said you had...Monica: (to Phoebe) Would you stop?Phoebe: Oh, was I doing it again?All: Yes!Monica: I said that you had a nice butt, it's just not a greatbutt.Joey: Oh, you wouldn't know a great butt if it came up andbit ya.Ross: There's an image.Rachel: (walks up with a pot of coffee) Would anybody likemore coffee?Chandler: Did you make it, or are you just serving it?Rachel: I'm just serving it.All: Yeah. Yeah, I'll have a cup of coffee.Chandler: Kids, new dream... I'm in Las Vegas. (Rachelsits down to hear Chandler's dream.)Customer: (To Rachel) Ahh, miss? More coffee?Rachel: Ugh. (To another customer that's leaving.) Excuseme, could you give this to that guy over there? (Hands himthe coffee pot.) Go ahead. (He does so.) Thank you. (To thegang.) Sorry. Okay, Las Vegas.Chandler: Okay, so, I'm in Las Vegas... I'm Liza Minelli-End102 The One With the Sonogram at the End[Scene Central Perk, everyone's there.]Monica: What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissingis as important as any part of it.Joey: Yeah, right!.......Y'serious?Phoebe: Oh, yeah!Rachel: Everything you need to know is in that first kiss.Monica: Absolutely.Chandler: Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much likean opening act, y'know? I mean it's like the stand-upcomedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comesout.Ross:Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like thecomedian, it's that-that... that's not why we bought theticket.Chandler: The problem is, though, after the concert's over,no matter how great the show was, you girls are alwayslooking for the comedian again, y'know? I mean, we're inthe car, we're fighting traffic... basically just trying to stayawake.Rachel:Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back thecomedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourselfsitting at home, listening to that album alone.Joey: (pause)....Are we still talking about sex?Opening Credits[Scene: Museum of Prehistoric History, Ross and aco-worker (Marsha) are setting up an exhibit whichincludes some mannequins of cave people.]Ross:No, it's good, it is good, it's just that- mm-doesn't she seem a little angry?Marsha: Well, she has issues.Ross: Does she.Marsha: He's out banging other women over the headwith a club, while she sits at home trying to get themastodon smell out of the carpet!Ross:Marsha, these are cave people. Okay? Theyhave issues like 'Gee, that glacier's getting kinda close.'See?Marsha: Speaking of issues, isn't that your ex-wife?(Carol, Ross's ex-wife, has entered behind them and isstanding outstide the exhibit.)Ross: (trying to ignore her) No. No.Marsha: Yes, it is. Carol! Hi!Ross: Okay, okay, yes, it is. (waves) How about I'll, uh,catch up with you in the Ice Age.(Marsha extis and Ross waves Carol into the exhibit.)Ross:Hi.Carol: So.Ross: You look great. I, uh... I hate that.Carol: Sorry. You look good too.Ross: Ah, well, in here, anyone who... stands erect...So what's new? Still, uh...Carol: A lesbian?Ross: Well... you never know. How's, um.. how's thefamily?Carol: Marty's still totally paranoid. Oh, and, uh-Ross: Why- why are you here, Carol?Carol: I'm pregnant.Ross: Pregnant?![Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe,and Monica are watching Three's Company.]Chandler:Oh, I think this is the episode of Three'sCompany where there's some kind ofmisunderstanding.Phoebe:...Then I've already seen this one! (Turns offthe TV.)Monica: (taking a drink from Joey) Are you throughwith that?Joey: Yeah, sorry, the swallowing slowed me down.Monica: Whose little ball of paper is this?!Chandler: Oh, uh, that would be mine. See, I wrote anote to myself, and then I realised I didn't need it, so Iballed it up and... (sees that Monica is glaring athim) ...now I wish I was dead.(Monica starts to fluff a pillow.)Phoebe:She's already fluffed that pillow... Monica,you know, you've already fluffed that- (Monica glares ather.) -but, it's fine!Monica: Look , I'm sorry, guys, I just don't wanna givethem any more ammunition than they already have.Chandler: Yes, and we all know how cruel a parentcan be about the flatness of a child's pillow.Phoebe: Monica- Hi! Um, Monica, you're scaring me. Imean, you're like, you're like all chaotic and twirly. Andnot-not in a good way.Joey: Yeah, calm down. You don't see Ross getting allchaotic and twirly every time they come.Monica:That's because as far as my parents areconcerned, Ross can do no wrong. Y'see, he's thePrince. Apparently they had some big ceremony beforeI was born.Chandler: (looking out the window) Ew, ew, ew, ewew ew ew ew!Monica: What?Chandler: Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster!All: Eeaagh!(Rachel enters from her room.)Rachel: Has anybody seen my engagement ring?Phoebe: Yeah, it's beautiful.Rachel: Oh God, oh God, oh God oh God oh God ohGod.... (Starts to look under the couch cushions.)Phoebe: No, look, don't touch that!Rachel: Oh, like I wasn't dreading tomorrow enough,having to give it back to him... 'Hi Barry! Remember me?3 of 56 Pages。
110.The One With the Monkey[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is entering.]-Phoebe: All right! Y ou guys, it’s starting to snow. And look, Ugly Naked Guy is hanging candy canes.candy: 糖果cane: 藤条各位，外面开始下雪了。
快看啊，丑陋裸男在挂糖果藤。
-Rachel: Where? Oh, well. Th at’s festive.festive: 庆祝的,喜庆的哪里？哇，不错。
-Ross: Guys? There's a somebody I'd like you to meet.各位我想介绍一个人给大家认识(A monkey jumps on to his shoulder.)-All: Oooh!哦！-Monica: W-wait. What is that?等等…这是怎么回事？-Ross: 'That' would be Marcel. Y ou wanna say hi?wanna=want to他叫Marcel，想和他打声招呼？-Monica: No, no, I don't.不，我不要-Rachel: Oh, he is precious! Where did you get him?precious: 珍贵的他好珍贵，哪里得到他的？-Ross: My friend Bethel rescued him from some lab.rescue: 营救lab: 实验室我朋友Bethel把它从实验室救出来的-Phoebe: That is so cruel! Why? Why would a parent name their child Bethel? cruel: 残忍的name: 取名真残忍为何有父母会将孩子取名为Bethel？-Chandler: Hey, that monkey's got a Ross on its ass!ass: 屁股那猴子的屁股上长了个Ross-Monica: Ross, is he gonna live with you, like, in your apartment? apartment: 公寓Ross,它要和你同住吗？-Ross: Y eah. I mean, it's been kinda quiet since Carol left, so...kinda=kind of quiet: 冷清对,我是说，Carol离开后家里冷清清的-Monica: Why don't you just get a roommate?roommate: 室友为何不找个室友？-Ross: Nah, I dunno... I think you reach a certain age, having a roommate is kinda pathetic....sorry, that's, that's 'pathet', which is Sanskrit for 'really cool way to live.dunno: = do not know pathetic: 可悲的Sanskrit: 梵语阿，不知道，人到一定的年纪后与室友同住是有点可悲…抱歉，是pathet在梵语中代表很酷的生活方式.[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is getting ready to sing. Joey is not there.]-Phoebe: So you guys, I'm doing all new material tonight. I have twelve new songs about my mother's suicide, and one about a snowman.material: 材料，素材suicide: 自杀各位，我今天将唱全新的曲目，我写了12首关于我妈自杀的歌及一首有关雪人的歌.-Chandler: Y ou might wanna open with the snowman.Wanna=want to open with: 开始于你最好先唱雪人(Enter Joey)-All: Hey, Joey. Hey, buddy.嗨，老兄-Monica: So, how'd it go?如何？-Joey: Ahhhhhh, I didn't get the job.job: 工作我没得到那份工作-Ross: How could you not get it? Y ou were Santa last year.Santa=Santa Claus圣诞老人你怎可能会没得到？你是去年的圣诞老人-Joey: I dunno. Some fat guy's sleeping with the store manager. He's not even jolly, it's all political.store: 商店manager: 经理jolly: 欢乐的political: 政治的, 行政上的不知道哪个胖子和店经理有一腿，他根本无法逗人开心，这就是政治。
119. The One Where the Monkey Gets Away[Scene: Central Perk, -Rachel is talking to a customer.]customer: 顾客-Rachel: Okay, okay, I checked. We have: Earl Grey, English Breakfast, Cinnamon Stick, check: 核对Earl Grey: 伯爵茶English Breakfast: 英国早餐红茶Cinnamon Stick: 肉桂茶我刚看过了.我们有伯爵茶，英式早餐茶,肉桂茶，Camomile, Mint Medley, Blackberry, and.. oh, wait, there's one more, um.. Lemon Soother. You're not the guy that asked for the tea, are you? (Guy shakes his head) Okay.Camomile: 甘菊茶Mint Medley: 薄荷混合茶Blackberry: 黑莓茶Lemon Soother: 柠檬派菊花茶,薄荷茶，黑莓茶,还有，让我想一下，哦…柠檬派.你不是那个要喝茶的人对吧? [Scene: Central Perk, -Monica enters with some mail.]-Monica: Mail call, -Rachel Green, bunk seven.mail call: 来信了bunk: [美国俚语] 空话，废话来信了，-Rachel,你有信.-Rachel: Thank you. (Examines it) Oh, cool! Free sample of coffee!examine: 检查free: 免费的sample: 样品,标本谢谢.酷，免费试喝的咖啡-Monica: Oh good! 'Cause where else would we get any?'Cause: [口语] ＝because else: 其他,另外太好了!因为在哪儿还有免费的咖啡?-Rachel: Oh. Right. ...Oh great.哦，是啊。
老友记剧本教材第一季老友记剧本教材第一季完美版讲解完美版中英文对照剧本+词汇+笔记+剧情介绍+讲解丛书主编：Lewis本册编辑：Lewis 101 The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate (2)102 The One With the Sonogram at the End (17)103 The One With the Thumb (28)104 The One With George Stephanopoulos (40)105 The One With the East German Laundry Detergent (52)106 The One With the Butt (63)107 The One With the Blackout (75)108 The One Where Nana Dies Twice (85)109 The One Where Underdog Gets Away (95)110 The One With the Monkey (107)111 The One With Mrs. Bing (118)112 The One With the Dozen Lasagnes (130)113 The One With the Boobies (141)114 The One With the Candy Hearts (151)115 The One With the Stoned Guy (161)116 The One With Two Parts, part 1 (172)117 The One With Two Parts, Part 2 (183)118 The One With All The Poker (194)119 The One Where the Monkey Gets Away (206)120 The One With the Evil Orthodontist (217)121 The One With The Fake Monica (228)122 The One With the Ick Factor (237)123 The One With the Birth (249)124 The One Where Rachel Finds Out (259)101 The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate内容概要内容概要：：第一集是试播（Pilot），主要情节如下，瑞秋在教堂抛弃未婚夫Barry、逃婚到莫妮卡处。
115. The One with the Stoned Guy[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is serving Joey, Ross, and Monica their drinks.]-Rachel: (to Joey) Coffee. (Hands it to him.)hand to: 递给咖啡。
-Joey: Thank you.谢谢。
-Rachel: (to Ross) Cappuccino. (Hands it to him.)卡布其诺。
-Ross: Grazie.grazie: 意大利文，谢谢的意思。
谢谢。
-Rachel: And a nice hot cider for Monica. (Hands it to her.)cider: 苹果酒Monica的热苹果酒。
-Monica: Aww, thank you. (Notices something.) Uh Rach?notice: 注意谢谢。
哎呦？！-Rachel: Yeah?怎么了？-Monica: Why does my cinnamon stick have an eraser?cinnamon: 肉桂stick: 杆，棒eraser: 橡皮擦Rachel为何我的肉桂棒上有橡皮擦?-Rachel: Oh! That's why. (Rachel checks behind her ear, and finds a cinnamon stick.) I'm sorry! check: 检查，查看cinnamon stick: 枝,杆这就是原因，对不起！(She takes the pencil out of Monica's coffee and Monica puts her cup down in disgust.)put down: 放下in disgust: 厌恶地[Scene: Chandler's job, Chandler is typing data into his computer, he keeps typing even while taking a drink of coffee with one hand. One of his co-worker walks by.]type sth. into computer: 把某资料输入电脑a drink of coffee: 一杯咖啡with one hand: 用一只手co-worker: 同事-Woman: Chandler？Chandler？-Chandler: Mrs. Tedlock. You're looking lovely today. And may I say, that is a very flattering sleeve length on you.flattering: 谄媚的, 讨人欢喜的, 奉承的sleeve length: 袖长【美国人说你这衣服穿着特合适就说：这袖子在你身上长度正好！？】Tedlock小姐，你今天真漂亮。
116. The One with Two Parts, part 1[Scene: Rift’s Restaurant, as seen in Mad about You, Joey and Chandler are there.]restaurant: 餐厅,餐馆-Chandler: This is unbelievable. It’s been like a half an hour. If this was a cartoon, you’d be looking like a ham right about now.unbelievable: 难以置信的half an hour: 半个小时cartoon: 卡通ham: 火腿真是令人难以置信，已过了半个小时。
如果这是卡通，你应该看起来像火腿一样。
(Ursula Buffay, Phoebe’s identical twin sister, is waiting on tables in her inimitable manner.) identical: 同一的, 同样的twin: 孪生的，双胞胎之一wait on: 服侍inimitable: 不能模仿的,无与伦比的manner: 方式,风格-Joey: There’s the waitress. Excuse me, Miss. Hello, Miss?waitress: 女服务员女侍在那儿！抱歉，小姐。
嗨，小姐？(Ursula spins around looking puzzled, quite unable to tell where the sound is coming from.)spin around: 向四周旋转puzzled: 困惑的quite: 很，十分unable: 不能的-Chandler: It’s Phoebe! Hi!是Phoebe，嗨！(Ursula notices Joey waving his hand, and comes over.)notice: 注意到wave: 挥动come over: 走过来-Ursula: Hi. Okay, will that be all?好的。
110 The One With the Monkey猴子[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is entering.]Ross: Guys? There's a somebody I'd like you to meet.各位我想介绍一个人给大家认识(A monkey jumps on to his shoulder.)All: Oooh!Monica: W-wait. What is that? 等等…这是怎么回事?Ross: 'That' would be Marcel. You wanna say hi?他叫马修,想和他打声招呼?Monica: No, no, I don't. 不,我不要Rachel: Oh, he is precious! Where did you get him?他好可爱,哪里得到他的?Ross: My friend Bethel rescued him from some lab.我朋友贝瑟把它从实验室救出来的Phoebe: That is so cruel! Why? Why would a parent name their child Bethel?真残忍，为何有父母会将孩子取名为圣地(贝瑟)?Chandler: Hey, that monkey's got a Ross on its ass!那猴子的屁股上长了个罗斯Monica: Ross, is he gonna live with you, like, in your apartment?罗斯,它要和你同住吗?Ross: Yeah. I mean, it's been kinda quiet since Carol left, so...对,卡萝离开後家里冷清清的Monica: Why don't you just get a roommate?为何不找个室友?Ross: Nah, I dunno... I think you reach a certain age, having a roommate is kinda pathe- (Realises) ....sorry, that's, that's 'pathet', which is Sanskrit for 'really cool way to live'.人到一定的年纪后与室友同住是有点可悲(pathet)…抱歉,是pathet，在梵语中代表很酷的生活方式Opening Credits[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is getting ready to sing. Joey is not there.]Phoebe: So you guys, I'm doing all new material tonight. I have twelve new songs about my mother's suicide, and one about a snowman.各位,我今天将唱全新的曲目，我写了12首关于我妈自杀的歌，及一首有关雪人的歌Chandler: Might wanna open with the snowman.你最好先唱雪人(Enter Joey)All: Hey, Joey. Hey, buddy.Monica: So, how'd it go? 如何?Joey: Ahhhhhh, I didn't get the job. -我没得到那份工作Ross: How could you not get it? You were Santa last year.你怎可能会没得到?你是去年的圣诞老人Joey: I dunno. Some fat guy's sleeping with the store manager. He's not even jolly, it's all political.不知道哪个胖子和店经理有一腿，他根本无法逗人开心,这就是政治Monica: So what are you gonna be? 那么你扮演什么?Joey: Ah, I'm gonna be one of his helpers. It's just such a slap in the face, y'know?当他的助手，就像是脸上的一个巴掌,你明白的?(真是耻辱)Rachel: Hey, do you guys know what you're doing for New Year's? (Theyall protest and hit her with cushions) Gee, what?! What is wrong with New Year's?你们打算如何过新年? 什么?新年有什么不对劲吗?Chandler: Nothing for you, you have Paolo. You don't have to face the horrible pressures of this holiday: desperate scramble to find anything with lips just so you can have someone to kiss when the ball drops!! Man, I'm talking loud!你有保罗.无须面对新年带来的压力，无须急着寻找有嘴唇的生物，便于在球落下那一刻有个亲嘴的对象，哦,我说得太大声了!Rachel: Well, for your information, Paolo is gonna be in Rome this New Year, so I'll be just as pathetic as the rest of you.保罗新年时会在罗马，所以我将和各位一样可悲Phoebe: Yeah, you wish! 想得美Chandler: It's just that I'm sick of being a victim of this Dick Clark holiday. I say this year, no dates, we make a pact. Just the six of us- dinner.我有个主意,聚餐，不错,我们可以把它放在午饭和早饭之间，我不想再听到迪克拉克的疲劳轰炸，我说今年,我们约定.只有我们6个共进晚餐All: Yeah, okay. Alright.Chandler: Y'know, I was hoping for a little more enthusiasm.我希望大家能更开心点All: Woooo! Yeah!Rachel: Phoebe, you're on. 菲比,该上台了Phoebe: Oh, oh, good.Rachel: (Into microphone) Okay, hi. Ladies and gentlemen, back bypopular demand, Miss Phoebe Buffay. Wooh!各位,回应大家要求，菲比布费小姐Phoebe: (Takes mike) Thanks, hi. Um, I wanna start with a song that means a lot to me this time of year. (Shakes bell as an introduction) (Sung:)首先的这首歌在这种时节令我感慨万分I made a man with eyes of coalAnd a smile so bewitchin',How was I supposed to knowThat my mom was dead in the kitchen?(shakes bell) La lalala la la la la lalala la la...我做了一个人,眼睛是煤炭做的，他有谜样的微笑，我如何能承受，母亲死在厨房的事实，(Cut to later. Everyone is totally depressed by now.)Phoebe: (Sung)...My mother's ashesEven her eyelashesAre resting in a little yellow jar,And sometimes when it's breezy...母亲的骨灰，甚至是她的睫毛，都安放在一个黄色的小骨灰坛，当有时天寒地冻，(Over the sound of Phoebe singing we hear two scientists, Max and David, having a noisy discussion)Phoebe: (Sung)...I feel a little sneezyAnd now I- (abruptly stops)Excuse me, excuse me! Yeah, noisy boys! (They stop talking and look up) Is it something that you would like to share with the entire group?我感觉有点想打啧涕，如今我…抱歉,吵闹的男人，有什么想和大家分享的吗? Max: No. No, that's- that's okay. 没.没,没事Phoebe: Well, c'mon, if it's important enough to discuss while I'm playing, then I assume it's important enough for everyone else to hear! 如果有事如此重要你们非在我唱歌时谈论，那就重要的足以与我们分享Chandler: (Quietly, to the others) That guy's going home with a note!那家伙铁定会带着一本注意事项回家去David: Noth- I was- I was just saying to my-我是告诉我朋友…Phoebe: Could you speak up please? 大声点行吗?David: (Stands up and speaks more loudly) Sorry, I wa- I was just saying to my friend that I thought you were the most beautiful woman that I'd ever seen in my- in my life. And then he said that- you said you thought 抱歉,我，我告诉我朋友：你是我见过最漂亮的女孩Max: Daryl Hannah. 他说黛瑞汉娜…David: Daryl Hannah was the most beautiful woman that he'd ever seen in his life and I said yeah, I liked her in Splash, a lot, but not so much in- in Wall Street, I thought she had kind of a黛瑞汉娜是他见过最美的女人，我说我喜欢“美人鱼”中的她，但“华尔街”就没那么喜欢了，她没那种硬派气质，Max: Hard quality.David: -hard quality. And uh, while Daryl Hannah is beautiful in a conventional way, you are luminous with a kind of a delicate grace. Then, uh, that-that-that's when you started yelling. (Sits down)黛瑞汉娜是传统的美，而你散发出高雅的气质，然后你就叫我们了Phoebe: Okay, we're gonna take a short break. (Goes over to their table) 休息片刻Joey: Hey, that guy's going home with more than a note!那小伙得到得远不止注意事项了啊(抱得美人归)[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone except Joey is decorating for Christmas.]Ross: Come here, Marcel. Sit here. (Marcel wanders off)过来,马修,坐这儿Rachel: Pheebs, I can't believe he hasn't kissed you yet. I mean God, by my sixth date with Paolo, I mean he had already named both mybreasts! ...Ooh. Did I just share too much?拜托,没想到他还没亲你，我第6次和保罗约会时，他就为我的双峰取了名字，我分享太多了吗?Ross: Just a smidge. 一点点Phoebe: David's like, y'know, Scientist Guy. He's very methodical.大卫是个科学家,做事一丝不苟Monica: I think it's romantic. 我认为这很浪漫Phoebe: Me too! Oh! Did you ever see An Officer and a Gentleman?我也这么想! 你们看过军官与绅士吗?Rachel: Yeah!Phoebe: Well, he's kinda like the guy I went to see that with. Except, except he-he's smarter, and gentler, and sweeter... I just- I just wanna be with him all the time. Day and night, and night and day... andspecial occasions...他就是我心目中的白马王子，除了他更聪明,温柔体贴，我只想整天和他厮守在一起，不管是白天或夜晚,还是夜晚或白天，还有特别的日子Chandler: Wait a minute, wait a minute, I see where this is going,you're gonna ask him to New Year's, aren't you. You're gonna break the pact. She's gonna break the pact.等等,我知道了，你邀他共渡新年,对不? 她想抛弃我们Phoebe: No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, could I just?不…对,我可以…Chandler: Yeah, 'cause I already asked Janice.好吧,因为我已约了珍妮丝Monica: What?! 什么?Ross: C'mon, this was a pact! This was your pact!这是一个约定!这是你们的约定!Chandler: I snapped, okay? I couldn't handle the pressure and I snapped. 我耐不住寂寞,我毁约了Monica: Yeah, but Janice? That-that was like the worst breakup inhistory!可是珍妮丝…你们的分手不是糟透了?Chandler: I'm not saying it was a good idea, I'm saying I snapped!我没说这是个好主意,我毁约了[Joey enters, his shoes have bells on, which jingle as he walks. He is wearing a long coat.]Joey: Hi. Hi, sorry I'm late. 抱歉,我迟到了(He removes the coat to reveal an elf costume)Chandler: Too many jokes... must mock Joey!滑稽了，快取笑乔伊Joey: Nice shoes, huh? (He wiggles his foot and the bells tinkle)鞋子正点吧Chandler: Aah, y'killing me!(Marcel knocks over some kitchen tools)Monica: Ross! He's playing with my spatulas again!罗斯,它又玩我的铲子Ross: Okay, look, he's not gonna hurt them, right?它又不会玩坏的Monica: Do you always have to bring him here?你非得每次都带它来不可吗?Ross: I didn't wanna leave him alone. Alright? We- we had our firstfight this morning. I think it has to do with my working late. I said some things that I didn't mean, and he- he threw some faeces...我不想留下他一个人?我们早上才吵了一架，一定是我加班惹的祸我说了不该说的话，它就朝我扔一坨屎Chandler: Y'know, if you're gonna work late, I could look in on him for you.如果你必须加班,我可以替你照顾它Ross: Oh, that'd be great! Okay, but if you do, make sure it seems like you're there to see him, okay, and you're not like doing it as a favour to me.这太好了，如果你去照顾它, 要装成一付去找它的样子，不能让它知道你是在帮我忙Chandler: Okay, but if he asks, I'm not going to lie.好,但它如果问起我可就要直话直说了[Scene: Max and David's lab, David is explaining something to Phoebe with the aid of a whiteboard.]David: ...But, you can't actually test this theory, because today's particle accelerators are nowhere near powerful enough to simulate these conditions.但我们仍无法测试这个理论，因为今日粒子加速的速度，仍无法模拟出这样的情况Phoebe: Okay, alright, I have a question, then.好,我有个问题David: Yuh.Phoebe: Um, were you planning on kissing me ever?你打算亲我吗?David: Uh, that's definitely a, uh, valid question. And, uh, the answer would be (Writes YES on the board) yes. Yes I was. But, see, I wanted it to be this phenomenal kiss that happened at this phenomenal moment, because, well, 'cause it's you.这是个正当而合理的问题答案是…答案是…是的.对,我曾想过但我要让这非凡的吻…发生在非凡的时刻,因为是你Phoebe: Sure. 当然David: Right. But, see, the longer I waited, the more phenomenal the kiss had to be, and now we've reached a place where it's just gotta be one of those things where I just like... sweep everything off the table and throw you down on it. And, uh, I'm not really a, uh, sweeping sorta fella.但等得越久亲吻就越非凡，而在此时此地,我想…扫去桌上的一切,将你丢在上面，但我不是会扫去一切,那种猴急的男人Phoebe: Oh, David, I, I think you are a sweeping sorta fella. I mean, you're a sweeper! ...trapped inside a physicist's body.大卫,我想你是，你是被困在物理学家体内的猛男David: Rrrreally. 真的?Phoebe: Oh, yeah, oh, I'm sure of it. You should just do it, just sweep and throw me.没错,我确定，你应该解放出来,把我丢上去吧David: ...Now? Now? 现在?Phoebe: Oh yeah, right now. 对,现在David: Okay, okay, okay. (Gets ready to sweep, and then picks up a laptop computer) Y'know what, this was just really expensive. (Puts itdown elsewhere. Then picks up a microscope) And I'll take- this was a gift. (Moves it)好.好.好，这东西很贵的，这个是人家送的Phoebe: Okay, now you're just kinda tidying.你在清理场地?David: Okay, what the hell, what the hell. (Sweeps the remaining papers off the desk and grabs Phoebe) You want me to actually throw you or you-you wanna just hop?好吧,管他的，你想让我丢上去还是自己跳上去?Phoebe: I can hop. (She hops onto the table) 我自己跳好了(They kiss, finally)[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.]Ross: So tell me something. What does the phrase 'no date pact' mean to you?告诉我,“没有约会的约定”对你们有何意义?Monica: I'm sorry, okay. It's just that Chandler has somebody, and Phoebe has somebody- I thought I'd ask Fun Bobby.钱德有对象,菲比也有对象，所以我约了搞笑巴比Chandler: Fun Bobby? Your ex-boyfriend Fun Bobby?搞笑巴比?你的前任男友搞笑巴比?Monica: Yeah.Joey: You know more than one Fun Bobby?你还认识其他的搞笑巴比?Chandler: I happen to know a Fun Bob.我认识搞笑巴伯Rachel: (Brings Joey a mug of coffee) Okay, here we go...Joey: Ooh ooh ooh ooh, there's no room for milk!太满了,我没法加牛奶了Rachel: (Glances at Joey and then sips his coffee) There. Now there is. 好了,这下可以了Ross: Okay, so on our no-date evening, three of you now have dates.所以在这个没有约会的晚上,三人另有节目Joey: Uh, four. 四人Ross: Four.Rachel: Five. 五人Ross: Five. (Buries his head in his hands)Rachel: Sorry. Paolo's catching an earlier flight.抱歉,保罗提早搭飞机回来Joey: Yeah, and I met this really hot single mom at the store. What's an elf to do?而我在商场遇上—个火辣辣的单亲妈妈，我这个小精灵怎能抗拒?Ross: Okay, so I'm gonna be the only one standing there alone when the ball drops?这么说球落下那一刻，我是唯一一个孤零零的家伙?Rachel: Oh, c'mon. We'll have, we'll have a big party, and no-one'll know who's with who.我们将举行盛大的派对，而且没人知道到底知道谁和谁Ross: Hey, y'know, this is so not what I needed right now.我知道,而且这不是我现在需要知道的Monica: What's the matter? 你怎么了?Ross: Oh, it's-it's Marcel. He keeps shutting me out, y'know? He's walking around all the time dragging his hands...都是马修，它生我的气了，我不知道为什么它一直不让我进门，它拖着双手不断绕圈子Chandler: That's so weird, I had such a blast with him the other night. 真是诡异我前几天晚上还跟它相处愉快Ross: Really. 真的?Chandler: Yeah, we played, we watched TV.. that juggling thing is amazing.我们一起玩,看电视杂耍那一部份真是太精彩了Ross: What, uh... what juggling thing? 什么杂耍?Chandler: With the balled-up socks? I figured you taught him that.拿袜子当球耍,我以为是你教它的Ross: No.Chandler: Y'know, it wasn't that big a deal. He just balled up socks... and a melon...这也不算什么,只是拿袜子罢了，还有一颗香瓜(Max runs in)Max: Phoebe. Hi.Phoebe: Oh, hi Max! Hey, do you know everybody?马克斯,认识大家吗?Max: No. Have you seen David?不认识,你看见大卫吗?Phoebe: No, no, he hasn't been around.没有,他没在这儿Max: Well, if you see him, tell him to pack his bags. We are going to Minsk.看见他时告诉他快打包,我们要去明斯克Phoebe: Minsk? 明斯克?Max: Minsk. It's in Russia. 在苏联Phoebe: I know where Minsk is. 我知道明斯克在哪儿Max: We got the grant. Three years, all expenses paid.我们已申请到奖助金，全额赞助我们三年Phoebe: So when, when do you leave? 你们何时去明斯克Max: January first. 元旦(新年第一天)Commercial Break[Scene: Max and David's lab, they are working. Phoebe knocks on the door] Phoebe: Hello? 有人吗?David: Hey!Phoebe: Hi.David: Hi! (Kisses her) What-what're you doing here?你来这儿干什么?Phoebe: Um, well, Max told me about Minsk, so (Puts on a fake cheery voice) congratulations! This is so exciting!马克斯告诉我明克斯的事了，恭喜了,真叫人兴奋Max: It'd be even more exciting if we were going.能去的话会更叫人兴奋Phoebe: Oh, you're not going? (Fake disappointed voice) Oh, why?你不去了?为什么?Max: Tell her, David. 'I don't wanna go to Minsk and work with Lifsonand Yamaguchi and Flench, on nonononononono. I wanna stay here and make out with my girlfriend!!' (Storms out)告诉她,“我不打算去…” …去和李本斯亚马古基与法朗克共事，我要留下来和我的女友培养感情David: Thank you, Max. Thank you. 够了,马克斯,谢谢Phoebe: So-so you're really not going? 你真的不去?David: I don't know. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I just- you decide. 我也不知道,我只是…我不知道.你决定Phoebe: Oh don't do that. 别这样David: Please. 我是在求你Phoebe: Oh no no.David: No, but I'm asking-Phoebe: Oh, but I can't do that-我不能那么做David: No, but I can't-Phoebe: It's your thing, and-David: -make the decision-Phoebe: Okay, um, stay. 留下来David: Stay.Phoebe: Stay.(He thinks for a moment and sweeps the stuff off the table)Phoebe: Getting so good at that! (She hops on)你进步神速啊!David: It was Max's stuff. (They kiss)这是麦克斯的东西[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the party has started.]Janice: I love this artichoke thing! Oh, don't tell me what's in it, the diet starts tomorrow! (Laughs her Janice laugh)我喜欢菊芋，别告诉我里面是什么，我明天才开始节食Chandler: You remember Janice. 记得珍妮丝?Monica: Vividly. 历历在目(Someone knocks on the door; Monica gets it)Monica: Hi.Sandy: Hi, I'm Sandy.Joey: Sandy! Hi! C'mon in! (She enters, followed by a young boy and a younger girl)...You brought your kids. 你把孩子都带来了Sandy: Yeah. That's okay, right? 对,可以吗?(Joey and Monica look at each other and shrug. Ross enters with Marcelon his shoulder)Ross: Par-tay!Monica: That thing is not coming in here. 这东西不可以进来Ross: 'That thing'? This is how you greet guests at a party? Let me ask you something, if I showed up here with my new girlfriend, she wouldn't be welcome in your home?东西?你都这样招呼客人吗? 我问你,如果我带着新女友来，你也不欢迎她进来? Monica: I'm guessing your new girlfriend wouldn't urinate on my coffee table.你的新女友不会尿在我的咖啡桌上Ross: Okay. He was more embarrassed about that than anyone. Okay? Andfor him to have the courage to walk back in here like nothing happened... 它已经够难为情了,行吗? 它已鼓足勇气回到这里，就当一切都没发生过一样Monica: Alright. Just keep him away from me.好,叫它离我远点就是了Ross: Thank you. (She walks off) C'mon, Marcel, whaddya say you and I do a little mingling? (Marcel runs off) Alright, I'll, uh... catch up with you later.谢谢.来,马修，咱们去交际一下吧，好吧,待会儿见(The door opens. Rachel is standing there. Her coat is muddy and torn, her hair is dishevelled and her face is bruised. Everyone turns to look) Monica: Oh my gosh! Rachel, honey.. are you okay? Where-where's Paolo?天啊,瑞秋,你没事吧? 保罗在哪儿?Rachel: Rome. Jerk missed his flight.罗马.那混蛋没赶上飞机Phoebe: And then... your face is bloated?然后你的脸就爆炸了?Rachel: No. Okay. I was at the airport, getting into a cab, when this woman- this blonde planet with a pocketbook- starts yelling at me. Something about how it was her cab first. And then the next thing I know she just starts- starts pulling me out by my hair! So I'm blowing my attack whistle thingy and three more cabs show up, and as I'm going to get into a cab she tackles me. And I hit my head on the kerb and cut my lip on my whistle...oh...everybody having fun at the party? (To Monica) Are people eating my dip?不是，我在机场要进入计程车时，一个带着一本书的金发女人，开始对我大叫,说是她先拦到的，然后她就开始扯我的头发，我拿出口哨猛吹，结果又来了三辆计程车，我要进入车时,她又展开攻击，结果我撞上了马路牙子，嘴唇被口中的哨子弄伤，大家玩得还愉快吧? -有人吃我的泡菜吗[Time lapse. Monica and Rachel, fixed up somewhat, emerge from a bedroom] Sandy: Y'know, when I saw you at the store last week, it was probablythe first time I ever mentally undressed an elf.我上周在商场看见你时，那或许是我第一次想像裸体的小精灵Joey: Wow, that's, uh, dirty. 真淫荡Sandy: Yeah.(They almost kiss and then Joey realises her kids are staring at them) Joey: Hey, kids...Ross: (Watching Marcel play with Phoebe. To Chandler) Look at him. I'm not saying he has to spend the whole evening with me, but at least check in.我没说他得整晚和我待在一起，但至少也得来问候一声Janice: (Startles them) There you are! Haaah, you got away from me!原来你在这儿，你从我身边逃跑了Chandler: (Imitating) But you found me! 但又被你逮到了Janice: Here, Ross, take our picture. (Hands him a camera and he starts snapping) Smile! You're on Janice Camera!罗斯,帮我们照一张，笑一个,你在珍妮丝的相机中了Chandler: Kill me. Kill me now. 杀了我吧,现在就杀了我(Someone else knocks on the door. Monica looks through the spyhole) Monica: Hey everybody! It's Fun Bobby! 各位,搞笑巴比来了(Everyone cheers. Monica opens the door. Bobby is obviously very depressed)Fun Bobby: Hey, sorry I'm late. But my, uh, grandfather, he- died about two hours ago. But I-I-I couldn't get a flight out 'til tomorrow, sohere I am!抱歉,我迟到了.我祖父他，他在两小时前过世了，明天才有飞机,所以我来了Joey: (Approaching) Hey Fun Bobby! Whoah! Who died?搞笑巴比,近来可好?谁死了?(Monica gestures wildly behind Fun Bobby's back)[Time lapse. Bobby is talking about his grandfather. Everyone else is virtually in tears]Fun Bobby: It's gonna be an open casket, y'know, so at least I'll- I get to see him again.他棺材将暂时不盖上，所以我至少可以再见他最后一面Janice: (Ross is still taking their photo) Oh, I'm gonna blow this one up, and I'm gonna write 'Reunited' in glitter.我要在上面哈口气,然后写上“破镜重圆”Chandler: Alright, Janice, that's it! Janice... Janice... Hey, Janice, when I invited you to this party I didn't necessarily think that it meant that we-珍妮丝,够了，珍妮丝…珍妮丝…珍妮丝,我邀你来并不代表我们…Janice: Oh, no. Oh, no. 哦，不…Chandler: I'm sorry you misunderstood... 抱歉,让你误会了Janice: Oh my God. You listen to me, Chandler, you listen to me. One of these times is just gonna be your last chance with me. (She runs off)你听我说…你听我说…这可能是你我最后一次共处了，(Ross is still taking photos)Chandler: Oh, will you give me the thing. (Snatches the camera)那东西可以给我吗?(David is feeding Phoebe popcorn. Max walks up)Phoebe: Hi, Max!Max: Yoko. (To David) I've decided to go to Minsk without you.我决定自己去明斯克了David: Wow.Max: It won't be the same- but it'll still be Minsk. Happy NewYear.(Walks off)少了你将不太一样…但明斯克还是明斯克新年快乐Phoebe: Are you alright? 你还好吧?David: Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine. 没事,我没事,我没事(Phoebe leads David into a bedroom)Phoebe: You're going to Minsk. 你去明克斯吧David: No, I'm... not going to Minsk. 不,我不去了Phoebe: Oh, you are so going to Minsk. You belong in Minsk. You can't stay here just 'cause of me.你一定要去明斯克，你属于明斯克你不能因为我而留下来David: Yes I can. Because if I go it means I have to break up with you, and I can't break up with you.如果我走,就代表我必须与你分手，但我不能和你分手.Phoebe: Oh yes, yes, yes you can. Just say, um, 'Phoebe, my work is my life and that's what I have to do right now'. And I say 'your work?! Your work?! How can you say that?!'. And then you say, um, 'it's tearing me apart, but I have no choice. Can't you understand that?'. And I say (Hits him) 'no! No! I can't understand that!'.是的,你可以的，只用说,“菲比,我爱你, 但是工作是我的生命” “这是我必须做的.” 然后我说,“你的工作?你竟说出这种话?” 接着你说,“我没有选择. 难道你不了解吗?” 我说,“不!不!我不了解!”David: Uh, ow.Phoebe: Ooh, sorry. Um, and, and then you put your arms around me. And then you put your arms around me. (He does so) And, um, and then youtell me that you love me and you'll never forget me.对不起，然后你抱住我…然后你抱住我…然后你对我说你爱我，你永远不会忘记我David: I'll never forget you. 我永远不会忘记你Phoebe: And then you say that it's almost midnight and you have to go because you don't wanna start the new year with me if you can't finish it. (They kiss) I'm gonna miss you. You scientist guy.你又说现在已接近午夜,你必须走了。
老友记第一季剧本台词文件管理序列号：[K8UY-K9IO69-O6M243-OL889-F88688]10 2 The One With the Sonogram at the End[Scene Central Perk, everyone's there.]Monica: What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing isas important as any part of it.Joey: Yeah, right!.......Y'seriousPhoebe: Oh, yeah!Rachel: Everything you need to know is in that first kiss. Monica: Absolutely.Chandler: Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'knowI mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.Ross: Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian,it's that-that... that's not why we bought the ticket. Chandler: The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again, y'knowI mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic... basically just trying to stay awake.Rachel: Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone.Joey: (pause)....Are we still talking about sex?Opening Credits[Scene: Museum of Prehistoric History, Ross and a co-worker (Marsha) are setting up an exhibit which includes some mannequins of cave people.]Ross: No, it's good, it is good, it's just that- mm- doesn't she seem a little angryMarsha: Well, she has issues.Ross: Does she.Marsha: He's out banging other women over the head with a club, while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of the carpet!Ross: Marsha, these are cave people. Okay They have issues like 'Gee, that glacier's getting kinda close.' SeeMarsha: Speaking of issues, isn't that your ex-wife(Carol, Ross's ex-wife, has entered behind them and is standing outstide the exhibit.)Ross: (trying to ignore her) No. No.Marsha: Yes, it is. Carol! Hi!Ross: Okay, okay, yes, it is. (waves) How about I'll, uh, catch up with you in the Ice Age.(Marsha extis and Ross waves Carol into the exhibit.)Ross:Hi.Carol: So.Ross: You look great. I, uh... I hate that.Carol: Sorry. You look good too.Ross: Ah, well, in here, anyone who... stands erect... Sowhat's new Still, uh...Carol: A lesbianRoss: Well... you never know. How's, um.. how's the family Carol: Marty's still totally paranoid. Oh, and, uh-Ross: Why- why are you here, CarolCarol: I'm pregnant.Ross: Pregnant![Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are watching Three's Company.]Chandler: Oh, I think this is the episode of Three's Company where there's some kind of misunderstanding.Phoebe:...Then I've already seen this one! (Turns off the TV.) Monica: (taking a drink from Joey) Are you through with thatJoey: Yeah, sorry, the swallowing slowed me down.Monica: Whose little ball of paper is this!Chandler: Oh, uh, that would be mine. See, I wrote a note to myself, and then I realised I didn't need it, so I balled it up and... (sees that Monica is glaring at him) ...now I wish I was dead.(Monica starts to fluff a pillow.)Phoebe: She's already fluffed that pillow... Monica, you know, you've already fluffed that- (Monica glares at her.) -but, it's fine!Monica: Look , I'm sorry, guys, I just don't wanna give them any more ammunition than they already have.Chandler: Yes, and we all know how cruel a parent can be about the flatness of a child's pillow.Phoebe: Monica- Hi! Um, Monica, you're scaring me. I mean,you're like, you're like all chaotic and twirly. And not-not in a good way.Joey: Yeah, calm down. You don't see Ross getting all chaotic and twirly every time they come.Monica: That's because as far as my parents are concerned, Ross can do no wrong. Y'see, he's the Prince. Apparently they had some big ceremony before I was born.Chandler: (looking out the window) Ew, ew, ew, ew ew ew ew ew! Monica: WhatChandler: Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster!All: Eeaagh!(Rachel enters from her room.)Rachel: Has anybody seen my engagement ringPhoebe: Yeah, it's beautiful.Rachel: Oh God, oh God, oh God oh God oh God oh God.... (Starts to look under the couch cushions.)Phoebe: No, look, don't touch that!Rachel: Oh, like I wasn't dreading tomorrow enough, having to give it back to him... 'Hi Barry! Remember me I'm the girl in the veil who stomped on your heart in front of your entire family!' Oh God and now I'm gonna have to return the ring, without the ring, which makes it so much harder...Monica: Easy Rach, we'll find it. (To all) Won't we!Chandler and Joey: Oh! Yeah!Joey: Alright, when'd'ya have it on last?Phoebe: Doy! Probably right before she lost it!Chandler: You don't get a lot of 'doy' these days...Rachel: I know I had it this morning, and I know I had it when I was in the kitchen with...Chandler: ...DinahRachel: (looks at the lasagne and realizes something) Ohhhhh, don't be mad...Monica: You didn't.Rachel: Oh, I am sorry...Monica: I gave you one job! (Starts to examin the lasagne through the bottom of the glass pan.)Rachel: Oh, but look how straight those noodles are! Chandler: Now, Monica, you know that's not how you look for an engagement ring in a lasagne...Monica: (puts down the lasagne) I just... can't do it. Chandler: BoysWe're going in.(Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe start to pick through the lasagne as there's a knock on the door which Monica answers.)Ross: (standing outside the door) (i)Monica: Wow. That is not a happy hi.Ross: Carol's pregnant.Phoebe: (while everyone else is stunned) Ooh! I found it! Monica: W-w-wh-... wha-... w-w-w-...Ross: Yeah. Do that for another two hours, you might be where I am right about now. (He enters.)Chandler: Kinda puts that whole pillow thing in perspective, huh, MonRachel: Well now, how-how do you fit into this whole thing Ross: Well, Carol says she and Susan want me to be involved, but if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be involved.. basically it's entirely up to me.Phoebe: She is so great! I miss her.Monica: What does she mean by 'involved'Chandler: I mean presumably, the biggest part of your job is done.Ross: Anyway, they want me to go down to this- sonogram thing with them tomorrow.Rachel: So what are you gonna doRoss: I have no idea. No matter what I do, though, I'm still gonna be a father.(Joey starts to eat the rest of the lasagne and everyone turns and stares at him.)Joey: .....Well, this is still ruined, right?[Scene, Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Ross are pouring winefor their parents.]Mrs. Geller: Oh, Martha Ludwin's daughter is gonna call you. (Tastes a snack) Mmm! What's that curry tasteMonica: Curry.Mrs. Geller: Mmmm!Ross: I- I think they're great! I, I really do.Mr. Geller: (To Ross) Do you remember the Ludwins The big one had a thing for you, didn't sheMrs. Geller: They all had a thing for him.Ross: Aw, Mom...Monica: I'm sorry, why is this girl going to call meMrs. Geller: Oh, she just graduated, and she wants to be something in cooking, or food, or.... I don't know. Anyway, Itold her you had a restaurant-Monica: No Mom, I don't have a restaurant, I work in a restaurant.Mrs. Geller: Well, they don't have to know that... (She startsto fluff the same pillow Monica fluffed multiple times earlier.) Monica: Ross, could you come and help me with the spaghetti, pleaseRoss: Yeah. (They go to the kitchen.)Mrs. Geller: Oh, we're having spaghetti! That's.... easy. Monica: I know this is going to sound unbelievably selfish, but, were you planning on bringing up the whole baby/lesbian thing Because I think it might take some of the heat off me.[Time Lapse, everyone is now eating.]Mrs. Geller: What that Rachel did to her life.... We ran intoher parents at the club, they were not playing very well.Mr. Geller: I'm not gonna tell you what they spent on that wedding... but forty thousand dollars is a lot of money!Mrs. Geller: Well, at least she had the chance to leave a manat the altar...Monica: What's that supposed to meanMrs. Geller: Nothing! It's an expression.Monica: No it's not.Mr. Geller: Don't listen to your mother. You're independent,and you always have been! Even when you were a kid... and you were chubby, and you had no friends, you were just fine! Andyou would read alone in your room, and your puzzles...[Time Lapse.]Mr. Geller: Look, there are people like Ross who need to shootfor the stars, with his museum, and his papers gettingpublished. Other people are satisfied with staying where theyare- I'm telling you, these are the people who never get cancer. [Time Lapse.]Mr. Geller: ...And I read about these women trying to have it all, and I thank God 'Our Little Harmonica' doesn't seem tohave that problem.Monica: (trying desperately to change the subject) So, Ross, what's going on with you Any stories (Digs her elbow into his hand.) No news, no little anecdotes to share with the folks Ross: (pulls his hand away) Okay! Okay. (To his parents) Look,I, uh- I realise you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Carol and me, and, so, well, here's the deal. Carol's a lesbian. She's living with a woman named Susan. She's pregnant with my child, and she and Susan are going to raisethe baby.(Stunned silence ensues.)Mrs. Geller: (To Monica) And you knew about this!Commercial Break[Scene: Central Park, everyone's there.]Joey: Your folks are really that bad, huhRoss: Well, y'know, these people are pros. They know whatthey're doing, they take their time, they get the job done.Monica: Boy, I know they say you can't change your parents,... boy, if you could- (To Ross) -I'd want yours.Ross: Must pee. (Goes to pee.)Phoebe: Y'know, it's even worse when you're twins.Rachel: You're twinsPhoebe: Yeah. We don't speak. She's like this high-powered, driven career type.Chandler: What does she doPhoebe: She's a waitress.Rachel: All right, you guys, I kinda gotta clean up now. (They all start to leave.)Monica: Chandler, you're an only child, rightYou don't have any of this.Chandler: Well, no, although I did have an imaginary friend, who... my parents actually preferred.Rachel: The lights, please..(Joey turns off the lights, and they all leave as Rachel starts to clean up. Ross enters from the bathroom.)Ross: ...How long was I in thereRachel: I'm just cleaning up.Ross: D'ya.. uh.. d'ya need any helpRachel: Uh.. okay, sure! Thanks! (She hands him the broom and sits down.)Ross: Anyway.. um.. (Starts to sweep.) So, you- uh- you nervous about Barry tomorrowRachel: Oh.. a little..Ross: Mm-hmm..Rachel: A lot.Ross: Mm.Rachel: So, got any advice Y'know, as someone who's recently been- dumpedRoss: Well, you may wanna steer clear of the word 'dumped'. Chances are he's gonna be this, this broken shell of a man,y'know, so you should try not to look too terrific, I knowit'll be hard. Or, y'know, uh, hey!, I'll go down there, andI'll give Barry back his ring, and you can go with Carol and Susan to the OB/GYN...Rachel: Oh, you've got Carol tomorrow.. When did it get so complicatedRoss: Got me.Rachel: Remember when we were in high school togetherRachel: I mean, didn't you think you were just gonna meet somone, fall in love- and that'd be it (Ross gazes ather.) ..RossRoss: Yes, yes!Rachel: Oh! Man, I never thought I'd be here.. (She leans back onto his hand.)Ross: Me either... (He pulls up a stool so that he doesn't have to move his hand.)[Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, Carol is waiting.]Ross: (entering) Sorry I'm late, I was stuck at work. There was this big dinosaur.. thing.. anyway.(Susan enters holding a drink.)Susan: Hi.Carol: Ross, you remember Susan.Ross: How could I forgetSusan: Ross.Ross: (they shake hands) Hello, Susan. (To Carol) Good shake. Good shake. So, uh, we're just waiting for...Carol: Dr. Oberman.Ross: ..Dr. Oberman. Okay. And is he-Ross: -she, of course, she- uh- familiar with our.. special situationCarol: Yes, and she's very supportive.Ross: Okay, that's great. (Susan gives her drink to Carol.) No, I'm- Oh.Carol: Thanks.Ross: (picks up a surgical instrament and mimes a duck with it) Quack, quack..Carol: Ross That opens my cervix. (He drops it in horror.) [Scene Barry's office, Barry is working on patient, Robbie, as Rachel enters.]Rachel: BarryBarry: C'mon in.Rachel: (hesitates) Are you sureBarry: Yeah! It's fine, it's fine. Robbie's gonna be here for hours.Robbie: Huh!Barry: So, how ya doinRachel: I'm- uh- I'm okay... You look great!Barry: Yeah, well..Bernice: (over intercom) Dr. Farber, Jason Greenstein's gagging.Barry: (answering the intercom) Be right there. (To Robbie and Rachel) Be back in a sec.(As Barry exits Robbie stares at Rachel.)Rachel: I dumped him.Robbie: Okay.[Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, they're talking about how this is going to work.]Ross: So, um- so how's this, uh, how's this gonna work Y'know, with us Y'know, when, like, important decisions have to be made Carol: Give me a 'for instance'.Ross: Well, uh, uh, I don't know, okay, okay, how about with the, uh, with the baby's nameCarol: Marlon-Ross: Marlon!Carol: -if it's a boy, Minnie if it's a girl.Ross: ...As in MouseCarol: As in my grandmother.Ross: Still, you- you say Minnie, you hear Mouse. Um, how about, um.. how about JuliaCarol: Julia..Susan: We agreed on Minnie.Ross: 'S'funny, um, uh, we agreed we'd spend the rest of our lives together. Things change, roll with the punches. I believe Julia's on the table..[Scene: Barry's office, Rachel is doing her makeup in themirror on Barry's lamp as Barry enters.]Barry: Sorry about that. So. What have you been up toRachel: Oh, not much. I-I got a job.Barry: Oh, that's great.Rachel: Why are- why are you so tannedBarry: Oh, I, uh- I went to Aruba.Rachel: Oh no. You went on our honeymoon aloneBarry: No. I went with, uh.. Now, this may hurt.Robbie: Me!Barry: No! (To Rachel) I went with Mindy.Rachel: Mindy! My maid of honour, Mindy!Barry: Yeah, well, uh, we're kind of a thing now.Rachel: Oh! Well, um.. (Grabs his forehand) You've got plugs! Barry: Careful! They haven't quite taken yet.Rachel: And you've got lenses! But you hate sticking yourfinger in your eye!Barry: Not for her. Listen, I really wanted to thank you.Rachel: Okay..Barry: See, about a month ago, I wanted to hurt you. More thanI've ever wanted to hurt anyone in my life. And I'm an orthodontist.Rachel: Wow.Barry: You know, you were right I mean, I thought we were happy. We weren't happy. But with Mindy, now I'm happy. Spit.Rachel: WhatRobbie: Me. (Spits.)Rachel: Anyway, um, (Gets the ring out of her purse.) I guessthis belongs to you. And thank you for giving it to me.Barry: Well, thank you for giving it back.(Barry and Rachel look at each other.)Robbie: Hello![Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, they're still arguing about what toname the baby.]Susan: Oh, please! What's wrong with HelenRoss: Helen Geller I don't think so.Carol: Hello It's not gonna be Helen Geller.Ross: Thank you!Carol: No, I mean it's not Geller.Ross: What, it's gonna be Helen WillickCarol: No, actually, um, we talked about Helen Willick-Bunch. Ross: Well, wait a minute, wha- why is she in the titleSusan: It's my baby too.Ross: Oh, 's'funny, really Um, I don't remember you making any sperm.Susan: Yeah, and we all know what a challenge that is!Carol: All right, you two, stop it!Ross: No no no, she gets a credit, hey, I'm in there too. Carol: Ross. You're not actually suggesting Helen Willick-Bunch-Geller 'Cause I think that borders on child abuse.Ross: Of course not, I'm... suggesting Geller-Willick-Bunch. Susan: Oh, no, nonononono, you see what he's doing He knows no-one's gonna say all those names, so they'll wind up calling her Geller, then he gets his way!Ross: My way! You-you think this is my way Believe me, of all the ways I ever imagined this moment in my life being, this is not my way- y'know what Uh, um, this is too hard. I'm not, Ican't do-Dr. Oberman: (entering) Knock knock!How are we today Any nausea All: Yeah. Yeah. A little.Dr. Oberman: Well, I was just wondering about the mother-to-be, but.. thanks for sharing. (To Carol) Uh, lie back..Ross: You- uh- y'know what, I'm gonna go. I don't- I don'tthink I can be involved in this particular thing right now. (He turns to go, but the sound of the sonogram catches hes ear. He returns and stares at it.)Ross: Oh my God.Susan: Look at that.Carol: I know.Closing Credits[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment, everyone is watching the tape of the sonogram. Rachel is on the phone.]Ross: Well Isn't that amazingJoey: What are we supposed to be seeing hereChandler: I dunno, but.. I think it's about to attack the Enterprise.Phoebe: You know, if you tilt your head to the left, and relax your eyes, it kinda looks like an old potato.Ross: Then don't do that, alrightPhoebe: Okay!Ross: (walks over to where Monica is standing)Monica. Whaddya thinkMonica: (welling up) Mm-hmm.Ross: Wh- are you welling upMonica: No.Ross: You are, you're welling up.Monica: Am not!Ross: You're gonna be an aunt.Monica: (pushes him and starts to cry) Oh shut up!Rachel: (on phone) Hi, Mindy. Hi, it-it's Rachel. Yeah, I'mfine. I-I saw Barry today. Oh, yeah, yeah he-he told me. No, no, it's okay. I hope you two are very happy, I really do. Oh, oh, and Mind, y'know, if-if everything works out, and you guys endup getting married and having kids- and everything- I just hope they have his old hairline and your old nose. (Slams the phone down.) (To everyone) Okay, I know it was a cheap shot, but Ifeel so much better now.End。
