Part I. Analysis of an Essay
1. Scoring Guide (OG-105)
Score of 6
An essay in this category demonstrates clear and consistent mastery, although it may have a few minor errors. A typical essay
z effectively and insightfully develops a point of view on the issue and demonstrates outstanding critical thinking, using clearly appropriate examples, reasons, and other evidence to support its position
z is well organized and clearly focused, demonstrating clear coherence and smooth progression of ideas
z exhibits skillful use of language, using a varied, accurate, and apt vocabulary
z demonstrates meaningful variety in sentence structure
z is free of most errors in grammar, usage, and mechanics
Score of 5
An essay in this category demonstrates reasonably consistent mastery, although it will have occasional errors or lapses in quality. A typical essay
z effectively develops a point of view on the issue and demonstrates strong critical thinking, generally using appropriate examples, reasons, and other evidence to support its position z is well organized and focused, demonstrating coherence and progression of ideas
z exhibits facility in the use of language, using appropriate vocabulary
z demonstrates variety in sentence structure
z is generally free of most errors in grammar, usage, and mechanics
Score of 4
An essay in this category demonstrates adequate mastery, although it will have lapses in quality. A typical essay
z develops a point of view on the issue and demonstrates competent critical thinking, using adequate examples, reasons, and other evidence to support its position
z is generally organized and focused, demonstrating some coherence and progression of ideas z exhibits adequate but inconsistent facility in the use of language, using generally appropriate vocabulary
z demonstrates some variety in sentence structure
z has some errors in grammar, usage, and mechanics
Score of 3
An essay in this category demonstrates developing mastery, and is marked by one or more of the
following weaknesses:
z develops a point of view on the issue, demonstrating some critical thinking, but may do so inconsistently or use inadequate examples, reasons, or other evidence to support its position
z is limited in its organization or focus, but may demonstrate some lapses in coherence or progression of ideas
z displays developing facility in the use of language, but sometimes uses weak vocabulary or inappropriate word choice
z lacks variety or demonstrates problems in sentence structure
z contains an accumulation of errors in grammar, usage, and mechanics
Score of 2
An essay in this category demonstrates little mastery, and is flawed by one or more of the following weaknesses:
z develops a point of view on the issue that is vague or seriously limited, demonstrating weak critical thinking, providing inappropriate or insufficient examples, reasons, or other evidence to support its position
z is poorly organized and/or focused, or demonstrates serious problems with coherence or progression of ideas
z displays very little facility in the use of language, using very limited vocabulary or incorrect word choice
z demonstrates frequent problems in sentence structure
z contains errors in grammar, usage, and mechanics so serious that meaning is somewhat obscured
Score of 1
An essay in this category demonstrates very little or no mastery, and is severely flawed by one or more of the following weaknesses:
z develops no viable point of view on the issue, or provides little or no evidence to support its position
z is disorganized or unfocused, resulting in a disjointed or incoherent essay
z displays fundamental errors in vocabulary
z demonstrates severe flaws in sentence structure
z contains pervasive errors in grammar, usage, or mechanics that persistently interfere with meaning
Score of 0
Essays not written on the essay assignment will receive a score of zero.
Successful college writing includes (OG-100)
z well-developed ideas, with relevant and accurate supporting information
z clearly expressed thesis statement
z good organization
z appropriate, accurate, and varied vocabulary
z variety of syntax (sentence structure)
2. Sample Analysis
Sample 1 (Score 12)
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and assignment below:
Assignment: Are people motivated to achieve by personal satisfaction rather than by money or fame? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observation.
Even though we live in a capitalist society, I still cannot help but believe, despite my own cynicism, that people are more motivated to achieve something for personal satisfaction rather than monetary gains. Look at Chekov's short story, "The Bet." A man agrees to sacrifice fifteen years of his life in prison in exchange for a million dollars. Obviously his motivation for such an extreme bet is wealth, but by the end of the prison sentence, the man could care less about the money. After years of introspection, of reading Shakespeare, The Bible, and textbooks, the man actually comes to despise the money he once sought; the money he signed away fifteen years of his life for. He does not collect his money from the banker, he runs away to be on his own and continue to live the life of solitude he has learned to love, free of money and possessions.
Also, in a psychology class, one of the first things students study when they come to the topic of motivation, is external stimulus versus personal drive. Any textbook will tell one that studies show that a child is more likely to put as much energy as possible into completing a task when it is something that makes him happy, than if he was doing it for a physical reward. A child is more likely to get good grades, if it makes him feel good about himself, than if his parents offer to pay him every time he makes the honor roll. I agree with this theory on motivation because I see it play out everyday in my life.If my older sister had been concerned with money and fame, which reality television tells us every night is important, she would have gone to college after graduating high school. She knew though, that school and learning did not make her happy, and she was not going to suffer through four more years of school just because a college degree could lead to a more successful job. Right now she does not make as much money at her job, but she likes her life and the way she lives; she has more fun answering phones and dealing with other people at work than she would behind a desk in a classroom. This past year I myself have been forced to look at my priorities as well. I have worked hard in school all my life and have made honor roll semester after semester, because I enjoy it. I have not filled up my schedule with classes I did not want because calculus and economics look good on a college transcript. I had a high enough GPA to join the National Honor Society, but I chose not to join because even though it might have impressed some admissions officers, it was not something that was going to make me happy. Instead I spend my time studying Creative Writing, Art History, and the other subjects I feel truly passionate about.
There is a pleasure principle in psychology, which basically means that one will do whatever will make them most happy or least unhappy. I think that is true, and I feel that the happiness most people seek out is not about money or luxury. Maybe it looks like that from the media, because advertising says that people want to be like Donald Trump, but that is not real life. Real life is my next door neighbor who gardens as a second job for small fees because he loves to be outside, working with his hands in the nice weather. I am sure no one would mind winning the lottery, but to say that it is our primary motivator in life is sad and untrue. A person who is happy and making minimum wage is likely to live longer than someone who spends his or her life working sixty
four hour weeks at a stressful job to make money hand over fist. Are some people very driven by money? Yes. Is that more important than the personal satisfaction that comes from doing something good? Literature, psychology, and our personal lives tell us no, and I hope it stays that way. (697 words)
Sample 2
In today’s decadent society, many things are not as they should be. As a member of my generation, I can look around at my fellow contemporaries, and say that many of their values are misplaced, or wrong altogether. The reason for this diversion from a life of strong values is not the fault of our generation alone, however. We, as teenagers, are targeted by an adult world, many of whose values are so far gone, it is almost as if they never had any to start with. And, also, the majority of teenagers’ main source of incoming information, television, is chock full of poor role models, and disgusting, often perverse forms entertainment. Am I a total cynic? No. I know that there are still good people out there, who have strong values, and are not driven by the forces of money, greed and materialism. But often, these islands in a sea of decadence are overwashed and overlooked. For that reason, I will trumpet those few heroes of society who still believe in the ideals of personal success, and the betterment of the world, rather than those who would sacrifice it for superficial gain.
A very good example of someone like this is Mario Lemieux, owner and player for the Pittsburgh Penguins. As a former hockey player, I have always admired Lemieux, who exhibits good sportsmanship, and is one of the greatest hockey players of all time. Lemieux stunned the world through the 90’s, leading the team to two Stanley Cups, and also leading the league in scoring for several seasons. When Lemieux retired, many thought they would never see the day again when Lemieux would once again take the ice. Then, years after his retirement, the team went into bankruptcy. Lemieux, surprising everyone, bought the team out of bankruptcy, at a monetary loss to himself. And when the team was in a slump, Mario then decided to take the skates once more to help his team out of the gutter. Again, Lemieux gave up money to do this because he could not afford to pay himself a salary. And even after he came back, Lemieux is arguably one of the best players in the game.
Lemieux’s personal decisions to give up his material monetary possessions to play for personal satisfaction is a great example to us all. (387 words)
Score Explanation
This clearly focused essay demonstrates clear and consistent mastery. The writer exhibits outstanding critical thinking in supporting the point of view that despite in "today's decadent society" shaped by "poor role models" and "disgusting, often perverse forms of entertainment," there are "those few heroes of society who still believe in the ideals of personal success, and the betterment of the world." The sustained example of Mario Lemieux provides effective and insightful support for this position, as the writer smoothly progresses through a chronological account of Lemieux's career that emphasizes not only the hockey player's skill but also his "good sportsmanship" and several "personal decisions to give up his material monetary possessions to play for personal satisfaction." These occurred when Lemieux "bought the team out of bankruptcy" by buying the team himself and when he returned to the game after retirement even though "he could not afford to pay himself a salary." Overall, this well organized essay demonstrates clear coherence. Throughout, the essay shows skillful use of language in its selection of a varied, accurate, and apt vocabulary and demonstrates meaningful variety in sentence structure ("Am I a total cynic? No. I know that there are still good people out there, who have strong values, and are not driven by the forces of money, greed, and materialism. But often, these islands in a sea of decadence are overwashed and overlooked. For that reason, I will trumpet those few heroes of society who still believe in the ideals of personal success, and the betterment of the world"). This outstanding response receives a score of 6.
Sample 3 (Score 11)
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and assignment below: (2007.5)
Assignment: Do circumstances determine whether or not we should tell the truth? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observation.
Sample 4 (Score 12)
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and assignment below: (2007.6)
Assignment: Do people truly benefit from hardship and misfortune? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
Sample 5 (Score 12)
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and assignment below: (2007.6)
Assignment: Do people truly benefit from hardship and misfortune? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
Sample 6 (Score 12)
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and assignment below: (2007.10)
Assignment: Should we admire heroes but not celebrities? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
Sample 7 (Score 11)
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and assignment below: (2007.10)
Assignment: Should we admire heroes but not celebrities? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
Sample 8 (Score 11)
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and assignment below: (2007.10)
Assignment: Should we admire heroes but not celebrities? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
3. Writing Procedure
Approaches to the Essay (OG-106)
z Read the prompt carefully, and make sure you write on the topic given.
z Decide your viewpoint on the topic.
z Spend a couple of minutes on planning.
z Vary the sentence structure in your writing.
z Use clear, precise, and appropriate vocabulary.
z Leave time to review what you have written.
Plan Your Essay (4 min.)
(1) Read the statement with an eye for its complexity and implications. (1 min.)
(2) Decide on a tentative position and brainstorming (2 min.)
(3) Organize your ideas (1 min.)
Compose Your Essay (20 min.)
(1) Compose a brief introductory paragraph. (4 min.)
(2) Compose the body of your response. (14 min.)
(3) Compose a brief concluding or summary paragraph. (2 min.)
Refine Your Essay (1 min.)
(1) Proofread for significant mechanical problems. (1 min.)
4. Plan Your Essay
Familiarize the topics of SAT
(1) Motivation; Inner vs. Outer Cause
(2) Choice & Decision
(3) Progress & Technology
(4) Success & Adversity
(5) Breaking the Rules / Majority
(6) History & Present
(7) Education, Knowledge & Practice
(8) Viewing from Different Angles
(9) Individual vs. Group, Cooperation
Brain Storming
(1) Position: Yes / No
(2) Idea ①←—— Example ①
②—— Example ②
(3) Idea ←
(4) *Idea ③←—— Example ③ (Concession ←—— Counterexample)
Progression of Ideas
(1) Parallel
(2) Sequential
(3) Contrast
5. Compose the Introductory Paragraph
You Should
z demonstrate that you understand the complexities or implications of the issue
z let the reader know that you have a clear perspective on the issue
z anticipate the ideas you intend to present in your essay’s body paragraph
z not go into detail about your reasoning, and not provide specific examples
z not begin by repeating the statement
(1) Question + (typical answer) + position
z Why, you may wonder, should spiders be our friends?Because they destroy so many insects, and insects include some of the greatest enemies of the human race. Insects
would make it impossible for us to live in the world; they would devour all our crops and kill
our flocks and herds, if it were not for the protection we get from insect-eating animals. We
owe a lot to the birds and beasts who eat insects but all of them put together kill only a
fraction of the number destroyed by spiders. Moreover, unlike some of the other insect
eaters, spiders never do the harm to us or our belongings. ——Lesson 2, NCE Book 4 z Why does the idea of progress loom so large in the modern world? Surely progress of a particular kind is actually taking place around us and is becoming more and more
manifest. Although mankind has undergone no general improvement in intelligence or
morality, it has made extraordinary progress in the accumulation of knowledge.
——Lesson 22, NCE Book 4
(2) Stating conflict views + position:
z I am always amazed when I hear people saying that sport creates goodwill between the nations, and that if only the common peoples of the world could meet one another at
football or cricket, they would have no inclination to meet on the battlefield. Even if one
didn't know from concrete examples (the 1936 Olympic Games, for instance) that
international sporting contests lead to orgies of hatred, one could deduce it from general
principles. ——Lesson 6, NCE Book 4 z Many people in industry and the Services, who have practical experience of noise, regard any investigation of this question as a waste of time; they are not prepared even
to admit the possibility that noise affects people. On the other hand, those who dislike
noise will sometimes use most inadequate evidence to support their pleas for a quieter
society. This is a pity, because noise abatement really is a good cause, and it is likely to
be discredited if it gets to be associated with bad science. ——Lesson 25, NCE Book 4
(3) Background description + position
z Education is one of the key words of our time. A man without an education, many of us believe, is an unfortunate victim of adverse circumstances, deprived of one of the greatest
twentieth-century opportunities. Convinced of the importance of education, modern states
'invest' in institutions of learning to get back 'interest' in the form of a large group of
enlightened young men and women who are potential leaders. Education, with its cycles of
instruction so carefully worked out, punctuated by textbooks--those purchasable wells of
wisdom--what would civilization be like without its benefits? ——Lesson 33, NCE Book 4
(4) Anecdote + position
z Practice-15, Practice-35
Paul Ehrlich, discovered a drug……. It was named “Formula 606”, because the first 605
tests were mistakes. The lesson we can safely draw from this story is that ……
(5) Quotation + position
z OG-1
“It is a small step for a man; but a giant leap for mankind.” ——Neil Armstrong
z OG-3
“We choose to go to the moon and other things, not because they are easy, but because
they are hard.” ——John. F. Kennedy
z As the saying goes, … The saying is used to point out that… This is nowhere more true than on the question of XXX.
z There is an old saying that “…,” which is true in most cases.
z There is an idiom in English that says…
6. Compose the Body Paragraph
You should
z be sure the first sentence of each paragraph begins a distinct train of thought and clearly conveys to the reader the essence of the paragraph, and stick to that sentence
z arrange your paragraphs according to the outline so your essay flows logically and persuasively from one point to the next
z devote no more than 3 or 4 sentences to any one point in your outline
Example
z brief example
z specific example
? personal experience
? anecdote
? fiction
z Analogy
(1) Brief example
z Great leaders are almost always great simplifiers, who cut through argument, debate and doubt to offer a solution everybody can understand and remember. Churchill warned the
British to expect “blood, toil, tears and sweat”; F. D. Roosevelt told Americans that “the
only thing we have to fear is fear itself”; Lenin promised the war-weary Russians peace,
land and bread. Straightforward but potent message.
z Some of the greatest scientific discoveries are the result of inspirations caused by chance occurrences. Three brief examples can demonstrate this point. First, Archimedes’ noticing
the rise of water level as he submerged himself in a tub led to the formulation of the laws of
liquid displacement, the foundation of many of the laws of modern physics. Second, Sir
Isaac Newton discovered the law of gravity because an apple fell on his head while he was
sitting under a tree. Third, after being caught in a strong current of hot rising air while flying his gas balloon, George Alexander Whitehead thought about the occurrence and developed the fundamental principles of meteorology.
(2) Specific example
z Nor is it only the ignorant and ill-educated person who was such faith in the bottle of medicine. It is recounted of Thomas Carlyle that when he heard of the illness of his friend, Henry Taylor, he went off immediately to visit him, carrying with him in his pocket what remained of a bottle of medicine formerly prescribed for an indisposition of Mrs.
Carlyle's. Carlyle was entirely ignorant of what the bottle in his pocket contained, of the nature of the illness from which his friend was suffering, and of what had previously been wrong with his wife, but a medicine that had worked so well in one form of illness would surely be of equal benefit in another, and comforted by the thought of the help he was bringing to his friend, he hastened to Henry Taylor's house. History does not relate whether his friend accepted his medical help, but in all probability he did.
——Lesson 28, NCE Book 4 z One allegation often made is that noise produces mental illness. A recent article in a weekly newspaper, for instance, was headed with a striking illustration of a lady in a state of considerable distress, with the caption 'She was yet another victim, reduced to a screaming wreck'. On turning eagerly to the text, one learns that the lady was a typist who found the sound of office typewriters worried her more and more until eventually she had to go into a mental hospital. Now the snag in this sort of anecdote is of course that one cannot distinguish cause and effect. Was the noise a cause of the illness, or were the complaints about the noise merely a symptom? Another patient might equally well complain that her neighbours were combining to slander her and persecute her, and yet one might be cautious about believing this statement. ——Lesson 25, NCE Book 4
(3) Personal experience: friendly, interesting and authoritative
(4) Anecdote
z A case in point is that……
z Something serves as a typical example is……
(5) Fiction
z So much is certain: that we would have doctors and preachers, lawyers and defendants, marriages and births -- but our spiritual outlook would be different. We would lay less stress on 'facts and figures' and more on a good memory, on applied psychology, and on the capacity of a man to get along with his fellow-citizens. If our educational system were fashioned after its bookless past we would have the most democratic form of 'college' imaginable. Among tribal people all knowledge inherited by tradition is shared by all; it is taught to every member of the tribe so that in this respect everybody is equally equipped for life. ——Lesson 33, NCE Book 4 (6) Analogy
z“Nations should cooperate to develop regulations that limit children’s access to adult material on the Internet.”
However, information on the Internet is not easily contained within national borders.
Limiting access to such information is akin to preventing certain kinds of global environmental destruction. Consider the problem of ozone depletion thought to be a result of chlorofluorocarbon (CFC) emissions. When the government regulated CFC production in the U.S., corporations responsible for releasing CFC's into the atmosphere simply moved abroad, and the global threat continued. Similarly, the Internet is a global phenomenon; regulations in one country will not stop "contamination" overall. Thus,