超级有趣的英语故事
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I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened? " "A kid bit me," replied Ivan."Would you recognize him if you saw him again? " asked his mother."I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问,“发生了什么事?”“一个男孩咬了我一口,”伊凡说。“再见到他你能认出来吗?”妈妈问。“他走到哪里我都能认出他,”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我
衣兜里呢?他的耳朵在我衣兜里
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the mon ey I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered."You' re a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”“我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说。“你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?“她是个卖糖果的。”
Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie wit hout any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a mom ent and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. T he visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must ha ve better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied theboy.
由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时,家里没有奶酪了,于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿,他拿着一片奶酪回到房间,把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。客
人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说:“孩子,你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪?”“在捕鼠夹上,先生。”那小男孩说。好客
面试人员给一位前来应征的男士一张履历表,于是就填了这样的信息——
姓名:English or Chinese□英文的还是中文的?
年龄:Confidential(这是私人问题)
身高:Not related to the job(这跟工作有关系么)
体重:Varies all the time before lunch or after(随时改变饭前饭后都不同
居住地:At what stage of my life please be more specific(那是一个特别的地方,我生命的舞台)
电话:Ericsson(爱立信手机)
电子邮件:Only give to pretty and rich girls(只留给漂亮和富有的女孩)
上班时间:The shorter the better(越短越好)
应征职位:A position that has not much to do but surround by pretty and you ng girls(找一个不做什么实事,但能被美女包围的职位)
学历:Graduated at the wild chicken university(毕业于一个你找不着的大学
语言能力:Fluent in bullshits(侃大山是专长)
兴趣:Sleeping and sleeping(睡得天昏地暗)
生日:正月初七
经历:Fooling around all the time(游戏人生)
曾任职位:Decent or not decent□please be more specific(高级的或者低级的都是一种经历)
已婚未婚:Still looking for a rich and beautiful girl□hopefully can find in your c ompany(我正在寻找漂亮又富有的女孩,希望在你们公司能找到
未来期望:Have a speech on stage and retire as soon as possible(只负责主席台讲话,并且希望尽早退休)
希望待遇:Lesser workload the better(比实际工作量拿得多就行
A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mic e.
Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat was so terrifie d that it ran for it's life.
Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "Now, do you understand t
he value of a second language?"
老鼠的第二语言也重要
一只母老鼠带着孩子出来散步,突然她看见一只猫正在灌木丛中虎视耽耽。
母老鼠向着猫叫道:"汪,汪,汪",猫听了非常害怕,拼命跑走了。
母老鼠回过头洋洋自得的对孩子说:"现在你知道外语的重要性了吧。"
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt h imself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window,and he won.
他赢了
汤姆:约翰尼,你小弟弟好吗?约翰尼:他害病卧床了。他受了伤。汤姆:真糟糕,怎么回事儿?约翰尼:我们做游戏,看谁能把身子探出窗外最远,他赢了。
There was a barber in a developing country who had a little shed at the roa dside to cut hair, and a certain man used to come in regularly for haircuts. O ne day he noticed that a dog was always sitting underneath, near the chair where the customers sat for their haircuts. So the man asked the barber, "Is t hat your dog?" And the barber replied, "No, he always comes every day. It's not my dog. I don't know whose dog it is." Then the customer asked, "So if i t's not your dog, you never feed him, right?" And the barber said, "No." And the customer said, "Then why does he always come here every day?" And th