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顾客: 小心, 你的大拇指在我汤里了服务员: 别担心, 先生, 不是很烫！A : Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup!B: Don't worry Sir it's not that hot!一个服务员给顾客拿来了牛排，大拇指在牛肉上。
“你疯了吗？”顾客喊到，“你的手在我的牛排上！”“什么？”服务员说，“你想让它再掉地上？”A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.A:Are you crazy?( yelled the customer ),with your hand on my steak? (What answers the waiter) You want it to fall on the floor again?服务员：茶或咖啡？先生。
第一个顾客：我要茶第二个顾客：我也是茶——杯子要干净的！服务员：两杯茶，哪个要干净的杯子？B:(Waiter:) Tea or coffee gentlemen?A:I'll have tea.C:(2nd customer:) Me too - and be sure the glass is clean!(Waiter exits returns)B:(Waiter:) Two teas.Which one asked for the clean glass?创新句子：我坚持用干净杯子喝茶。
服务员，这只苍蝇在我汤里干什么？看起来象是在仰泳，A:Waiter what's this fly doing in my soup?Um looks to me to be backstroke sir...服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！别担心，先生，面包里的蜘蛛会干掉它。
A:Waiter there's a fly in my soup!B:Don't worry sir the spider on the breadroll will get 'em.服务员，我汤里有只苍蝇！不是，先生，那是蟑螂，苍蝇在你牛排里。
英语搞笑改编短剧剧本-孙悟空三打白骨精第一篇：英语搞笑改编短剧剧本-孙悟空三打白骨精Beat it!人物：T:唐僧M:孙悟空P:猪八戒S:沙僧X:白骨精原型B1:白骨精变成的村姑B2:白骨精变成的漂亮的女人B3: 白骨精变成男人T: Emitofo, Wow…,boys,this place looks beautiful.where we are now?......Does any one of you know what this place is? 众徒弟们摇头，除了八戒在看书。
T: bajie, give me the map(不回头，懒洋洋的问)T:bajie? Give the map to me!（严肃的问）八戒依旧看书，不理睬。
M: Idiot, What are you looking at?孙悟空用棍子打了一下八戒，八戒才注意，赶忙藏书。
但为时已晚，M一把抢过。
M: Look，monster…..(把书抢走交给师傅)T:(很吃惊)（转身训斥八戒）Bajie!How Many times I have told you, don’t bring these pictures of beautiful girls!P: Oh, master!Forgive me。
I will never do this again(伸手拿回)T:(缩手)I’ll keep it for you until we reach the west.P: Master, we have arrived in White Tiger Mountain!Ah I can’t walk on any more!(坐)My stomach doesn’t allow so.我这肚子饿了。
M: Fat Pig!P: Monkey, if you dare to say these two words once again,I will ,I will……….M: You will what(凶相)? P: I will help you catch fleas 跳蚤。
搞笑英文话剧剧本演话剧咱们也可以少了剧本呢？为了方便大家表演，带来了搞笑英文话剧剧本，请看：搞笑英文话剧剧本英语幽默短剧剧本The Pocket MoneyScene1（At Salesman’s home）N: In a dark dirty house, there lived a small, dirty salesman. He always makes unhealthy candies and sells them to the students. He has a lot of money now. But how does he make the candies? Oh, xu …… He is coming!S: Hello, do you know me? No? Oh, let me tell you .I’m the famous candy salesman at the school gate. My candies are very popular,(展示)，I don’t know why. The foolish students always come here. I’ll be a boss soon! Candy, money, candy, money……Oops! It’s time to make candies now.(看表)First, put the flour on the table.Then, water, sugar, flour.(边说边做)Now press, press……Oh, my dirty hands! Never mind! Just do it!(满不在意的神情)Press, press……Oh, my god!Never mind! Just do it!Press, press, the children will not know it , it’s OK,hehehe……Now let me cut it into pieces!另一个白雪公主与七个小矮人Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs 英文短剧本旁白：Once upon a time, there was a queen. She had a pretty daughter named Snow White. Soon after the child was born, the queen died. The queen married another queen. The stepmother was very jealous. She dressed Snow White in rags and forced her to do the housework all day and all night, such as sweep and mop the floor, do some cleaning, carry water and so on.白雪：( Sweep and mop the floor, do some cleaning, carry water and so on.)皇后：I’m the new queen. I’m very beautiful. you see. If anyone is more beautiful than me, I’ll kill her. I have a magic mirror. If I want to know something, It will tell me surely.Now, mirror, mirror, come here!魔镜：Yes, I’m coming. Your Majesty! What do you want to know?皇后：Mirror, mirror, on the wall.Who is the fairest of the all?魔镜：Yes. Your Majesty! You are the fairest of all, I think.But there is a young lady. She is as white as snow, as red as rose and as black as ebony.She is much more beautiful than you.皇后：She is much more beautiful than me?Who is she? Tell me quickly.搞笑英文话剧剧本Characters: Narrator(N), Salesman(S), Dad(D), Maggie(M), Alice(A), Candy(C), Policeman(P)Preparation: 学校布景，做糖果用桌及相关材料，小贩家布景Scene1（At Salesman’s home）N: In a dark dirty house, there lived a small, dirty salesman. He always makes unhealthy candies and sells them to the students. He has a lot of money now. But how does he make the candies? Oh, xu …… He is coming!S: Hello, do you know me? No? Oh, let me tell you .I’m the famous candy salesman at the school gate. My candies are very popular,(展示)，I don’t know why. The foolish students always come here. I’ll be a boss soon! Candy, money, candy, money……Oops! It’s time to make candies now.(看表)First, put the flour on the table.Then, water, sugar, flour.(边说边做)Now press, press……Oh, my dirty hands! Never mind! Just do it!(满不在意的神情)Press, press……Oh, my god!(鼻涕)Never mind! Just do it!Press, press, the children will not know it , it’s OK,hehehe……Now let me cut it into pieces!One, two, three, four, five……（用脏菜刀）Wow, everything is ready!糖果钻出来（跳舞），跳完后，非常难过地说：Oh, I’m so dirty and ugly! What can I do? The students will eat me! And they will be ill! Wuwuwu…S: Mmmm…It looks dirty, let me give you a nice coat! (给它穿上) Wow! Now it’s so beautiful! Haha……C: Oh, no! Don’t sell me! I’m dirty!(拖糖果下场)Scene2（At the school gate）N: The next day, when the class is over, all the students come out happily and the salesman goes to the school gate as usual. （Maggie和Alice 欢快地跑出校门，看到小贩）(小贩拉着糖上场，吆喝)：Candies! Candies! Sweet candies! ……M: Oh, Alice! Look! Candies!A: Yeah! I think they are yummy!M: Let’s ask him.A: OK!C: Don’t buy me！（非常焦急）MA: Why?C: I’m dirty！M: No, you look nice!C: What can I do? (面对观众) Wuwuwu…(小贩将她拉在后面)S: Candies! Candies!（引诱两个女孩）MA: How much are they?S: Do you have money?（轻蔑）MA: Money?(对视)M:Oh, I’ve no money!（失落之极）A: Me too.S: No money? So sorry!(吆喝着走开，下场)M: What can we do now?A: Let’s ask dad for money.M: But how to ask?A: How?…Oh,I know ,let’s make him happy ,and he will give us money.（自信）M: Good idea!(全部下场)Scene 3:（At Maggie’s home）N: The children have to go home and ask dad for some money, and they know their father is good at playing guitar, so they will do something clever. (爸爸看报)M: Dad,dad,let’s sing a song ,OK? (同时Alice去取吉他准备拿给爸爸)A: And play the guitar for us!M: We know you play so well!(爸爸惊诧地看着孩子)D: Oh? What a bright day today!MA: Please, dad!(哀求)D:OKOK! Let’s.(取吉他，开始准备)D: Which song do you like? How about Edelweiss?MA: Of course!(开始弹，第一段孩子随节奏起舞，第二段孩子开始轻声讨论起来“you first”之类的话，爸爸停止弹琴。
5人搞笑英语话剧剧本（英语学习）5人搞笑英语话剧剧本Today’s Yang bailao and Huang Shiren ———编剧：方彦龙Character:：杨白劳Y, 喜儿X，王大春（喜儿男朋友）D，王大婶（王大春的母亲）W, 穆仁智（黄的管家）M，黄世仁HPart 1:In 杨白劳’home旁白：(“喜洋洋”背景音乐起)---New Year’s Eve,Xi’er is talking with her boyfriend on the phone, suddenly ,doorbell sounded.（叮咚！叮咚……）喜: Oh! ok! Someone is knock at the door! So I have to hung up!Bye!（开门）杨: 喜儿! 喜儿! What’s this喜: Oh! computer!(高兴地看笔记本)That’s a Laptop!杨: Ha ha! Today I’m able to buy a computer! Next year, I will plan to buy a car!喜: Really Buys a carGreat!杨: Ok, now we will go out ,are you ready喜: Ha ha,I’m ready ok and waiting for you to come back!（门铃再次响起）Oh,I think there must be Aunt Wang and Dacun coming.(开门,)王婶, 大春, 杨, 喜(四人齐声贺道)Happy New Year!hah(喜儿和大春去一边嘻嘻哈哈，窃窃私语不知所言)王婶:（走到杨白劳跟前）Mr Yang,I heard Dachun said, going to jump the disco dancing after dinner.Right杨:Right,What do you think王婶:I’m gald to,oh,are you prepared to go out杨: Sure!.王婶: Ok,go(问杨白劳)杨: Let’s go,(朝喜儿他俩那边喊)Xi’er,Dachun,go!(四人出门下)Part 2: In Huang Shiren’home黄: (黄世仁上台，气势汹汹地说)Hello,everyone!Do you know Huang ShirenTt’s me! Ha ha……But today is not yestady!You see Mu Renzhi coming!穆:（穆仁智走上来）Mr Huang , give me a litte,ok黄: Not! I wouldn’t give you,because I haven’t money!(不耐烦的样子)穆: New Year coming,My wages, a year--（哀求着）黄: Really does not have!穆:（拉着黄的手说）You are so kind in my eyes,can you give me litte money,ok黄: No way,what’s moreYang Bailao has not return the money to me, what can I do for you(无奈的样子)穆: You might ask for him!黄:Asking himI think he couldn’t give me!穆:Why He has contracted the farm, and made many money!黄:I know! But,he——穆:(打断黄的话)Tries!Ok黄: (想了想)Ok! You go together with me!穆: Let’s go! (两人出门下)Part 3: In enlightens the hall旁白: Yang Bailao, Xi’er, Dachun and Aunt Wang finished eating dinner and tojump the disco dancing.(迪斯科音乐起，四人在舞台上狂欢着)（一会儿，杨的电话响了,他走到前台接电话）杨:This is Yang Bailao, please speaking! ... oh... oh!--王婶:（王大婶看见，向杨走过来）Who’s that杨:Huang Shiren, he said he coming here immediately.喜：(停止跳舞，朝这边问)Huang Shiren Is all right（杨白老点头示对）大春: Nothing! We would take them away if they appeared!杨, 喜, D, W: Ha ha (四人继续跳舞)（黄世仁和穆仁智一前一后的东张西望地从下面走上台前）黄: Oh! Everyone，Happy New Year!（大家看了看，没人理睬）杨:（杨朝黄走了过去）The same to you!(音乐停，其他人也走了过来)黄: (和杨握手)Recently alright杨: Fina, but if you ask the money that’s wrong!（自己先坐下，示意让黄世仁坐，这时大春用脚把凳子往后一勾了下，黄坐到地上了，尴尬的看看大家）大春:Oh, I resemble see to have the dirty thing, but not,sits down!黄: (朝杨白老问)Who is this（穆仁智扶黄起来）杨:He is Wang Dachun,Xi’er’s boyfriend.黄:(打量大春说)Are you Xi’er’s boyfriend大春:Yes! (喊道)Is not my that is you黄:No,no!you!(胆怯的坐下)杨:What’s the mater黄:I’m sorry, but, today is the last of the year!en—Debt is--- 杨:(打断黄的话) Does not have!黄: I know you are good man, give a litte,ok(乞求的样子) 杨: No matter what you said to,nothing!黄（抱住杨白老的腿哀求到）Mr Yang ,a litte,just a litte…… 杨: No money,only a life have!黄: just a litte……杨:(很无情地说) No money,only a life have!黄: （无助地向四处环顾）En----大春: (不耐烦地说)You have not heard Does not have!黄:（朝喜儿望去）Miss, you help us!help us !ok(哀求着)王婶:（和喜儿站一块的王大婶说）What you want to do大春:Boils!Go out!（语气非常强烈）( 杨白劳推开黄,喜儿，王大春，王大婶赶黄世仁和穆仁智走)穆:（拉着杨白老的手求到）Do not expel me go, I want to leave,from now, I do for you ,I cound drive---杨: (排了排穆仁智)Ha ha, nice!ok! (穆仁智和所有的人都赶黄世仁出门)黄:（冲穆仁智喊道)Mu Renzhi! Mu Renzhi!Do you know you is my housekeep穆:No!Go out!(全部下)5人搞笑英语话剧剧本。
英语搞笑小话剧（彼得与狼）Peter and the Wolfall : I’ll tell you a story. It is “Peter and the Wolf” Peter: Good morning everyone. What a fine day! How beautiful the green lawn is! Bird: Good morning, Peter.Peter: Good morning, Bird.Bird: It’s a fine morning, isn’t it! All is calm. All is beautiful. Duck: I’m a duck, you see. Peter forgot to lock the door. Now I’m free. How I want to have a good bath in the pool!(Duck jumps into the pool.)Bird: Hi! Who are you? You can’t fly?Duck: Aren’t you a bird! You can’t swim? You see. I can.Bird: You are a fool.Duck: I’m clever. You are a fool.Bird: You are a fool.Duck: I’m clever. You are a fool.(At this time, a black cat is coming quietly.)Cat: Yeh. They are quarrelling. So I have no trouble catching them. Look at me, please.Peter: Take care, Bird. Be careful, Bird.(So the bird flies away.)Duck: You are a thief. Why don’t you catch that bird?Bird: You are a robber. Why don’t you rob me?Cat: Should I go to catch the bird? Should I? I’m afraid when I get there, the bird will fly away.Grandfather: Peter, you see. It is very dangerous here. The duck is running into the pool. If a wolf comes, what should you do then?Peter: I’m a young pioneer. I’m very brave. How can I dare a wolf? (A few minutes later. A very big, cruel wolf comes siletly. The black cat runs away quickly.)Cat, Bird: Oh,! Wolf!Duck: Oh! My dear. The wolf is coming. Let me run quickly.(How can a bird run so fast! Look, the wolf has caught the bird, and eaten him up.)Wolf: How I am satisfied! But I still want to catch the bird andthe black cat.(Now Peter and the grandfather see what has happened. They have a good idea now.)Peter: Bird. Please fly over the wolf’s head. You can fly around and around him. But you should be careful enough.Bird: Wolf. Wolf. Can you catch me? You are a fool! Can you catch me? Catch me!(The wolf is so angry that he jumps up and down. At this moment. Peter and his grandfather throw a rope and catches the wolf.)Cat, Bird, Grandfather: Beat him. Beat him. Don’t let hi m run away. (At this moment. A group of hunters get to the forest. Listen, they are shooting at the wolf.)Peter: Oh, no. Bird and I have caught the wolf. Don’t kill him. Let him alive. Please help us to send him to the zoo.Peter, Gra ndfather,Hunters, Cat, Bird: Oh! Oh! Let’s go to the zoo. Let’s go to the zoo.。
英语搞笑短剧剧本5—6人三打白骨精Three Times’ Beating Monster人物：T唐僧S：孙悟空E：猪八戒J：沙僧B：白骨精B1：B变成的村姑B2：B变成的太婆B3：B变化成的老头N：哪吒T: Emitofo,do you know where we are now?S: Bajie,map!E: (摸出，递给S)S: Look,master (凑近T)………（T、S一齐转向E）T: Bajie!How Many times I have told you, nof to bring these pictures of beautiful girls with you!E: Oh,master!Forgive me(伸手拿回)T: (缩手)I’ll keep it for you until we reach the westE: But……T: Emitofo,nothing is lust,lust is nothing! Map?E: (递)Here.Em…… we have arrived in White Tiger Mountain!Ah I can’t walk on any more!(坐)My stomach doesn’t allow So.S: Fat Pig!E: Monkey,if you dare to say these two words once again,I will ,I will……….S: You will what(凶相)?E: (软禁)I will help you catch fleas(跳蚤).S: Hm!T:（轻咳）Wukong,factually,I am a bit hungry Could you go to get me some food?E: You see ,master is hungry,too!T: Ba jie!Don’t forget who ate my last meal!J: But master,if a monster comes while brother monkey is away…..T: Em…….It is a problem.Wukong,do you have a ny idea?S: No problem!(安装)（B已躲在一旁偷看）E: This is…..?S: Electric net!I have learnt the energy of electricity from master’s books. So I made this. No monster can approach you if you stay in it!T: Em……Wukong, you are becoming more and more scientific! Emitofo, knowledge is power!S: Bye!(走)T: Let’s play cards!(三人开始打牌)音乐《斗地主》B: Hm!Hm!Electric net?You are too childish.(变成B1)B1: (接近三人，望着)Can I join you?T: I’m sorry,lady. We are playing Fighting Against Landlord and three people are enough.B1: (在一旁观看)Oh,Chance! Bomb!T: Bomb?(打出)B1: Double King!T: Oh….I win! Em……,Lady,you are a master-hand. Come in and teach me!(准备开电网门)S: (回来，看见B1)Oh,monster!(上前就打)B1: （倒)Ah……T: (气愤)Wukong! Look what have done! She is my teacher!S: She is a monster!T: Nonsense!(深呼吸)S: Oh,pl ease don’t……T:It’s too late!(唱)Once more……you open the door…(泰坦尼克主题曲，走音离谱)S: Please,Please,oh,no……(痛苦抱头)T: (呛住，咳)Wukong,I’m disappointed with you!B: (真身出现)Hm!Sun Wukong, I’ll teach you a lesson!(变成太婆)B2:Hello,have you seen my daughter?T: Daughter?...(连忙挡住地尸体)No,sorry!(陪笑，B2想看后面是什么，T挡)S: （咬牙切齿）You monster, I’ll beat you into hell!(S追打B2,B2躲至T身后，S打，不想打到T头，T晕，S再打死B2)E&J: Are you Ok, master?(扶T)J: Look,(伸食指)how many?T:Two…..(晕乎乎地)Sun Wukong, game over!(变成B3)B3: (看到B1,B2尸体)Oh….,my daughter, my wife! Who did it(哭喊)S: I’ll kill you, monster!(打)T: （想阻止，未及）You,you.....(险些晕，E,J扶住)You have killed three lives!S: No,they are not human beings!They are created by monster!T: Monster?You are a real monster!Never let me see you,go!!S: (悲，离去)（音乐，营造“假”悲伤气氛）《人鬼情未了》E: Master, brother Monkey is.......T: Scratch! Don't mention that guy any more!B: (出现) Ha,ha,ha!(三尸体B1,B2,B3在B招手后“飘”走)T: （惊）You are......B: How foolish you are ,Mr Tang!(E,J去阻斗，被击退)B: (抓住T)I'll enjoy your meat and blood,ha,ha......S: (悄悄走到B后，打B,B晕)A thousand years later.T: Wukong?E: Oh,Brother Monkey!J: Our hero is back!T: I,I can't understand......What happened?S: Master,your IQ needs increasing! This monster changed its appearance into three shapes in order to cheat you!T: How,how did you find out?S: (沉默).......Monkey's intuition(直觉)N: Excuse me, where is the cniminal?S; Ah......you are too late ,Nezha!(对T)I've called the police.N: (摇醒B)You are under arrest .(出示证件)You have the right to remain silent If you give up the right, anything you will say can and will be against you in a court of law!(带走B)T: Wukong(S不理T)I admit my mistake this time(S仍不理)I'm sorry(小声)S: What?T: I'm sorry.S: Em? Louder,please?T: I......am......sorry.....(S 捂耳)（音乐响）《敢问路在何方》（这个放伴奏）T: Let's go guys!( 歌)S: You are carrying the luggage, I am leading the horse.E: Say goodbye to the sun, Welcome evening glow.J: Sleeping on the ground, again we set out set out, again we set out.T.S.E.J: Ah......Ah...... Sleeping on the ground again we set out.T: One after the other the seasons go by,and ohe after the other, the year go on. You wonder where the road is. The road is under your feet.T.S.E.J: You uonder where the road is, the road is under your feet......(谢幕)。
搞笑七分钟英语短剧剧本陈:Hello, everyone, have you ever seen the movie? Yeah, you are right, I'm the director--R Z. Recently, I will direct a new movie, today, there will be an audition and I will select three actors to perform in this film. OK, let's begin. The first part, talent show, let's welcome actor number one.陈:大家好，你们看过吗？是的，我是这部电影的导演R Z。
最近我要导演一部新的电影。
今天在这里将举行一场面试，我要选出三位演员来拍摄这部电影。
好的，接下来就开始面试的第一个环节，才艺表演，让我们欢迎第一位面试者。
杨: I t’s so easy for me to get this character. (面朝观众说) Nice to meet you, my dear director. 杨:我一定能轻而易举地拿到这个角色。
(边走边朝观众说)很高兴见到你，亲爱的导演。
陈:Nice to meet you too, so, introduce yourself.陈:很高兴见到你，那么请介绍一下你自己吧。
杨:I'm CK Yang, you know. I don't have too many achievements, I just won six World Music Awards, eight American Music Awards, and…(做沉思状) oh, I forgot, two Oscar Awards, it's just a piece of cake for me, you know, I...杨:我是CK 杨，你知道的，我也没有太多的成就，我仅仅拿了6次世界音乐奖，8次全美音乐奖，对了，差点忘了这个，还有二次奥斯卡奖，这对我来说不过是小意思，你们知道的，我。
英语搞笑话剧剧本篇一：搞笑小学英语小品剧本搞笑小学英语小品剧本人物：农夫，兔子A，兔子B，大树。
农夫：I’m a farmer.（稍停顿）[走两步]A cool farmer.（掏出墨镜戴上）[冷酷地走两步，突然被绊了一跤，继续保持冷酷]Eh...When I was yong,I studied in Xu~~~~chuan Middle , I’m rich now！[开始展示名牌，边说边掏]Look！This is my modern mobile——Nokia WC 250！This is my watch!This is my MP3!These are my shoes——(夸张低沉地)ADIDAS!This is… [不经意地掏出一个苹果]Oh,sorry.[扔掉苹果]It’s this![从怀里掏出痒痒挠] Do you know what’s this？痒痒挠？No no no~~You are out!!It’s my modern——锄头~！！[看下表] It is time to do some farming！[开始弯下腰做出锄地的动作]树：I’m a tree!I can do many things!I can sing![做出疯狂摇滚歌手的动作，哼哼哈西！！！]I can dance![跳四小天鹅] Oh?There comes a rabbit! [引导观众看兔子A)。
树站回后台] 兔子A：OK,I’m a rabbit. Now I’m just walking around here.[农夫继续锄地，边锄边上场，突然看见前面有个兔子]农夫：（惊喜地）Lunch！[扔掉痒痒挠]I will catch it！ [偷偷摸摸地跟到兔子后面走][农夫跟在兔子后面。
两个人走啊走。
兔子突然回头。
农夫假装看手表。
两人继续走。
兔子回头。
农夫假装看天气。
两人继续走。
兔子回头。
英语幽默短剧剧本篇一：两个英语幽默短剧剧本The Pocket Money英语幽默短剧剧本The Pocket MoneyScene1（At Salesman’s home）N: In a dark dirty house, there lived a small, dirty salesman. He always makes unhealthy candies and sells them to the students. He has a lot of money now. But how does he make the candies? Oh, xu ……He is coming!S: Hello, do you know me? No? Oh, let me tell you .I’m the famous candy salesman at the school gate. My candies are very popular,(展示)，I don’t know why. The foolish students always come here. I’ll be a boss soon! Candy, money, candy, money……Oops! It’s time to make candies now.(看表)First, put the flour on the table.Then, water, sugar, flour.(边说边做)Now press, press……Oh, my dirty hands! Never mind! Just do it!(满不在意的神情)Press, press……Oh, my god!Never mind! Just do it!Press, press, the children will not know it , it’s OK,hehehe……Now let me cut it into pieces!另一个白雪公主与七个小矮人Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs 英文短剧本旁白：Once upon a time, there was a queen. She had a pretty daughter named Snow White. Soon after the child was born, the queen died. The queen married another queen. The stepmother was very jealous. She dressed Snow White in rags and forced her to do the housework all day and all night, such as sweep and mop the floor, do some cleaning, carry water and so on.白雪：( Sweep and mop the floor, do some cleaning, carry water and so on.) 皇后：I’m the new queen. I’m very beautiful. you see. If anyone is more beautiful than me, I’ll kill her. I have a magic mirror. If I want to know something, It will tell me surely.Now, mirror, mirror, come here! 魔镜：Yes, I’m coming. Your Majesty! What do you want to know?皇后：Mirror, mirror, on the wall.Who is the fairest of the all?魔镜：Yes. Your Majesty! You are the fairest of all, I think.But there is a young lady. She is as white as snow, as red as rose and as black as ebony.She is much more beautiful than you.皇后：She is much more beautiful than me?Who is she? Tell me quickly.篇二：搞笑英语话剧剧本搞笑英语话剧剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》搞笑7人剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》演员表：西门吹雪、叶孤城、花满楼、king、路人、上官雪儿旁白道具：牛奶两袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，纸屑若干。
第一幕：决战紫荆城之颠旁白：A quiet village is covered with white snow .Birds are dancing in the cold .A man is walking along the street ,step by step .Wind is coming in silence.Another mysterious man approaches .Y与X相遇．X：oH ,I am sorry to knock you !Y:, Never mind baby.X:Excuse me，who are you on earth? Could you tell me your name?Y:,I won’t change my name! no matter what happens. I’m the most famous——-YeGucheng. Who are you?X:Iamximenchuixue.Y惊讶:Ar, ximenchui xue?the best MartialArts?X:Great, you know me !Today is your dead date!Y抱腿：Please, please……Don’t kill me! Let me go!X:No, I must kill you !Y:I don’t want to be killed. There are a eighty-year-old mother and a three-year old son to be looked after by me!X:No way! Because we are fighting now ! you know ?Y突然站起冷冷的说：Don’t force me!X:Pardon!(Y拿出一袋牛奶)X抢过牛奶:milk, very good ! I like drinking it. How do you know that?Y:please drink it!X喝完牛奶:Thanks,Y:Do you still want to kill me ?X:Sure, must! Milk is milk.Y(恼怒+冷酷):Very good ! very good ! I hope you will not forget what you said!?X:I’m sure I won’t!Y:I must give you a lesson ! If I don’t beat you this time, you’ll never behave properly ! 3-2-1!X捂着肚子，蹲下（做痛苦状）：Oach,Oach !Y大笑：HaHa……the milk is exceed the time limit（一人路过，x起身跑过去）X可怜状: excuse me! Help , help , Where is the washroom?please ,tell me .Y:Oh,I see ,go along this street and turn right when you see a corssing road!X:Thanks,byebye.Y:byebye (以胜利者的语气，转头,看见花满楼)Y:Who are you?H:Hua—man—-lou! Have you seen ximenchuixue?Y:Yes, he was beaten by me and is in “WC”.H惊讶:Now you are the best in the world !Y:You are right !H:Teriffic ! you are the one my king looking for ! do you want join in us? If you follow myking,he will give what you want.Y:Yes,It’s very good.H:Ok, follow me, Let’s go to see my king!第二幕：无间道H:My dearest ! let me introduce yegucheng to you! （指Y）this is yegucheng.K:sit down plese, yegucheng.Y:excuse me,I have a question.will you give me what I want just if I follow you?King:yes,I will.Y:That’s good. Can you give me a MM ?K:of couse.You are the one who has the similar taste with me! Hahaha……Y:of course.美女出场M:hello，帅锅..K: this is shangguanxueer.ok,now let’s have a ritual.H走到Y前，《婚礼进行曲》起，H神甫状:Yegucheng! Do you want to follow my king no matterwhat happens such as cold headache , poor ,rich?Y: Yes,I do.K: Huamanlou, come . put the ring on his finger!（音乐停）X唱着上:(看到戒指) this ring should be mine!K:But who are you ? why should it belong to you?Y急切: king! Dear king ! I must go now , my brother is looking for me.X冷酷:yegucheng! Come here ! I want to tell you something!Y抱X的腿:old brother ! Forgive me!X:Forgive you? Why ?Y: Once there was a chance before me , I lost it . If the god give me another chance, I’ll tellyou “I love you ”, If the remustbea limited period,I hope it is thousand year!X:You shall cheat me ! all you did are wrong ! how can you tell me the lady’s “WC”! Y:I like going lady’s WC .I……I……I think that you like what I like.(Ｙ又拿出一袋牛奶)X:milk?I love you.K:Don’t say that “you love me”. I’ll kill you for you saying dirty word to me !X:What? (侧耳装着听不到) You—kill—-me?come, come…(Ｘ上去抓住K)K:Fuck you. I must kill you!X:How can you kill me? haha……Y:Let me have a try! 3-2-1(X捂着肚子，蹲下)M: oh,what happened?（看着X，做惊吓状）are you ok?（跑到西门吹雪身边）Y :do you want to go to wc?X:Yes,I……I……do.Y:haha, the milk was added 三聚氰胺beyond standards.M: you , stupid , bad behavior ! go away !K; why ? why do you help him ! who actually are you ?M: actually,I’m a spy sended by LuXiaofeng,and I fell in love with ximenchuixue. K惊讶: !you—you—You are X’lover?Y: do you know, you are the first person who cheated me ! I hate you .(轻声说)let me tell you,Ｘwill die.M扑倒在Ｘ的身边：Ｘ,do’t die ,you should be alive ,there are much hope in the future andtomorrow is a good beginning !K:what a moving story ! I was impressed ! Y:life is a progress ,but it is depressed that it can not resume !M: life is a progress ,and it is delight that it needn’t resume !(M忽然将一把匕首插进Y的心脏，Ｋ吓跑.音乐《再见，警察》起)Y痛苦状:I never anticipate you treat me by this ,why?tell me why?(Y死，音乐停)（X咳，H扑到身边，电影《我的父亲母亲》原声音乐起）M: X , oh , no ,you can’t die ,we will go home together .X:go home ! ?M:Tomorrow is another day ! even you have the last second to live ,you should be alive ,not only for me , but for our love.X: promise me,you’ll get on well,and you’ll never let go.M I promise . I will never let go（X死）,M: be alive !yeah , be alive ! be alive without ahendance !篇三：英语搞笑话剧剧本二人用版本Scene1（At Salesman’s home）N: In a dark dirty house, there lived a small, dirty salesman. Healways makes unhealthy candies and sells them to the students. He has a lot of money now. But how does he make the candies? Oh, xu ……He is coming! S: Hello, do you know me? No? Oh, let me tell you .I’m the famous candy salesman at the school gate. My candies are very popular,(展示)，I don’t know why. The foolish students always come here. I’ll be a boss soon! Candy, money, candy, money……Oops! It’s time to make candies now.(看表)First, put the flour on the table.Then, water, sugar, flour.(边说边做)Now press, press……Oh, my dirty hands! Never mind! Just do it!(满不在意的神情)Press, press……Oh, my god!Never mind! Just do it!Press, press, the children will not know it , it’s OK,hehehe……Now let me cut it into pieces加旁白1人属于4人用）白雪公主与七个小矮人Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs 英文短剧本旁白：Once upon a time, there was a queen. She had a pretty daughter named Snow White. Soon after the child was born, the queen died. The queen married another queen. The stepmother was very jealous. She dressed Snow White in rags and forced her to do thehousework all day and all night, such as sweep and mop the floor, do some cleaning, carry water and so on. 白雪：( Sweep and mop the floor, do some cleaning, carry water and so on.) 皇后：I’m the new queen. I’m very beautiful. you see. If anyone is more beautiful than me, I’ll kill her. I have a magic mirror. If I want to know something, It will tell me surely.Now, mirror, mirror, come here! 魔镜：Yes, I’m coming. Your Majesty! What do you want to know? 皇后：Mirror, mirror, on the wall.Who is the fairest of the all?魔镜：Yes. Your Majesty! You are the fairest of all, I think.But there is a young lady. She is as white as snow, as red as rose and as black as ebony.She is much more beautiful than you.皇后：She is much more beautiful than me?Who is she? Tell me quickly.四人用版本Global warmingA．Class begins, good afternoon everyone.B．C. D ：Good afternoon, teacher.A. First, I will ask you a question: What is the serious problem nowadays ?B. I think it’s the problem of environment pollution.A. It’s related to our correct answer. But it isn’t correct one.B. Is it the problem of population increasing?A. No.C. Oh. I got it. It’s global warming.A. Right! Global warming is one of the serious problems nowadays. Because……B. Teacher. I have a question. It was very cold indeed this winter. I think it’s global cooling!A. You got the wrong concept. Global warming doesn’t only mean that the weather is getting hot, but also mean that the weather is out of control. So it will be sometimes very cold.B. Teacher. What causes “global warming”?C. I know. Now people drive too many cars and the exhaust gases discharged by the cars and lorries pollute the air and also destroy the nature. It causes global warming.A. You are right. Do you know what will happen with the global warming?B. Yes. The ices in South Pole are going to be melted and at the time, many islands will be gradually flooded with water. Human will have no places to live.C. Surely, we don’t want that will happen.A. What sould we do to stop “Global warming”?B. I think we can protect the environment from ourselves. We can plant treesC. When we are protecting the environment, we are saving ourselves.A. Ok. Students, we can’t only speak but not do later . Let us go planting trees.D. Oh, teacher! Tomorrow is March the twelfth, it’s tree-planting day!A. Yes! Now all of you know the importance of protecting the environment.B．C．D．Let us do our best to stop “Global warming”and make our earth a lovely homeland!A. That is good . I hope you all will be succeeded in protecting the environment. Now the class is over bye-bye students!B.C.D. good bye. Teacher.（4人版本）Narration: Carrie, Cici and Wing are co-worker of a company. This day they are talking in the office.Ca: Bingo! I finally finish this case. It is really tough! I have not slept well for almost a week.Wing: Me too .I always get so busy in this season. I have drunk three cups of coffee in order to keep awake.Ci: Our boss must be enjoying his holiday in Fiji very much. What do you think he will feel when he comes back to see our case?Ca:Of course he will feel surprised and give each of us a promotion. Wing: Come on, he is a devil, how could he do this to us? Anyway, we should award ourselves for these days hard work!Ca: You are right. Let’s pig out on junk food!Wing: I have stayed in China for a whole year and I miss my hometown. I miss German food!Ca: so do I .how much I love French food!Ci: I have not eaten German or French food before. Do you have any recommendation?Ca: If you visit France or go to a French restaurant, snails, cheese, and goose liver and red wine are the best choices.Wing: You also can’t miss the famous German sausage, ham and blue checse Ci: They all sound yummy. But do you know what Chinese eat when they miss their families?Wing&Ca: NoCi: The answer is dumplings!Ca:Well ,I heard that before though I haven’t tasted .Wing: Can you make dumplings, CiCi? Would you make some for us? I have been longing for dumplings for a long time.Ci: Aha, it is as easy as a pie for me .what about coming to my house tonight? We can make dumplings together. I will teach you how to cook it.Ca: Great! That is fantastic. Then it will be the first time to make and eat dumplingsWing: Very good idea! We could busy some basic ingredient at the suppermarket after work.Ci: Sure.We need flour, yeast, pork, cabbages, vinegar, sauce and ginger. (The three colleagues had their shopping and now they are in CiCi’s house) CiCiours some pour on the table and said:”Carrie, can you fetch some water here?”Ca: sure, here you are .what s next?Ci:Ci:we have to mix the flour yeast and water together .be careful ,don’t add too much water.Ca: Okay, I’m kneeing the dough repentedly.it is becoming and softer Wing: Yeah, I am cutting the pork into many small pieces, and then I will add several spoons of oil in it .shall I blend them?CiCi: Yes, make sure they blend well. A bit salt and a spoon of vinegar are needed, too.(an hour later)Ca: Yes, the dumplings are prepared .lets start!CiCi: Wait! I remember well that you all miss the food from your hometown.Look, what are these?Ca: Wow! Cheese! Where did you get it? And my favorite red wine.Wing: God. Those are sausage and ham, I can’t believe it!CiCi: Haha, it is a big surprise, isn’t it? Now ,we are got all three countries’food ready.Ca: So it is a complete big meal.Wing: An unforgettable banquet in my life. Let’s cheers!Ca, Ci, Wing: Cheers!。
