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无老师iBT新托福作文巨讲堂(2014)

无老师iBT新托福作文巨讲堂(2014)
无老师iBT新托福作文巨讲堂(2014)

无老师iBT新托福作文巨讲堂(2014年01月号)

来源: 本站浏览: 我要评论(3条)字号: 大中小

无老师优秀范例:The major reason for my propensity for space technology is the potential of scientific research. No matter how the impact it occurred, from the moment of its very advent, scientific research had become the very dictator of our future. It is by these researches that human beings, the only creature with intelligence on earth, began to soar their wings of aspiration. And more importantly, it had indeed done a great good for the humankind. Can you imagine getting access to the world wide web at your desk if there were not for the research of millions of computer ancestors? Similarly, it is highly probable that the great-grandchildren of your great-grandchildren would be enjoying a trip across the ―worm hole‖ while giving thanks secretly to his forefather, you, who voted for the expenditure on scientific research. In a word, the space project enjoys great potential, and should therefore be taken into account in top priority to ensure a better future of mankind.

无老师优秀翻译:我非常支持空间技术的最大的原因是他的科研上的潜力。不管它能产生多大的影响,从它出现的那一天起,科学研究就成了我们未来的灯塔。就是因为这些科学研究,我们人类,作为地球上唯一的智慧生物,终于可以开始展开我们希望的翅膀。而且,更重要的是,这就是对我们人类来说最大的益处!你能想象在你的书桌就可以连上互联网,如果不是有那些无数的电脑先驱的话?同样的,很有可能的是,你的曾孙女的曾孙女将会穿越―虫洞‖来进行旅行的时候,将会暗暗地感谢他的先祖,也就是你本人,为这个科学上的探索投了支持票。总而言之,空间项目会有巨大的潜力,因此也应该被寄予最高的优先级来保证人类的美好的未来。

无老师平庸翻译:The reason why I support the space technology is its big potential in science. No matter how big it is, from the day that it was made, science is our indicator. Because of these science, our human as the only animal who have intelligence, finally could expand our wing of hope. Besides, the more important, it is the biggest good for ourselves. Could you imagine that you could connect to the internet without so many ancestors? At the same time, it is possible that the great-grandchildren of your great-grandchildren will make a travel through a worm hole, will thank to her ancestors yourself who have voted for the science. All in all, space project have big potential, and so should be given very high priority to make sure bright future of human.

作文巨讲堂,无坚不摧,无往不利。本片作文巨讲堂的指导意义又上了一个新的台阶!在我们过去写的数十篇作文巨讲堂之中,优秀范例和平庸范例,从未出现如此之大的差别,如果说之前的差别是

1-10之间的差别的话,那么本片的差别则是1与30之间的差别。同时也让我们有了前所未有的对于文章的理解,当然这也说明了本篇文章的高度。

马年,我们就以此为题!第一步,马上枪!The major reason for my propensity for space technology is the potential of scientific research.对比平庸范例The reason why I support the space technology is its big potential in science.显然在这句话里面,优秀范例首先用一个major显示出本段的重要性,然后再接下来,用了propensity秀了一下自己的单词量,这跟动作电影猛男都要秀肌肉,是一样的情节。最后又用一个potential of的结构显示出与scientific research紧密的关系,相比之下,平庸范例里的potential in science这个in就显得稍微有些中式英语,也就是看上去也对,但是英语里就不会这么说。

第二句,把马跳!No matter how the impact it occurred, from the moment of its very advent, scientific research had become the very dictator of our future.对应的,平庸范例No matter how big it is, from the day that it was made, science is our indicator.在本句的优秀范例里,其实it occurred是有些多余的,完全可以写得更简洁些,但是后面的还是写的很精彩的,首先就是moment和advent这两个词用的非常准确,中国考生往往只能想到用动词happen,不仅如此,作者还有了一个very进行强调,顿时高大上了好几层楼啊!在本句话后面又写出了dictator of our future,表示―未来的指引者‖顿时有那么一丝丝的哲学意味飘然而来,让人肃然起敬。当然,作者还是忍不住又用了一个very来表示强调,我们只能还以微笑了。

第三句,让我们想起了那句歌词:在你的心上,自由的飞翔~~~~ It is by these researches that human beings, the only creature with intelligence on earth, began to soar their wings of aspiration.对比起平庸范例Because of these science, our human as the only animal who have intelligence, finally could expand our wing of hope.顿时让人怀疑,作者的格调这么高,已经快进入心灵鸡汤的境界了!首先是the only creature with intelligence on earth,顿时感觉耳边响起了《动物世界》里面赵忠祥老师的声音~―在苍茫的大草原的深处,有一群生物在成群结队的迁徙‖。作者的境界,真的是让人仰视啊!接下来优秀范例又写出了soar their wings of aspiration这句话感觉只有在TED讲台上的导师才能说出来的振奋人心的话!太牛了!虽然平庸范例也写出了类似的意思,但是who have和expand our wing完全就是词不达意。

第四句,马队熊进!And more importantly, it had indeed done a great good for the humankind.对比平庸范例Besides, the more important, it is the biggest good for ourselves.这里优秀范例的一个indeed是作者饱满的情感满溢而出,然后又用一个humankind显示出作者囊括全人类的情怀,不禁让人侧目!

第五句,优秀范例Can you imagine getting access to the world wide web at your desk if there were not for the research of millions of computer ancestors?对比平庸范例Could you imagine that you

could connect to the internet without so many ancestors?显然作者这里的get access to用的十分的书面化,相应的,平庸范例的connect就显得有些过于百搭,没有特点。接下来,优秀范例的for这个词就比较有正义了。正方会支持,因为这里表示―如果没有这难以技术的电脑先驱的的话‖,但是反对者也可以说,这里有可能产生一个歧义,也就是有人可能理解为―为了无数的电脑先驱‖,这样理解起来,确实有些无厘头了,就没有逻辑了。

倒数第二句,作者几乎是把自己的单词量铺成了7章28回的乐曲在反复吟唱Similarly, it is highly probable that the great-grandchildren of your great-grandchildren would be enjoying a trip across the ―worm hole‖ while giving thanks secretly to his forefather, you, who voted for the expenditure on scientific research.对比平庸范例At the same time, it is possible that the great-grandchildren of your great-grandchildren will make a travel through a worm hole, will thank to her ancestors yourself who have voted for the science.优秀范例的highly probable、great-grandchildren、enjoying a trip 、worm hole、thanks secretly to、voted for,以及expenditure让我们叹为观止!让人感觉作者是吹拉弹唱,样样在行!怎么可能找出这些准确的词汇!如果不是长期的阅读,以及长期的用英语锤炼自己的表达,是不可能做到的。

显然亮点不仅仅在词汇量这个部分,本篇文章通篇的还显示出作者无尽的想象力,前面有互联网,有希望的翅膀,本句话在时间上还产生了纵深感,great-grandchildren,worm hole,以及forefather

让我们在时间和空间的纵深感上无限延伸,作者的想象力令人叹为观止!本篇优秀作文不打30分,天理不容!

最后一句话,优秀范例In a word, the space project enjoys great potential, and should therefore be taken into account in top priority to ensure a better future of mankind.对比平庸范例All in all, space project have big potential, and so should be given very high priority to make sure bright future of human.首先,优秀范例的enjoy这个词用的非常地道,有一点喜欢,又有―有‖的意思,翻译成―享受‖有那么一丝丝的准确。然后therefore显示出前后两句话的逻辑关联,进而推出taken into account,让小伙伴们叹为观止!原来还能用这样的固定搭配表示―使用‖―采用‖的意思,而且不仅如此,后面的top priority,本来一个priority就已经够了,又加上一个top显示出这个东西的重要性。最后又用了better future of mankind这个文绉绉的,优秀范例的常见表达作为本句话的结尾,算是一个正常的收官。

纵观整段文章,我们最先的感觉是,抛出这些地道的表达不谈,仅仅是作者的想象力,就已经让人叹为观止,再辅以作者地道的表达,真的是双星闪耀,耀神州!范文中的范文!必须倒背如流

无老师iBT新托福作文巨讲堂(2014年02月号)

来源: 本站浏览: 我要评论(6条)字号: 大中小

无老师优秀范例:Admittedly, it is undeniable that within the range of school, the teaching quality mainly due to the influence of teachers in class. In the first place, teacher would be responsible for all different kinds of courses absorbed by the students, to name a few, physics, mathematics and English. These subjects and technology would be of vital importance for the career path and

intelli gence development of children. What‘s more, teachers would also make impact on student‘s mental health. For example, they need to provide guidance and mental caring especially when students are facing with obstacles and difficulties in their lives. To some extent, increasing in the compensation of educators would make them more committed as well as focused on the main task of their teaching thus increasing the quality of education.

无老师优秀中文翻译:必须承认,我们不可否认的是在学校范围内,教学的质量主要是取决于在班级里面教师的影响力。最初,教师会负责学生学的各种各样的课程,比如说物理,数学和英语。这些科目和技术对于孩子们未来的职业发展和开智起着至关重要的作用。不仅如此,教师还要为学生们的精神健康起着很大的影响作用。比如,他们需要提供咨询和心理照护,尤其当学生们面临生活当中的障碍和困难的时候。在某种程度上,增加教育的补偿,将会使他们更加的专注,而且也更会他们的主业,教学上,这样也会提升教育的质量。

无老师平庸范例:We have to admit that it is undeniable that in the school the teaching quality depends on the influence energy of teacher in the classroom. At first, teachers may be responsible for different class, such as, physics, mathematics and English. These class and technology will help these children‘s working development and help their brain impo rtantly. Besides, teachers may have a lot of influence in students‘ thinking health. For example, they would give guide and thinking care, especially when students meet obstruction and difficulty. In some extent, increasing compensation will make them more focusing, and more focus on their main job that is teaching, and will increase the teaching quality.

好作文,一定是多个角度都有自己的特长,今天无老师就从不同的2个角度来对其进行剖析,在此之前,我们更多关注的是遣词造句,今天我们再加一点,就是关注里面的逻辑。而且,今天无老师有绞尽脑汁的,在平庸范例里模仿了很多小伙伴们的常见错误,不知道小伙伴们看到没有。没看出来?那咱们一句一句来说。

第一句,优秀范例说的是Admittedly, it is undeniable that within the range of school, the teaching quality mainly due to the influence of teachers in class.平庸范例写的就很水了We have to admit that it is undeniable that in the school the teaching quality depends on the influence energy of teacher in the classroom.其实说话这个事情,谁都害怕啰嗦,你本来可以一个词就能说明白的,就没必要2个词,其实我们很多时候,就是因为不知道简洁明了的用法,而写了很多无用的东西。这里优秀案例的Admittedly 对比平庸案例的We have to admit就属于此类。再接下来优秀案例的within the range of school对比平庸范例的in the school,就显得平庸范例的in the school十分的小学生化,感觉就像是―尽享心灵的家园‖与―我喜欢这个‖的区别。接下来的优秀范例mainly due to与平庸范例的depends on其实差别不大,但是作为凤尾的mainly due to与作为鸡头depends on因为环境不同,给人的感觉也感觉mainly due to高了一点点,主要是增加了表达方式的多样性。最后就是平庸范例的influence energy其实很有趣,这就是典型的,我们在写英文的时候,经常是将中文僵硬的一对一的翻译成英文,而不管人家英文之中是否是这样说的,influence energy就是很典型的影响(力),其实在英文之中influence本身就有(力)这层含义,其实是不需要写energy的,但是当我们只是一对一翻译的时候,就容易写出influence energy 这种表达方式。总而言之,既然是在写英文,就要想想人家英文本来是怎么写的,而不要僵化的一对一翻译。

第二句,优秀范例In the first place, teacher would be responsible for all different kinds of courses absorbed by the students, to name a few, physics, mathematics and English.对比平庸范例At first, teachers may be responsible for different class, such as, physics, mathematics and English.在本句,句子一开始就亮出In the first place,直接就亮出了一条逻辑线,告诉读者,我这个是有逻辑顺序的,我这里要铺垫开头了。本句精巧的地方在于3点,第一点是be responsible for这个固定搭配,第二点是absorbed by the students,第三点是to name a few。第一点的be responsible for这没什么可说的。第二点的absorbed by the students非常有趣,其实当我们自己来写文章的时候,往往是写到different kinds of courses也就够了,不会写absorbed by the students,但是当在这里写了absorbed by the students之后,我们就会发现这里增强了对于课程的逻辑的描述,也就是起到了再次强调这个课程对于学生本身的帮助作用,是的句子的逻辑性变得更连贯,以下是的前后文的内容进行了更好的连接。而第三点的to name a few更有趣,因为我们想一下,这个部分如果翻译过来的话,最好就翻译为―我们可以提几个,比如说有‖,反思一下,我们马上就会发现,其实这里跟for example的作用是一样的,都是引起下文的例子的作用,但是用to name a few,显然是摆脱了千篇一律的for example,使得文章多样性增加。反观平庸范例,就是四平八稳,没有任何的亮点。

第三句,优秀范例亮出These subjects and technology would be of vital importance for the career path and intelligence development of children.而平庸范例的These class and technology will help these children‘s working development and help their brain importantly.就很low了。首先优秀范例的subject又是显示了作者用词的多样性,点个小赞。不过接下来的be of vital importance for和career path 就要点大赞了!因为be of vital importance for显然是没有用平凡的important,而且还用一个vital来修饰importance,来强调其非常高的重要性等级。大赞!而career path则是显示出作者的阅读量很好,做了一个很好的用词准确的范例。然后最后的intelligence development of children则是与career path

并列,显得逻辑性非常的顺畅。但是平庸范例再一次尽显自己词汇量贫乏的特点,working development 令人不知所云,help their brain也是写的非常的模糊,到底怎样帮助大脑,让人一头雾水。至于在逻辑性则体现在These subjects的These本身起到的作用就是对于前文的courses和physics, mathematics and English进行了呼应,告诉每一位读者,我还是在说课程这件事情。

第四句,优秀范例短小精悍What‘s more, teachers would also make impact on student‘s mental health.对比平庸范例Besides, teachers may have a lot of influence in students‘ thinking health.显然句子开头的What‘s more就是在告诉所有人,我在这句话是对于上面一句话的进一步阐述。而且优秀范例的would也很准确,即表示出教师的责任,同时也体现出教师的一种期望,就是要影响学生。而且优秀范例的make impact on相比于平庸范例的a lot of influence也更为准确和书面!很显然什么叫做a lot of influence一堆影响?真的是很少见到英语里会这么说,完全是生硬的自创性翻译。最后的对比就更为明显了,平庸范例的thinking health对比优秀范例的mental health,显然就是平庸范例的作者阅读量太贫乏,根本就不知道在英语里怎样表示―精神健康‖,因此情急之下,就写出了thinking health―思考健康‖这样的表达。

第五句,优秀范例要举例了!开头的For example就是直接跟前一句关联起来,告诉读者,我在这句话要对前一句话进行举例了!For example, they need to provide guidance and mental caring especially when students are facing with obstacles and difficulties in their lives.平庸范例写的是For example, they would give guide and thinking care, especially when students meet obstruction and difficulty.在这里显然优秀范例的作者示范擅长于动词的名词化,因此写出了provide guidance and mental caring这样的表达方式,否则很有可能就写guide sb这样的表达方式了。而且为了追求表达方式的多样化和准确性,没有再用mental health,而是用了mental caring。至于最后的obstacles and difficulties就是词汇量丰富使然了。

当当当~~~~最后一句,优秀范例To some extent, increasing in the compensation of educators would make them more committed as well as focused on the main task of their teaching thus increasing the quality of education.对比平庸范例In some extent, increasing compensation will make them more focusing, and more focus on their main job that is teaching, and will increase the teaching quality.又是一开头,就亮出逻辑To some extent(在某种程度上),表明本句话,是对于前面一句话进行进一步解释。而且educators 也是紧扣前面的teacher和student,逻辑连贯性非常好!increasing in the compensation of educators又是尽显作者的名词化的本领,因为很多时候,名词化既代表着书面化,也就是好!而且接下来的more committed也显示出作者词汇量丰厚。而且作者还用了as well as 来表示并列,而不是用传统的and,也是阅读量丰厚使然。而且在最后还用了main task一个main就有显示出内容的层次很丰富,因为这是最主要的任务。

针对很多小伙伴不知道如何提升自己作文的逻辑性,无老师在本文特地加入了对于逻辑性的讲解,希望能对更多的小伙伴有所帮助。

无老师iBT新托福作文巨讲堂(2014年03月号)

来源: 本站浏览: 我要评论(6条)字号: 大中小

无老师优秀范例:First and foremost, the headache of traffic jam is the primary reason for the potential decrease in ownership of cars. In the past decade, the city, whether in developing or developed countries, had witnessed a booming economy, a flourishing civilization, and unfortunately, a ballooning traffic jam. Almost all city dwellers are bothered more or less by traffic jams, which kept them away from being a punctual worker, a punctual date, or a punctual friend. Consider how many people are scolded by their bosses, dumped by their dates, or criticized by their friends, simply because of being late. And why were we late? None of us intended to be a late bird, not to mention plotting it. More often than not, it is the traffic to blame. And what will happen if the victims of traffic jams are hurt again and again? They stop driving cars, or advising their sons to take buses or railways instead of cars. Indeed, this tendency agrees with a principle of economics: when there is excessive supply—that is, more cars than the road can take-there will be a decrease in this supply. Therefore, the result of traffic jam is a gradual decrease in car ownership.

无老师优秀中文翻译:首先,塞车的困扰已经成为人们买车的潜在担忧的主要原因。在过去的10年之中,不管是发展中国家还是发达国家的城市,都已经目睹了蓬勃的经济,繁荣的文化,当然,很不幸的是还有爆发的交通堵塞。几乎所有城市的居民都或多或少受到了塞车的困扰,使得他们上班,约会和会友很难准时。想一想如此多的人被自己的老板苛责,被恋人抛弃,被朋友批评,只是因为迟到。但是,我们为什么会迟到呢?没有人会想成为晚起鸟,更不要说有意为之。大多数情况下,都是因为堵车,尤其是当交通拥堵的受害者一次又一次受到伤害之后,到底会发生什么呢?他们就不会再开车了,或者会直接告诫他们的孩子去乘公交或者地铁,而不是开车(出行)。确实,这样的趋势与经济原理是一致的:当供给过度——也就是,汽车比道路更多——供给就会减少。因此,交通拥堵的结果就是买车的人逐渐减少。

无老师平庸范例:First of all, the traffic jam is the first reason to stop people when they want to buy a car. In the past ten years, all the developing countries‘ and developed countries‘ cities have seen great economy, good culture. Of course, unfortunately we also have big traffic jams. Almost all the cities‘ people have problems in the big traffic jams, make them hard to get to the work, date, and the friend party on time. We should think about that so many people were criticized by their bosses,

disliked by their girlfriends, hated by their friends, just because of the traffic jams. But why will we be late? Nobody wants to be late, but also does not plan it. In most cases, that all comes from traffic jams, especially when they were hurt by the traffic jams again and again, what will happen? They would not drive a car again, or they may directly tell their sons to take a bus or take the subway, but not to drive a car. Indeed, this tendency is the same with the economy tendency: when we give more supply–that is, the cars is more than the road—the supply will be decreased. So, the traffic jams will make less people to buy cars.

其实当我们看优秀作文看得越多,我们就越会发现,其实托福考试的标准是一个成体系的完整的闭环,当你某一个点特别优秀,就像是雨人出现的时候,你有可能会取得很好的成绩。与此同时你如果仅仅作为一个优秀的平凡人,积极地去迎合托福考试的标准的时候,也可以取得很好的成绩,当然,大多数情况下取得高分的人,其实也没有摸清托福考试的标准,而只是误打误撞的自己的风格,恰好符合了托福考试的口味而取得很好的成绩。

今天这篇作文,就很好的诠释了这一点,在本片作文之中,作者并没有用很多很夸张的句式,而是用一种接近于演讲的,相对随意的句式结构告诉我们,只要写的很地道,那么就恢复和托福考试的口味,在本段文章中小伙伴们尤其要注意作者的句式结构和风骚的用词,很有味道!

首先第一句,优秀范例First and foremost, the headache of traffic jam is the primary reason for the potential decrease in ownership of cars.对比平庸范例First of all, the traffic jam is the first reason to stop people when they want to buy a car.小伙伴们就会发现,平庸范例用词的贫乏。在表示―问题‖的时候,优秀范例灵活的用到了headache这个词,+1分!然后primary reason其实只能算是正常水平,但是其实优秀范例最亮眼的就是for the potential decrease在这里首先优秀范例没有用很常见的of,而使用了for,,当然更重要的是风骚的用到了potential这个词,来表明未来的趋势,十分的惊艳!然后坐着又是于无声处听惊雷,使出了in ownership of cars,而不是像平庸范例很臃肿的写出when they want to buy a car,平庸范例7个词才讲清楚的事情,我3个词就写清楚了,而且还没有用到麻烦的从句来影响理解,功力深厚!

第二句,优秀范例In the past decade, the city, whether in developing or developed countries, had witnessed a booming economy, a flourishing civilization, and unfortunately, a ballooning traffic jam.对比平庸范例In the past ten years, all the developing countries‘ and developed countries‘ cities have seen great economy, good culture.我们发现优秀范例简直就是一个单词的秀场!一大波一大波的词汇扑面而来!首先是decade,然后是witness,booming,flourishing,civilization,最后是ballooning。词汇量好,而且还用的准确,是王道啊!不仅如此,优秀范例竟然还能增加句式的灵活性,使出whether in developing or developed countries,这几乎就是万能的啊,可以用在任何作文之中。作者,你是怎么做到的?平庸范例的用词啊!挖一个坑自己把自己埋了吧!

第三句,沿承上一句的风格,优秀范例Almost all city dwellers are bothered more or less by traffic jams, which kept them away from being a punctual worker, a punctual date, or a punctual friend.平庸范例Of course, unfortunately we also have big traffic jams. Almost all the cities‘ peopl e have problems in the big traffic jams, make them hard to get to the work, date, and the friend party on time.哎呀妈呀!平庸范例再埋自己一次吧!看你的用词啊,驴唇不对马嘴!get to the work, date, and the friend party这一串你想表达的到底是什么意思啊!回头来看优秀范例,又是一串亮词city dweller,bothered,然后用more or less进行限定,接下来又马上给出keep away from的固定搭配,最后再用一连串的punctual来告诉每一名小伙伴,多背单词吧!快!快拿小本记下来!

第四句,优秀范例Consider how many people are scolded by their bosses, dumped by their dates, or criticized by their friends, simply because of being late.对比平庸范例We should think about that so many people were criticized by their bosses, disliked by their girlfriends, hated by their friends, just because of the traffic jams.是的,作者就像一个风情万种的凤凰一样,无尽的挥洒着自己的羽毛(单词量)are scolded by,dumped by,criticized by,同样是表示―批评‖这个意思,竟然用了3种不同的表达方式,而且里面有2个我们还要去查词典!我们要去查词典,而人家已能够游刃有余的运用,这是多大的差距啊。差距有多大,对比平庸范例的criticized by,disliked by和hated by所体现出来的情感上的差别之大,我们就能体会到自己真的是差得很远。因为criticized by是批评,这个就情感上来说,只能是觉得你不对,但是不会上升到家国恨的程度,而最后的hated by就有憎恨的意思了,这个意思就差得很远了。你的朋友怎么会恨你呢,你说是不,这就是用词不当,这里的用词不当就类似于说一个人很高兴,用了―含笑九泉‖是一样的。最后,优秀范例又用simply because of being late,请注意这里也仅仅使用了一个because of这样一个固定搭配,而没有兴师动众的用从句。纵观本篇文章,我们就会发现作者其实没有用多少从句,句子本身的伸展靠的都是意思本身的推动,很有我们看TPO阅读的感觉。能简单就简单,能不用从句,就不用从句,让每一个单词所表达的意思最大化,向充满的热气球那么大!而我们做的更多是把一堆干别的热气球堆在一起,然后幻想着他们飞起来的样子。

下一句And why were we late?就不用比较了吧,没太多可说的。

第六句和第七句其实是一个整体。优秀范例None of us intended to be a late bird, not to mention plotting it. More often than not, it is the traffic to blame.平庸范例就要断开句子了Nobody wants to be late, but also does not plan it. In most cases, that all comes from traffic jams,首先None of us会让我们惊叫一声,对啊!Nobody还可以这么说,之后的intended to be其实是每个人都能想到的,但是接下来的a late bird则是让我们下巴掉到了地上!怎么可能作者竟然从早起鸟推出了一个a late bird,怎么想到的?真是天马行空啊!快快跪拜一下!然后把Nobody wants to be late, but also does not plan it.这句话抄在小本子上。接下来的not to mention已经够惊艳了!其后的plot就让我们气呼呼的又去查了一下词典,原来这个单词还有―意图,谋划‖的意思!你牛!下一句More often than not快点拿本子记下来,―在大多数情况下‖的意思,最后it is the XXX to blame,在记下来,作者已经脱离了中文的束缚,可以在英文的海洋里傲游了。再次跪拜!平庸范例呢?刨坑吧。

第八句和第九句,相对中庸,优秀范例And what will happen if the victims of traffic jams are hurt again and again? They stop driving cars, or advising their sons to take buses or railways instead of cars.对比平庸范例especially when they were hurt by the traffic jams again and again, what will happen? They would not drive a car again, or they may directly tell their sons to take a bus or take the subway, but not to drive a car.作者只是小秀了一下词汇量victims,但是细一想又不对,其实我们平时经常会写because of the problem of XXXXXX来表达的内容,作者竟然一个victims就表达清楚了,真是让我等汗颜!其后的advising和instead of只能算是正常发挥。

最后两句,真的是完全达到了TPO的水平,优秀范例Indeed, this tendency agrees with a principle of economics: when there is excessive supply—that is, more cars than the road can take-there will be a decrease in this supply. Therefore, the result of traffic jam is a gradual decrease in car ownership.平庸范例Indeed, this tendency is the same with the economy tendency: when we give more supply–that is, the cars is more than the road—the supply will be decreased. So, the traffic jams will make less people to buy cars.首先就是用agrees with表达―与XXX一致‖这让人很惊艳!完全没想过还能这么用,小伙伴们是不是看了平庸范例的is the same with才明白原作者的意思。接下来a principle of只能算是水到渠成,但是作者能用出principle这个词,也已经很强大了。接下来excessive supply,又是两个词又是表达出了平庸范例give more supply3个词才表达的意思,而且平庸范例的3个词其实是表意不清的,就是缺少一个被比较方,到底比谁多,没有说。因此优秀范例的excessive完胜!

接下来作者灵动的句式—that is, more cars than the road can take-再次让人刮目相看!我们根本写不出来,甚至读懂都有困难!作者的领先优势大的太夸张了!然后作者又把decrease这个常见的动词,用了他的名词词性,写出了a decrease in再次显示出自己的功力。最后作者用the result of,而没有用because,保证了句子的简洁性,用gradual显示出接下来的趋势,以及最后用了完全的名词性in car ownership,表达出了平庸范例里面,只有动用动词才表达出的buy cars。一句话里3个亮点,岂有不满分的可能!

高山仰止,指的就是这样的作文!膜拜吧!满分作文!

无老师iBT新托福作文巨讲堂(2014年04月号)

来源: 本站浏览: 我要评论(1条)字号: 大中小

无老师优秀范例:Another reason for the decrease in cars, as far as I am concerned, is the improvement in its alternatives. In order to solve the traffic problem, government had implemented a gamut of proposals in the improving conditions of buses, subways, and railways. Take the subway for example. People are encouraged to take subway because of its reasonable price, its better environment, and, more importantly, its punctuality. As more and more people are choosing subways over cars, it is evident that in 20 years, there will be fewer cars on the street.

无老师优秀翻译:小汽车减少的另外一个原因,在我看来,是他的替代品的改善。为了解决交通问题,政府已经提出了很多建议在改善公交、地铁、以及高速公路的条件上。以地铁举例,人们被鼓励去乘地铁,因为它合理的价格,更好的环境,以及更重要的是它的准时。随着越来越多的人选择地铁而不是私家车,很明显再接下来20年马路上的小汽车将会减少。

无老师平庸范例:The reason why cars will decrease for me is the improvement of their alternatives. Because they want to solve the traffic problem, the government have many suggestions about improving the bus, subway, and the railways. For example, people are encouraged to take subway, because it‘s good price, better environment, and more important at it‘s on time. With more and more people taking subway not the cars, it is obvious that there will be less cars on the road.

闲时重读《围城》,会发现这本书好像穿越了时代。几十年前的事情,好像发生在今天一样,只是细读之时,又发现于今日不同,但今天却也能看懂。下面这段就是,

鸿渐又惊又笑,想这是从古已然的道理,沈太太不该到现在出席了妇女大会才学会–‖从前男性所做的职业,国会议员、律师、报馆记者、飞机师等等,女性都会做

想一想这段话如果这么说:

鸿渐又惊又笑,【想一想就知道击败前就已经是这样了】,沈太太不该到现在出席了妇女大会才【明白的】–‖从前男性所做的职业,国会议员、律师、【报社记者】、【飞行员】等等,女性都会做

是不是这样改过之后,小伙伴们就感觉,跟现在的说话方式比较相似了。

这其实就是遣词造句上的变化,而给人带来的感觉上的不同,同时这也就是我们对自己的作文应该注意到的点,也就是我们应该选用怎样的词句进入我们的作文,只有在这个层面把握好了,我们才能在托福考试当中拿到高分。

今天这段作文就是这样,初读起来感觉不明显,但是与平庸范例比较起来,才发现原来我们平时写的都是平庸范例,而优秀作文原来是要这么写才好。

首先第一句,优秀范例Another reason for the decrease in cars, as far as I am concerned, is the improvement in its alternatives.对比平庸范例The reason why cars will decrease for me is the improvement of their alternatives.在本句话之中,显然优秀范例的another显示出了与前面一段内容的承接,起到了逻辑连接的作用,但是在平庸范例就没有做到这一点,而且优秀范例还用到了for the decrease将这个常见的动词给名词化,显示出本文的书面化,接下来又是用, as far as I am concerned,将句子断开,是的句子不会读起来很长,很累,加一分!而且其实最难得的是优秀范例想到了alternatives 这个词,特指一对一的替换,用词非常准确。

第二句,优秀范例In order to solve the traffic problem, government had implemented a gamut of proposals in the improving conditions of buses, subways, and railways.对比平庸范例Because they want to solve the traffic problem, the government have many suggestions about improving the bus, subway, and the railways.首先solve the,这一个the就特指前面提到的交通问题,起到了承上启下的作用。在这里平庸范例总是在用Because,真的是让人看腻了,前前后后总是不换词,就好像好久不洗的袜子,虽然总还是袜子,但是不免令人生厌。不像是优秀范例In order to改变了句式,而且还很好的引出后半句话,治愈后半句话,句式上并无亮点,只是作者疯狂的秀自己的单词量implement、a gamut of、proposal,而且还想到了improving conditions来搭配buses, subways, and railways,这是我们自己写的时候,总是想不到的。

第三句,优秀范例Take the subway for example. People are encouraged to take subway because of its reasonable price, its better environment, and, more importantly, its punctuality.,对比平庸范例For example, people are encouraged to take subway, because it‘s good price, better environment, and more important at it‘s on time.跟上一句话一样,优秀范例的作者再次用特指the subway,这里的the指前一句出现的内容,英文作文就是要这样,句与句之间,一定要环环相扣,否则就是让人一头雾水,看不懂里面的逻辑。

其实在这里的平庸范例,无老师故意又卖了一个乖,继续用because,而优秀范例很简单的用了because of+名词结构,使得句子结构简化,看起来也不会很累。至于这里的its reasonable price和more importantly, its punctuality,就是优秀范例的作者再次掉书袋了。^_^平庸范例的on time也不是说不好,但是人家有准确的一个词punctuality,你这里再用口语化的on time,就显得不够好了。

第四句,优秀范例As more and more people are choosing subways over cars, it is evident that in 20 years, there will be fewer cars on the street.对比平庸范例With more and more people taking subway not the cars, it is obvious that there will be less cars on the road.

显然本句话,又是围绕着subways展开的。这里优秀范例的优点是在于一个小over完爆了not the,简洁取胜。然后优秀范例一个it is evident that增加了局势的多样性,平庸范例在这里做的只能是模仿罢了。

平庸范例,你就追吧,我已经跑远了!^_^

无老师iBT新托福作文巨讲堂(2014年05月号)

来源: 本站浏览: 我要评论(1条)字号: 大中小

无老师优秀范例:Without a doubt, environment matters. A clean and beautiful environment concerns the health of everybody—the working men and women, children, our bright future, and the elderly. Atmosphere full of dust and toxic gas will lead to lung disease; water without careful disinfection will lead to bacteria disease; food grew in poisoned soil or suffered from excess pesticide will lead to all kinds of diseases to people‘s organisms and eventually, destroys them. Environment is one of the major factors to one‘s health or, survival. Government must pay 100% attention to it otherwise one day the country can no longer develop because their people die out. It is responsible for its citizens‘ health and happiness, two essential parts of life that environment both play important roles in, so they must take action. To protect the environment is to protect the country‘s brighter future.

无老师优秀翻译:毫无疑问,环境影响很大。一个清洁和美丽的环境关系到每一个人的健康——(包括)工人,孩子,也就是我们未来的主人翁,以及老人。一个满是灰尘和有毒气体的环境,将会导致肺病;没有灭菌的水将会导致(细菌)疾病;生长在有毒土壤和过量杀虫剂里面的食物将会是人类的器官染上各种各样的疾病,并且最终(使器官)坏死。环境是我们的健康和生存的一个重要因素。政府必须密切关注环境问题,否则有一天,我们的国家的发展将会停滞,因为人民已经消失。(环境)它要对人民的健康和幸福负责,(而健康和幸福)是生活的两个必要的组成部分,环境对于他们两者都起到了很重要的作用,所以我们必须采取行动。保护环境,就是保护我们国家的未来。、

无老师平庸范例:No doubt that the environment is very important! A clean and beautiful environment is connected to anyone‘s health- workers, children, who are our future, and elders. The environment that is full of dust and poisonous gas will lead to lung disease; the infected water will lead to bacteria disease; the food which grows in the poisonous soil and too many pesticides will lead to many diseases in hu mans‘ organisms, at the end the organisms will die. The environment is very important to our health and life. The government should notice it, or one day, our country will stop, because our people have died. The environment should be responsible for people‘s health and happiness, and they are two important parts of our life, and the environment is important to both of them, so we must take actions. Protecting the environment is protecting our future.

从腐朽化神奇,再从神奇化腐朽。今天的作文巨讲堂就是这种感觉吧,优秀范例没感觉有什么特别吸引人的,但是当我们一看平庸范例的时候,就发现原来我们写的跟平庸范例很相似哦!而且更有趣的是,平庸范例和我们的作文都好差哦!比较才产生美吗,你说是不,伯虎?

第一句,优秀范例就是生在自己的简洁!能用一个词说明白,绝对不用两个词,就像李小龙一样,干净利落!优秀范例Without a doubt, environment matters.对比平庸范例No doubt that the environment is very important!优秀范例的一个matters一次性就将平庸范例的is very important挑落马下!

第二句的优点,则是写得很地道!优秀范例A clean and beautiful environment concerns the health of everybody—the working men and women, children, our bright future, and the elderly.对比平庸范例A clean and beautiful environment is connected to anyone‘s health- workers, children, who are our future, and elders.显然优秀范例里面的一个concern就像上一句的matter一样,轻松挑落平庸范例的is connected to。而且小伙伴们要注意到,优秀范例里面的逻辑思路也是极为地道的!前一句的matter,这一句的concern,后面的suffered from和survival,无不是这个特征的典型代表!这只有像无老师私塾里面的小伙伴们一样,有很多的原版书来读,才能解决这个问题!私塾的小伙伴们,一定要养成抓私塾图书馆里面的原版书来读的好习惯哦!

接下来优秀范例写出的working men and women其实质酸还好,但是后面的children, our bright future一个同位语,用our bright future来解释children,很漂亮!至于最后的the elderly就是水到渠成了。但是能想到用破折号来对与前面的everybody来进行补出,这个是非常大的亮点!使得句子的内涵和外延体现得很充分,不是例子,胜似例子!

第三句话厉害了!优秀范例Atmosphere full of dust and toxic gas will lead to lung disease; water without careful disinfection will lead to bacteria disease; food grew in poisoned soil or suffered from excess pesticide will lead to all kinds of diseases to people‘s organisms and eventually, destroys them.对比平庸范例The environment that is full of dust and poisonous gas will lead to lung disease; the infected water will lead to bacteria disease; the food which grows in the poisonous soil and too many pesticides will lead to many diseases in humans‘ organisms, at the end the organisms will die.优秀范例太强大了!很少见的定语后置都出现了!想一想,我们经常写的很有可能是用have或者with 来表示atmosphere里面有什么,但是优秀范例竟然能想到把full of dust and toxic gas这个定语放在Atmosphere后面,这个太强大了!因为这完全不符合中文的语序,能想到实在太难了!然后当说到生病的时候,作者直接用了lead to,想一想,我们经常很有可能写的是have diseases,这种因果逻辑式的思维方式,是英文区别与中文的最大的特征,把握住这点,其实托福作文就已经小成了。接下来的water without careful disinfection只能感叹作者的单词量够好,而且想法够细腻!而且一个很有趣的点是作者的词汇量也不是那么丰富,但是他能把已有的词汇进行很好地整合,这里的例子就是lung disease和bacteria disease,其实作者都不会专业名词,因此就用这样的小把戏躲过去了,无伤大雅。

接下来的后置定语grew in poisoned soil or suffered from excess pesticide两个后置定语并列,已经进入长难句级别了,很强大,而且作者在这里为了显示自己驾驭词汇的能力,还特意用了两个动词grew、suffered,然后配以poisoned soil和excess pesticide,就充分显示出自己的词汇量的还不错了,不是很强大,但是还不错。而且作者细腻的思路,还想到了organisms以及最后的eventually, destroys 这个就很厉害了,因为很多人之所以写不出优秀的作文,就是因为想不到这一层,而本文的作者不仅能想到,而且还能写出来,简直就是双剑合璧谁与争锋!

接下来2句话,优秀范例Environment is one of the major factors to one‘s health or, survival. Government must pay 100% attention to it otherwise one day the country can no longer develop because their people die out.对比平庸范例The environment is very important to our health and life. The government should notice it, or one day, our country will stop, because our people have died.首先优秀范例能想到这个用法factors to,这个就很难得了,更难得的是作者已经突破了中文的限制,用好了survival这个词,这是非常难得的!这个词在词典里的意思是―幸存‖的意思,但是实际上英文中的意思,更像是―挣扎的活下来,历尽苦难活下来‖有穷人好不容易活下来的一层意思,但是―幸存‖就只剩下劫后余生的意思了,因此这里的survival用的很好!至于下一句话,亮点不多,只是最后的die out,有点夸张而已。

最后两句话,优秀范例It is responsible for its citizens‘ health and happiness, two essential parts of life that environment both play important roles in, so they must take action. To protect the environment is to protect the coun try‘s brighter future.对比平庸范例The environment should be responsible for people‘s health and happiness, and they are two important parts of our life, and the environment is important to both of them, so we must take actions. Protecting the environment is protecting our future.第一句话,亮点颇多相比于平庸范例的people指的很泛泛,不够明确,优秀范例的citizens就指向市民,公民这个特征,指向很明确。接下来的同位语two essential parts of life,本身词汇上没有亮点,但是亮点在作者的思路指出了health and happiness对人本身的作用,这很难得,这才有接下来的play important roles in这个固定搭配的出现,否则这个固定搭配就没了。最后一句的To protect the environment看似没有亮点,但是对比平庸范例的的很僵硬的,又用doing+宾语的方式来做主语,就显得To protect the environment这种方式的少见了。而且作者最后又提出了brighter future,呼应了前面写到的children, our bright future就是一大亮点了!前后呼应,高!实在是高!

无老师iBT新托福作文巨讲堂(2014年06月号)

来源: 本站浏览: 我要评论(1条)字号: 大中小

无老师优秀范例:However, the notion that ―advertisement always make us disappointed‖ sometimes results from consumers‘ unrealistic expectation of products. Advertising easily makes people to imagine ―perfect‖ products which are not realistic at all, but consumers would rather keep this unreasonable hope. Then they would be inevitably disappointed by the actual products which cannot be so perfect, and attribute the cause to advertising. But it is actually the unrealistic expectation that eclipses any product, because a perfect image is absolutely subjective and could not even be realized. For example, I once signed up for a group tour to Lantao Island in Hong Kong, being attracted by the beautiful landscape pictures posted in the advertisements. But later on in the journey I was disappointed because actual scenery was never as attractive as what I had expected. Therefore, an unrealistic expectation is to be avoided in making any buying decision.

无老师优秀翻译:但是,这样一个说法―广告总是令我们失望‖,有时是因为消费者,对于产品不切实际的想象。广告很容易使人去想象一个完美的产品,(但)这根本就不存在,但是消费者宁可去坚守这个不切实际的期望。接下来,他们不可避免的失望,因为这些真实的产品不可能那么完美,并且将错都算到广告的头上。但是实际上不切实际的幻想会吞噬掉任何一个产品,因为一个完美的想象是绝对主观的,甚至是很难意识到的。例如,我曾经参加一个旅行团去香港的大屿山,就是完全被广告里面美丽的景色吸引了。但是接下来,这个旅程让我失望了,因为实际的景色完全不像我想象的那样。因此,不切实际的想象应该在买东西的时候尽量避免。

无老师平庸范例:But the statement that advertisement always makes us disappointed, sometimes because customers‘ unreal think ing. Advertisement are easily making us think a perfect product, but it does not exist, but customers still want to insist the unreal thinking. Then, they will be disappointed, because the real product would be not perfect, and they will blame the advertisement. But in fact, the unreal thinking will kill any product, because a perfect thinking is absolutely subjective, and even could not be noticed. For example, I joined a group tour to the dayushan, because I was completely attracted by the photo in the advertisement. But then this group tour let me disappointed, because the real view is not as my thinking. So, when we want to buy something, we should avoid the unreal thinking.

在今天的平庸范例里面,无老师又故意加入了几个小伙伴们常犯的错误,你看出来了么?

实话实说,本篇满分作文很多的表达方法非常的地道!比如eclipse,Lantao Island,landscape,tour,这些小词用的好到位的说!

首先看第一句,优秀范例However, the notion that ―advertisement always make us disappointed‖ sometimes results from consumers‘ unrealistic expectation of products.对比平庸范例But the statement that advertisement always makes us disappointe d, sometimes because customers‘ unreal

thinking. 首先优秀范例用notion引导了一个同位语‖advertisement always make us disappointed‖,这在国内的考生之中运用得比较少,直接增加了句式的多样性,接下来的results from就是大亮点了!对比一下本身就有语法错误的平庸范例你就能发现,国内的小伙伴往往只会僵化的使用because来表示因果联系,但是在书面语之中这种用谓语动词,来表示因果逻辑连接的比比皆是!因此虽然只是一个简单的固定搭配,但是其实是大亮点!接下来的unrealistic expectation虽然不是特别漂亮,但是用词准确,对比平庸范例的unreal thinking甩出N条街。而且在这里特别提一下的是,平庸范例有两处错误,第一是the statement没有谓语,第二是because应该引导一句话,但是在这里仅仅是一个名词性结构,因此应该改用because of。这都是中国考生极为常见的错误!因为我们写作文的时候,经常是简单的做中译英,而不去思考英文之中的语法是否正确。

第二句,优秀范例Advertis ing easily makes people to imagine ―perfect‖ products which are not realistic at all, but consumers would rather keep this unreasonable hope.对比平庸范例Advertisement are easily making us think a perfect product, but it does not exist, but customers still want to insist the unreal thinking. 这里优秀范例用了一个小词imagine,虽然很简单,但是比起平庸范例的think,准确很多!接下来没有像平庸范例那么复杂, but it does not exist,而是直接一个定语从句which are not realistic at all,是的句子的连贯性很好,而且用一个at all来表示程度,锦上添花!接下来的优秀范例用出了would rather―宁可‖这样一个固定搭配,加分!接下来又是一个固定搭配―keep one‘s hope‖加分!而且作者还充分意识到了用词需要多样性因此前面用到了realistic之后,这里特地选用一个unreasonable!再加分!

第三句,优秀范例Then they would be inevitably disappointed by the actual products which cannot be so perfect, and attribute the cause to advertising.对比平庸范例Then, they will be disappointed, because the real product would be not perfect, and they will blame the advertisement.其实看这句话的时候,我们就会发现,优秀范例也有平淡的时候,很显然,本句话的句式就与前一句话差别不大。但使用词还是很好的,inevitably和actual products还是用的满准确地,不过接下来,亮点还是出现了attribute……. To这样一个固定搭配用的很好!而且没有落俗套的用reason,而是用了the cause,很赞!本句话平庸范例不算很差,而且blame用的还不错,(*^__^*) 嘻嘻……。

第四句,优秀范例But it is actually the unrealistic expectation that eclipses any product, because a perfect image is absolutely subjective and could not even be realized.对比平庸范例But in fact, the unreal thinking will kill any product, because a perfect thinking is absolutely subjective, and even could not be noticed.看到这里,我们就可以发现平庸范例的单调了,做一个but,有一个but,做一个because,有一个because,完全没有新意,不给你低分才怪!这里优秀范例的it is actually 其实是对the unrealistic expectation有一个强调的感觉的,这个用得很妙!接下来又用了eclipse这个词,加分很多!小伙伴们可以好好查一下这个词,多背几个例句,好好体会一下!这里平庸范例,就没有体会好eclipse这个词的感觉。下面优秀范例的absolutely subjective在巨石上来说只能算是一般,但是从作

者的角度,能想到‖主观―这个层面,这是很难的,可以说不管是中文还是英文,都还想得蛮深刻的,加分!而且还能进行递进and could not even这个用的很好!不过接下来realize到底想表达的是―实现‖,还是―意识到‖,这个就见仁见智了,估计只有原作者才能说清楚。

第五句,优秀范例小亮点是一个接一个!优秀范例For example, I once signed up for a group tour to Lantao Island in Hong Kong, being attracted by the beautiful landscape pictures posted in the advertisements.PK平庸范例For example, I joined a group tour to the dayushan, because I was completely attracted by the photo in the advertisement.这里优秀范例的signed up、tour、Lantao Island、landscape、posted几个词用的都非常棒!关键是美国人就是这么用的!不像是我们中译英翻译过来的很多词,美国人其实都不用!signed up(报名)参加……,而不像join就是进入了一个群体,怎么进

入的,不清楚。Tour,你在美国出去玩一日游,用的就是tour,Lantao Island香港的大屿山,而不是

像平庸范例那样用拼音,landscape表示景色,风景,暗示给人一种愉悦的感觉。Post就是张贴的感觉,这一串的小词都用的极为准确!而且优秀范例还用了being attracted by来增加句式的多样性,让人眼前不禁一亮!反观平庸范例的because,真让人昏昏欲睡!后面的photo也跟优秀范例的beautiful landscape pictures posted没法比!优秀范例就是超模!photo就是路人丙的感觉。

倒数第二句,优秀范例But later on in the journey I was disappointed because actual scenery was never as attractive as what I had expected.对比平庸范例But then this group tour let me disappointed, because the real view is not as my thinking.优秀范例的later on并不亮眼,但是平庸范例继续又用then 之后,我们发现优秀范例,有意的在换用不同的词!加分!其后优秀范例actual scenery又是秀了一把自己的单词量!赞~\(≧▽≦)/~!而且最后的what I had expected写的也很赞,看你是看不出来的,这么写你就懂了what I had expected to see。看到这里你就发现其实优秀范例的what I had expected就已经写出了所有的意思,这里的to see就是画蛇添足了,在这里,简洁就是美!

最后一句,优秀范例Therefore, an unrealistic expectation is to be avoided in making any buying decision.对比平庸范例So, when we want to buy something, we should avoid the unreal thinking.在这里看到平庸范例之后,就发现我们写的这么麻烦的从句when we want to其实在优秀范例里简单的in making any就写出来了,我们写的真实太笨重了,而且优秀范例的an unrealistic expectation用词非

常准确!点个赞!最后,优秀范例的is to be avoided其实写的很简洁,要知道,我们很容易写出we should not……,但是这里被优秀范例一个词avoid就全表达出来了!这就是优秀范例为什么好!一个字顶你

一万个字!能不好么!

作文巨讲堂就是这么牛!看不懂作文巨讲堂,就不要想拿托福作文的高分了!因为这就是满分作文的标准!

无老师iBT新托福作文巨讲堂(2014年07月号)

来源: 本站浏览: 我要评论(2条)字号: 大中小

无老师优秀范例:With the rapid development in internet, computer and other technologies, people have more and more options for their career path as well as working locations since these developments shorten the distance between different people and companies. Therefore, there is universal awareness that working at home with accompany of computer and telephones is better than working in a normal office. However, in my opinion, such statement cannot afford further analysis for the following reasons.

无老师优秀翻译:随着互联网的高速发展,电脑和其他的科技,人们对于职业的发展和工作地点的选择有了更多的选择,因为这些发展缩短了人和人、以及公司之间的距离。因此,很多人都有这样的想法,就是在家工作,在有电脑和电话的陪伴下,比在正常的办公室工作要更好。但是,在我看来,这样的想法其实经不住进一步的推敲,因为如下的原因。

无老师平庸范例:With the development of the internet, computer and other technology, people have more options about the job development and work place, because these development decrease the distance between people and people, and between a company and another company. So many people believe that working at home with the computer and the telephone is better than working at the office. But, in my opinion, these ideas could not afford thinking, because of the following reasons.

无老师精析:在互联网里有一句话,叫做―创意不值钱,执行才值钱。一流的创意加三流的执行,就是个垃圾。三流的创意+一流的执行就是优秀产品‖本篇优秀范例和平庸范例就是一个很好的注解,仅就内容来说,可以说平淡无奇,但是由于作者很好的调用了各种优秀的表达,使得本篇作文最终接近满分。

第一句,优秀范例With the rapid development in internet, computer and other technologies, people have more and more options for their career path as well as working locations since these developments shorten the distance between different people and companies.对比平庸范例With the development of the internet, computer and other technology, people have more options about the job development and work place, because these development decrease the distance between people and people, and between a company and another company.其实一开始的With the rapid development in internet, computer and other technologies并没有很大的差别,但是必须承认的是,作者跳出了很多模板里所写的With the rapid development in internet,又写出了computer and other technologies,这算是一种突破!

其实优秀范例的people have more and more options for their career path as well as working locations since these developments shorten the distance between different people and companies.特别出彩!一看就想让人给高分!首先more and more接的是options,我们平时总接people,这里options 就是一个突破。后面的career path和working locations写的地道!加分!后面的shorten the distance 看似平淡无奇,但是在对比平庸范例的decrease the distance就发现,decrease配distance其实是中式表达。以及最后的between different people and companies.也是没什么,但是对比平庸范例的between people and people, and between a company and another company.就会发现原来我们平时像平庸范例一样写的这么啰嗦。

第二句,优秀范例Therefore, there is universal awareness that working at home with accompany of computer and telephones is better than working in a normal office.对比平庸范例So many people believe that working at home with the computer and the telephone is better than working at the office.我们会惊讶的发现,原来many people believe还可以写为there is universal awareness,加分!有趣!快找个小本记下来!其后with accompany of我们自己写的话,经常也就写个with the help of,没这个表达方法好,记下来!

最后一句,优秀范例However, in my opinion, such statement cannot afford further analysis for the following reasons.对比平庸范例But, in my opinion, these ideas could not afford thinking, because of the following reasons.这里优秀范例的such statement虽然很不起眼,但是其实很好,因为一个such 直接就是对前文的指代,一下就使得两句话的逻辑连接了起来,解决了中文缺少语义连接词的问题,写得特别好!虽然很不起眼。当然,最大的亮点还是在afford further analysis,表示―经不住进一步的推敲‖,写的地道!让人忍不住击节叫好!直接可以用在我们的作文纸中表示反对观点,粗暴的加分!这种酸爽的感觉,挡都挡不住!至于平庸范例的could not afford thinking,东施效颦,让人不忍直视!

无老师iBT新托福作文巨讲堂(2014年08月号)

来源: 本站浏览: 我要评论(7条)字号: 大中小

无老师优秀范例:As for the job-effected people, job is not only a work to support themselves, but a way we use to bring us a stronger sense of accomplishment and achievement. Happy and fulfilled as we are when we deliver outstanding performance at work. Meanwhile, when we thrive at work, we may earn high salary with which we can give our loved ones a better quality of life. Seeing the smiles on their faces, it will bring considerable joy to us either. Yet there is still one thing that can make us

托福写作-翻译句子练习

中文: 1. 旅游业不但给政府带来税收而且给很多人提供了就业机会。 2. 赌博不但对健康有害,而且会影响家庭和睦。 3. 打工不但能让学生赚零花钱,而且还能让他们学到人际交往的能力。 4. 现在很多学校的校服不但贵,而且还难看,质量不好。 5. 政府不但要多建一些公路,还要鼓励人们多使用公交车。 6. 老人们既不需要很多的钱,也不需要很大的房子,他们最需要的是子女的关心和照顾。 7. 我喜欢旅游,但是,我既没有钱,也没有时间。 8. 在老人院,老人既能够接受到医疗,又能够找到很多有共同话题,共同兴趣的的伙伴。 9. 缴税既是有有利于国家,也是有利于个人。因为政府的税收主要用于公共服务,这个是每个人都会受益的。 10. 打电脑游戏既浪费时间,又有害视力。 11. 打电脑游戏既能使人放松,又能锻炼大脑的灵活性,反映能力 12. 依照最近的一项调查,每年有4,000,000人死

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