2015上海中考英语作文
题目：i want to invent
范文1及点评：
I want to invent a flying car
It is not uncommon to meet traffic problems and serious air pollution in big city.It is a must to have a plan to improve the serious condition.
I get an idea to design my own flying machine like a car which can drive well in the street as well as fly between the high rises to avoid the traffic jam.What’s more,when it is moving,it can transform the motion energy into electricity to drive the engine.Thus,it is possible to save a lot of fuel and reduce the air pollution.It is of great use to solve the problems of traffic jam and air pollution,and even save the natural resource.
Bright idea can only be achieved with the determination and courage.I believe my idea will turn a new leaf of future life.
——新东方优能中考英语左丽娜老师
精彩亮点分析：
亮点一：高分短语
亮点二：it is a must活用高频词
亮点三：定语从句描述自己设计的汽车
亮点四：高分短语
亮点五：be of great use名词结构更高端
亮点六：被动语态，丰富句式
亮点七：turn a new leaf of future life翻开未来生活的新篇章
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范文2及点评：
I want to invent a time machine
As a student who is experiencing unprecedented modern life nowadays,I would rather learn about the history and the future life of human being from a real experience than learn from a textbook.That’s why if I can work as a great inventor, inventing a time machine will be my first choice.The most important usage of my time machine will be visiting one of best schools in Tang Dynasty.As we all know,Tang Dynasty is famous for its open-minded education.Therefore,when I visit the school of the ancient city,I can not only try different ways of studying but communicate with people from different countries as ing a time machine is the most vivid way to learn history as it is both a record of mankind and a mirror of past,I am looking forward to the day when my time machine comes out.
——新东方优能中考英语郭娟老师
精彩亮点分析：
亮点一：定语从句修饰对学生现在的生活
亮点二：用would rather…than…表达学生的意愿
亮点三：用if条件状语从句表达主题
亮点四：be famous for因…而著名
亮点五：not only…but…as well不但…而且…
亮点六：用动名词词组做主语
亮点七：用idiom突出历史的重要性
亮点八：定语从句表达学生的期待
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范文3及点评：
I Want To Invent A Family Doctor Robot
I want to invent a family doctor robot,which can be used to cure the illness without going out of their home.As far as I’m concerned,it will be extremely helpful and useful because of the following reasons:
First,you can see the doctor immediately at home when you feel sick or get hurt.It can save us a lot of time,especially in emergency situations.
Furthermore,hospitals today are always filled with patients, not everyone can be taken good care of.However,with the help of our robot doctors,you can talk to your personal doctor one to one whenever you want.
In short,family doctor robots can make great contribution to our society.
——新东方优能中考英语杨洋老师
精彩亮点分析：
亮点一：全文巧用“first,furthermore,in short”等连接词，把家庭
机器人医生的好处写的非常清晰，让阅卷老师一目了然。
亮点二：全文采用了定语从句、状语从句、并列句等多种长难句，为文采分增色不少。
亮点三：文中出现了“extremely,make contribution to”这些超纲单词及词组，恰到好处地强调了家庭机器人医生的重要性，且为文采再次进行润色。
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