Passage 90. Old Friends, Good Friends
More than 30 years ago, when I took my first job in New York City, I found myself working with a number of young women. Some I got to know just in passing, but others gradually became my friends. Today, six of these women remain an important part of my life. They are more than simply friends, more even than close friends.They are old friends, as indispensable as sunshine and more dear to me than ever. These people share a long-standing history with me. In fact, old friends are a lot like promises. They put reliability into the uncertainty of life and establish a reassuring link between the past, present, and future.
The attachment between friends who have known each other for many years is bound to be complex. On occasion we are exceedingly close, and at other times one or both of us invariably step back. Ebb and flow. Thick and thin. How smoothly and gently we negotiate these hills and valleys has everything to do with how well the friendship ages.
Sometimes events intervene in a way that requires us to rework the term of a relationship. A friend starts a second career.L et’s say, and suddenly has less free time. Another remarries, adding someone new to the equation. Talk honestly and listen to each other to find out if the other’s needs are being met. Renegotiating pays full tribute to life’s inevitable changes and says that we deem our friendships worthy of preserving.
Old friends are familiar with the layers of our lives. They have been there in the gloom and the glory. Even so, there’s always room to know more about another person. Of course, self-disclosure can make even old friends more vulnerable, so go slowly: Confiding can open new doors, but only if we knock first.
Time is the prime commodity between old friends —by this I mean the time spent doing things together. Whether it’s face to face over a cup of coffee, side by side while jogging, ear to ear over the phone, or via email and letters, don’t let too much time go by without sharing your thoughts with each other.
Passage 89 Stress Prevention
Stress is a normal part of life and usually comes from everyday occurrences. Here are some ways you can deal with everyday sources of stress.
Eliminate as many sources of stress as you can. For example, if crowds bother you, go to supermarket when you know the lines won’t be too long. Try renting videotapes rather than going to crowded movie theaters.
If you are always running late, sit down with a pencil and paper and see how you are actually allotting your time. You may be able to solve your problem (and distress your life a bit) just by being realistic.
If you can’t find the time for all the activities that are important to you, maybe you are trying to do too much. Again, make a list of what you do during the day and how much each activity takes. Then cut back. Avoid predictably stressful situations.
If a certain sport or game makes you tense (whether it’s tennis or bridge), decline the invitation to play. After all, the point of these activities is to have a good time. If you know you won’t, there’s no reason to play.
If you can’t remove the stress, remove yourself. Slip away once in a while for some private time. These quiet moments may give you a fresh perspective on your problems. Competing with others, whether in accomplishments, appearance, or possessions, is an avoidable source of stress. You might know people who do all they can to provoke envy in others. While it may seem easy to say you should be satisfied with what you have, it’s the truth.
Stress from this kind of jealousy is self’ inflicted. Labor-saving devices, such as cell phones or internet, often encourage us to cram too many activities into each day. Before you buy new equipment, be sure that it will really improve your life. Be aware that taking care of equipment and getting it repaired can be stressful. Try doing only one thing at a time. For example, when you’re riding your exercise bike,you don’t have to listen to the radio or watch television. Remember, sometimes it’s okay to do nothing.
If you feel stress (or anything else) is getting the better of you, seek professional help—a doctor or psychologist. Early signs of excess stress are loss of a sense of well-being and reluctance to get up in the morning to face another day.
