英语剧本韦小宝和老婆们搞笑版

9到10人英语剧本---孔雀东南飞现代搞笑版英文9到10人英语剧本 ---孔雀东南飞现代搞笑版英文2011-05-03 17:47Performance @ College : Story of Johnny and Lunch (孔雀东南飞现代搞笑版)Characters:Prologue(J作被打状跑上台，内砸出一个纸筒，J被打中，狼狈不堪)J: Everybody says that I'm henpecked, but in fact, I'm as strong as a tiger. (Whisper)While my wife is Wu Song. (拍门大叫)I'm not afraid of you! （内砸出一脸盆，J接着当成盾牌护着）Then,I'm afraid of whom? Mywife lunch is the most famous woman in neighbourhood. She's braver than me,smarter than me and stronger than me.All of this I do not care. I just want her to be tender than me. But she isn't! Having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!Act One(序幕结束时，JM作窃听状)JM:(拄着拐棍上)I can! (对门内)Lunch! Lunch! Where are you?L：（揸住锅铲，扎着围裙，从门内跳出来）I'm here!I'm cutting chicken.What's up mum?JM: I've told you again and again that you should call me "my most beautiful, graceful and dearest mother-in-law".L: Ok. My most beautiful, graceful and dearest mother-in-law, what's up?JM:Since you married my son you have behaved so badly, been so rude, so brusque, so lazy...L: But...JM:Never interrupt me!L: Never interrupt me! Since I married your son, that terrible Johnny, I have been working hard all day, cooking and washing. I have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chickens and...JM: But all those you have done are not as valuable as a grandson!L:(生气挥动锅铲)Oh, you want a grandson, don't you?(开始脱围裙) Goand ask your son. I'm leaving!(扔下围裙，扔到JM脸上，下台)Act Two(LM坐在台上打毛线，L拿着锅铲上台)L: Mum, I'm back.LM: You're back? Why? What happened?L: I was kicked out by my most beautiful, graceful and dearestmother-in-law.LM(惊讶，但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See! I have already told you! Whenyou insisted on marrying that terrible Johnny, I told you that he is ugly, stupid and poor. But you didn't listen to me. Look at yourself now!L: But, mum...LM: Never interrupt me!L: Mum, I'm not interrupting you. I just want to tell you that youare always right, OK? And I'll marry whomever you want me to.LM: (大喜)Nice girl! Just now, I met the Mayor's Son in the market.He said,"If your daughter haven't been married, I really really wantto marry her!" Now that you're free again, I'll go and tell him (下台).L: (惊愣)What? The Mayor's Son? The most famous play boy in neightbourhood? (手中锅铲掉地上)What a silly thing I have done!(下台)Act Three(J 睡眼惺忪上台)J: (边走边道)Lunch! Lunch! Where are my socks? (走几步，在地上捡起袜子) Here they are! (闻一下) ER...How smelly! They're still dirty! (突然想起) Lunch has gone! I have to wash them myself! （肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来）Oh, I'm so hungry, but there is no breakfast! (捡起地上的围裙)This is Lunch's apron(围裙)! I miss her...EXCELLENT cooking skill so much! Now that she has gone, I have to cook for my mother and myself. JM:(上台) Where's my breakfast? Where is Lunch? Hasn't she got up yet? J：Mum, can't you remember? Lunch has gone!JM: (沉吟片刻) Well, to tell you the truth, Johnny, a son without awife is useless. Lunch is a nice girl. Go and take her back.J: (立正敬礼)YES, MADAM!ACT FORE(J 开心地走着，忽然跳出三强盗)A: Hey you! Stop and listen to me. The road is built by me!(一脚踩在一石头上)B: And I planted one tree!(踩同一石头)C: If you want to go by this street...(欲踩石头，但踩到A的脚)B：Give us...A: AllC: your money!J: （搜遍每一口袋，掏出一1角硬币）Is 1 mao enough?(ABC晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)A: What a bad luck! This guy is broken!B: If we can't rob any money today, we'll have nothing to eat tonight. C: I heard that the Mayor's Son is going to marry Miss Lunch next month, we can go and rob the wedding!AB: Good idea!J:(惊讶)What? What? Lunch is going to get married? Impossible!A:Why?B: A pretty girl and a rich man.C: What a good couple!J: But Lunch is my wife, we haven't got divorced yet.(突然有主意)I've got an idea! You are going to rob the wedding, aren't you? I'll go with you. you take the money, and I take the bride.B: Have you got any experience?J: No, but I've got this!(J 脱下鞋子，从里面抹出一张支票，上书：$1,000,000,ABC见状跟着J下台，目光跟着钱)Act Five(转眼已到婚礼之期，MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上台，L盖着红盖头极不情愿的被拉上台)（J A B C 跃至台中）A: Hey you!BCJ: Stop and listen to us!A: The road is built by me.B: And I planted one tree!C: If you want to go by this street...J: Give us all your money!(L 听到J 的声音，掀起了盖头)L: （惊喜万分）Johnny! (不顾一切地飞奔到J 的身后)（MS大怒，挥拳向J 打来，J 矮身一躲，MS 打中J 身后的L , L晕倒）J: (火冒三丈) How dare you beat my wife! (挥拳打向MS)(J与 MS混战，JM悄悄上在MS后)J: (指着MS后向MS讲)Hey, Pretty girl!(MS向后一望，JM用拐杖将其打倒)（J 将MS胸前的新郎标志撤下来，戴在自己的胸前）J: (扶起L,关切地问)Honey, How are you?L:(Crying...) Thurtalot!J: Don't cry baby, I'll fetch some medicine for you (下台)L:(起身去追)Wait for me!(跑下台) （音乐起：罗密欧与祝英台）END...。

《630版新白娘子传奇》剧本旁白：long long ago, a moving story happened here ,it’s about love ,life, and fun（音乐起，千年等一回）齐唱：waiting 1000 years1000 years for a chanceWaiting 1000 yearsI have no regretWho said this to meThat love me foreverOnly for your wordsA~I won’t be regretfulRain heart broke wind is cryingSweety love seems to fallWest lake likes my tearI would like to be fire with youA~Waiting 1000 years 1000 years for a chanceWaiting 1000 years I have no regretWaiting 1000 years 1000 years for a chanceWaiting 1000 years…1000（音乐，幻化人形）第一幕：断桥上旁白：the snake white and snake green became into human beings through magic power青：“sister，is this the world of human being?what a terrible atmosphere!the air makes me can’t breath!”白：“Don’t you know that the PM2.5?If i don’t want to meet my Mr Right ,i will never come here to suffer this.”青：“sister, where are we?”白：“Let me have a look.”(拿出来地球仪）青：“You are really prepared a lot !”白：“we are in LeiFeng Pagoda.Now,and the west lake is ahead.”青：“it is difficult to find the United State in the globe,but you use it to find out the West Lake?haha,ridiculous!”白：“shut up!hurry up!if you keep this speed to ride the bike,when will we arrive at the West Lake?”青：“oh,my dear.The bike only has two pedals and one of them is broken.I have try my best ,this rate is not slow.Why are you so hurry?”白：“oh,I have told you that i want to meet my Mr Right XuXian.This is the most important thing in my life.”青:“ok,ok.You go to meet your Mr Right XuXian and when will I find my Mr Right.”白：“oh,you don’t have to worry.I will find a husband for you in Fei cheng wu rao program someday.”青：“oh dear .you are a snake and xuxian is a man,will you have a baby in the future?”白：“of course ,hahaha...”青：“and “KA”,you will give birth to many snake eggs!”白：“shut up!!!”白素贞和许仙相遇。

Take Me to Your HeartAction（一）旁白：At the airport, Zhu Yingtai is going to study English in America,Liang Shanbo was seeing her off.（机场送别）梁: Yingtai ，I love you so much and I’ll miss you so much.祝: I love you, too! Don’t worry.Shanbo. I’ll marry you as soon as I’m back. Wait for me just for two years.梁: I’ll kiss you across the Pacific Ocean.祝: I’ll kiss you from the other side.(抱走，走出几步回头再抱)祝：This time I really should goAction（二）旁：When Zhu Yingtai is studying in America ,her parents are planing to marry her to Mawencai，but liangshanbo doesn't know it…英母：darling darling…（拉住英父）英父：(怒气转身) No matter what you say is useless. The child's wedding can not be so hasty.英母：But dearling, Mr. Ma is so handsome and so rich, There is no doubt that this is matched for marriage. And…(被父亲打断)英父：I have told you many times, it is a new era of reform and opening-up now. We could not decide the wedding of our child.英母：D arling….The furthest distance in the world is not between life and death .But when I am standing in front of you, yet you do not know that Ma Wencai is so handsome.(马文才上，拿折扇，音乐《非》起)马：I love Yingtai so much. It doesn't matter if you accept me or not. It doesn't matter if she loves me or not ,love is right there and it is not going to change.英母：Oh, Wencai，you are coming，sit down please!马：Uncle, here are my presents，50 bottles of Maotai , three Benz and I have a big house and so on .I hope you will like them! If you promise the wedding, I will feel beyond happy .母：There is no doubt that Yingtai must be yours , you are so handsome.（被父亲打断）父：(大怒指着马）NO way !马：Why?英父：Since you asked me so sincerely,let me tell you. Do you know who is张国荣and who is Yaoming? And who is Du Minjun?马：En,…I don’t know.英父：Do you still know who I am and who you are?马：…I don’t know.英父：What do you think of yourself? You even know nothing about modern society！（转向英母）You ask me to marry our daughter to him, how can I trust him?英母：…I have nothing to say...马：But, aunt has accepted my 3 million dollars and presents.父：Money ？You think money can buy everything? True love is priceless！Only 3 million dollars… only 3 million dollars….（逐渐反应过味来）OK,you give me 3 million dollars and I will marry Yingtai to you (掏出钢笔来准备签字)Action(三)旁：A week later, Zhu Yingtai calls Liang Shanbo from America.(一周以后，祝英台从美国打来越洋电话。

《孔雀东南飞》（英文搞笑话剧《孔雀东南飞》（英文搞笑话剧Wanderseveryfivemiles焦仲卿Johy(Jforshort)刘兰芝Lunch(Lforshort)焦母Johy’smother(JMforshort)刘母Lunch’smother(LMforshort)太守之子Mayor’on(MSforshort)强盗Burglars(ABandC)Prologue(J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪)J:EverybodysaysthatI’mheecked,butinfact,I’matrongasatiger,(小声)whilemywifeisWuSong.(指着上台处的门大声道)I’mnotafraidofyou!(内砸出一脸盆,Ｊ接住当成盾牌护着头)Then,I’mafraidofwhom?MywifeLunchisthemostfamouswomanintheneighbor-hood.Sheiraverthanme,smarterthanmeandstrongerthanme.AllthisIdonotcare.Ionlywanthertobetenderthanme.Butsheiot!Havingawifelikethisisjustlikelivinginthehell!(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J)MyGod!Whocanhelpme?(下)Act1(序幕结束时,JM作窃听状)JM(拄拐棍上):Ican!(对门内)Lunch!Lunch!Whereareyou?L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’mhere!What’supmum?JM:I’vetoldyouagainandagainthatyoushouldcallme“mymostbeautifulgrace fulanddearestmother-in-law”.L:OK.Mymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law,what’sup?JM:Sinceyoumarriedmysonyouhavebehavedsobadly.Youhavebeeorude,sobrusqu e,solazy……L:But……JM:Neverinterruptme!L:Neverinterruptme!SinceImarriedyourson,thatterribleJohy,Ihavebeenwor kinghardalldaylong,cookingandwashing.Ihaveraisedteofthousandsofpigsandducksandch ickenand……JM:Butallthoseyouhavedonearenotasvaluableasagrandson!L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh,youwantagrandson,don’tyou?(开始解围裙)Goandaskyourson.I’mleaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)Act2(LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上)L:Mum,I’mback!LM:Youareback?Why?Whathaened?L:Iwaskickedoutbymymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother–in-law. LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See!Ihavealreadytoldyou!WhenyouiistedonmarryingthatterribleJohy,Itoldyouthatheisuglystupidandpoor,butyoudidn otlistentome.Lookatyourself……L:But,mum……LM:Neverinterruptme!L:Mum,I’mnotinterruptingyou.Ijustwanttotellyout hatyouarealwaysrightO K?AndI’llmarrywhomeveryouwantmeto.LM(大喜):Nicegirl!Justnow,Imetthemayor’oninthemarket.Hesaid:“Ifyoudaught erHaven’tbeenmarried,Ireallyreallywanttomarryher!”Nowyouarefreeagain, I’llgoandtellhim.(下《孔雀东南飞》（英文搞笑话剧第2页)L(惊愕):What?Themayor’on?Themostfamoulayboyintheneighbor-hood?(手中的锅铲掉在地上)WhatasillythingIhavedone!(下)Act3(J睡眼惺忪上)J(边走边道):Lunch!Lunch!Wherearemysocks?(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Heretheyare!(闻一下) Er!Howsmelly!Theyarestilldirty!(突然想起)Lunchhasgone!Ihavetowashthemmyself.(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh,I’msohungry!Butthere’obreakfast!(捡起地上的围裙)ThisiswhatLunchalwayswears!Imihersomuch,andherexcellentcookingskil l!Nowshehasgone.Ihavetocookformymotherandmyself.JM(上):Where’smybreakfast?Where’sLunch?Ha’tshegotupyet?J:Mum,can’tyouremember?Lunchhasgone!JM(沉吟片刻):Well,totellyouthetruthJohy,asonwithoutawifeisusele.Lunchisanice girl,goandtakeherback!J(立正敬礼):Yesmadam!Act4(J开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)A:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!Theroadiuiltbyme!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)B:AndIplantedonetree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)C:Ifyouwanttogobythitreet---(欲踩石头，但踩到了A的脚)AamC:Giveusallyourmoney!J(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出１角硬币):Is1maoenough?(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)A:Whatbadluck!Thisguyiroken!B:Ifwecaotrobanymoneytoday,wewillhavenothingtoeattonight!C:Iheardthatthemayor’onisgoingtomarryMiLiuLanzhinextmonth.WEcangoand robthewedding!A&am:Goodidea!J(惊讶):What?What?Lunchisgoingtogetmarried?It’simpoible!AamC:Why?Aprettygirlandarichman,whatagoodcouple!J:ButLunchismywife!Wehaven’tgotdivorcedyet!(突然有了主意)I’vegotanidea!Youaregoingtorobthewedding,don’tyou?I’llgo withyou.YoutakethemoneyandItakethebride.B:Haveyougotanyexperience?J:No.ButI’vegotthis!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄１，０００，０００)Act5(转眼已到了婚礼之期．MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)(J和三强盗跃至台中)ABC&amJ:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!A:Theroadiuiltbyme!B:AndIplantedonetree.C:Ifyouwanttogobythitreet---J:Giveusallyourmoney!(L听到J的声音，掀起了盖头)L(惊喜万分):Johy!(不顾一切地飞奔到J的身边并躲到了的身后)(MS大怒，挥拳向J打来．J矮身一躲，MS打中了J身后的L，L晕倒)J(火冒三丈):Howdareyoubeatmywife!（挥拳向MS冲去）(J与MS混战，JM上，以拐杖击晕MS)(J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)J(扶起L，关切地问):Honey,howareyou?L(哭状):Ihurtalot!J:Don’tcrybaby.I’llgoandfetchthemedicine.(下) L(起身去追):Waitforme! (跑下)(音乐起CanYouCelebrate)。

囧人英语笑话范文The ability of the Kangaroo ，袋鼠有什么能力呢?接下来和一同来看。

Wife:You see.Aording to te statistics on the paper 80% ofthose who have died of liver cancer have drunk alcoho.妻子：你瞧，根据这报上登的统计数字，那些死于肝癌的人有80%都喝酒。

Husband:It's okey. To my investigation, all Thespeopleeatmeals.丈夫：那就不错了。

据我调查，所有这些人都吃饭呢。

Jack fell off his bicycle and got hurt.A beautiful young nurse asked him to fill forms. Jack finished them and gave them back.杰克骑车摔伤，去医院治疗。

一位年轻美貌的护士拿着表格让填。

杰克填好后递上表格。

"Anything else?"The nurse asked. "Yes," Jack thinks for a while and said "l'm a bachelor."“还有什么漏填的?”护士问。

“有!”杰克想了想说，“我是个单身汉。

”A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved.Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"有个人给一家他方案在假期里停留的小旅馆写了封信，“我非常希望带着我的狗，它很干净很有教养，你能允许它和我睡一间屋子吗?”An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is wele at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're wele to stay here, too."旅馆主人立即回了封信，“我经营旅馆很多年了，狗从没偷过毛巾，床单，餐具，或者墙上的画。

金庸版非雷勿扰（小品剧本）剧本人物女嘉宾：1号.李莫愁——曾嫩玉； 2号.黄蓉——洪菱临；3号.小龙女——刘亚美； 4号.东方不败——卢亮。

男嘉宾：1号.韦小宝——陈惠卿； 2号.杨过——吴松茂；3号.乔峰——亓飞； 4号.郭靖——张权鸿。

剧本正文男声旁白：女士们、先生们，欢迎大家参加大禹杯之金庸版非雷勿扰2，下面有请主持人连长。

音乐响起【主持人出场音乐】——1.《we are young》音效主持人：大家好！我就是传说中的连长本人，首先给大家拜个早年，您现在收看的是由北大资本7班独家冠名播出的新派交友节目《非雷勿扰2》2014大禹总裁班年会特别节目。

我们只提供邂逅不包办爱情，如果你还在单身，并且期待一个难忘的邂逅，赶紧报名参与我们的节目。

好的，各位，下面我们将有请出今天4位帅气的单身男生。

有请他们！【一号男嘉宾登场】道具：iPhone 10，二维码，保镖跟随主持人：下面有请第一位男嘉宾尹志平！出场：歌仔戏（2.身骑白马音效）主持人：这位帅哥，你是哪一位？韦小宝：凉风有信，秋月无边。

归我思娇的情绪好比度日如年。

虽然我不是玉树临风，潇洒惕傥，但我有广阔的胸襟加强劲的臂挽。

主持人：说虾米碗糕啦？林被一句都没听懂~来吧，给大家好好介绍一下自己吧。

韦小宝：大家好，我就是传说中的有7个老婆的韦小宝，最近7个老婆打起麻将，但总是三缺一，总是拉我凑数的，害得我没时间出来泡妞，哥，有钱又有闲。

（此处拿出由保镖拿出iPhone10）总结下我的人生:我这辈子只有2件事情不会。

主持人：哪两件事不会？韦小宝：这也不会，那也不会！主持人：那你岂不是什么都不会？韦小宝：我会花钱会泡妞。

主持人：那台下这些总裁们都跟你一样，会花钱会泡妞。

来，说说你的择偶标准？韦小宝：我的择偶标准是：会打麻将，会耍武功，关键还得长得秀外慧中。

我就喜欢祖国的花朵，见到一朵就采一朵。

哎，这位美女，我们是不是在哪里见过？扫一下二维码，微一下，么么哒！主持人：这韦小宝小日子过得可滋润拉，家里七个老婆，我看他天天当新郎，夜夜换新娘，一眼望过去，台下都是丈母娘。

4人英语短剧剧本.doc--大话西游4人英语短剧剧本[搞笑版大话西游]Three Times’ Beating Monster人物：T唐僧〔郭伟〕 S：孙悟空〔邹婷〕 E：猪八戒和N：哪吒〔肖细敏〕B：白骨精 B1：B变成的村姑 B2：B变成的太婆 B3：B变化成的老头〔钟慧〕T: Emitofo, do you know where we are now?S: Bajie, map!E: Could you speak to me with a good attitude？Anyway, I was supreme marshal! (一丝得意)S: supreme marshal？〔先假装奉承的笑，继而强势的说〕 It is impossible forever! (八戒不开心不情愿的摸出，递给S)S: Look, master (凑近T)………〔T、S一齐转向E〕T: Bajie! How Many times I have told you, not to bring these pictures of beautiful girls with you!E: Oh, master! Forgive me，I’ll bring the map to you soon !(伸手拿回)T: (缩手)No, I’ll keep it for you until we reach the west.E: But……T: Emitofo, nothing is lust, lust is nothing! Map?E: (递)Here.Em…… We have arrived in White Tiger Mountain! It is said there is a monster called white bone.B: Yes, I’m Miss White. I’m living in the mountain at all times. Everyone called me monster even if I don’t like it. As everyone knows, if someone eats Tangseng’s meat, he would be never getting old. Now I hear that he will pass by, this is a good opportunity to eat him.Ha ha ha……E: Ah I can’t walk on any more! (坐)My stomach doesn’t allow So.S: Fat Pig! A lustful and lazy fat pig!E: Monkey, if you dare to say these two words once again, I will, I will……….S: You will what? You can what? (凶相)E: I will…〔很不怕的样子，继而一下子软弱下来〕 help you catch fleas.S: Hum! As I expected，you are just a timid fat pig.T:〔轻咳〕Wukong,factually,I am a bit hungry. Could you go to get me some food?E: You see, I’m not the only one who is hungry, master is hungry, too!T: Baijie! Don’t forget who ate my last meal! (八戒羞愧的表情)E: Oh! Master, There is a problem. If a monster comes while brother monkey is away…..T: Em…….It is a problem.Wukong, do you have any idea?S: No problem! I already had the solution (安装)〔B已躲在一旁偷看〕E: This is…?S: Electric net! I have learnt the energy of electricity from mast er’s books. So I made this. No monster can approach you if you stay in it!T: Em……Wukong, you are becoming more and more scientific! Emitofo, knowledge is power!S: Bajie! Remember not to let stranger in. Bye! (走)E: OK! Brother Monkey, take more things to eat. Bye!B: Hm! Hm! Electric net? You want to use it against me? You are too childish.En… I need a way to deal with it.E: (转身对师傅说)Monster, we can’t go out until brother monkey come back. So we should do something to kill time?T: Let’s play cards!E: Great! I like to play cards very much! (二人开始打牌)音乐?斗地主?T: I will(悲伤). (气愤)Wukong! What have you done?! She is my teacher!S: She is a monster!T: Nonsense! (深呼吸)S: Oh, please don’t……T: It’s too late! (唱)Once more……You open the door… (泰坦尼克主题曲，走音离谱)S: Please, Please, oh, no…… (痛苦抱头)T: (呛住，咳)Wukong,I’m disappointed with you!B: (真身出现)Hm!Sun Wukong, you think you are invincible; I’ll teach you a lesson and let you know what wisdom is! (变成太婆)B2: Dear, where are you? Dear! Excuse me, have you seen my daughter?T: Daughter?... (连忙挡住地尸体)No, sorry! I haven’t seen anyone. (陪笑，B2想看后面是什么，T挡)S: 〔咬牙切齿〕You monster, I’ll beat you into hell!(S追打B2,B2躲至T身后，S打，不想打到T头，T晕，S再打死B2)E: Are you Ok, master? (扶T) Look,(伸食指)how many?T: Two… (晕乎乎地)Sun Wukong, game is over!(变成B3)B3: (看到B1,B2尸体)Hello! My wife and daughter are missing. I can’t find them.Oh… my daughter, my wife! Who did it?!!(哭喊)E: he… (指着孙悟空)B3: You?! Why kill my wife? Why kill my daughter? I will kill you!!!(冲向孙)S: Kill me?! It’s too ridiculous. I’ll kill yo u, monster! (打)T: 〔想阻止，未及〕You, you.....(险些晕，E扶住 )You have killed three lives!S: No, they are not human beings! They are created by monster!T: Monster? You are a real monster! Never let me see you, go!!S: You will regret. (悲，离去)〔音乐，营造“假〞悲伤气氛〕?人鬼情未了?E: Master, brother Monkey is.......T: Scratch! Don't mention that guy any more!B: (出现) Ha,ha,ha! I can eat the meat of Tang seng.I’ll live forever. (三尸体B1,B2,B3在B招手后“飘〞走)T: 〔惊〕You are......B: I’m a monster, Sun Wukong is right. How foolish you are, Mr Tang! (E去阻斗，被击退)(抓住T)I'll enjoy your meat and blood,ha,ha......S: (悄悄走到B后，打B,B晕)A thousand years later.T: Wukong?E: Oh, Brother Monkey! Our hero is back!T: I, I can't understand......What happened?S: Master, your IQ needs increasing! This monster changed its appearance into three shapes in order to cheat you!T: How, how did you find out?S: (沉默).......Monkey's intuition(直觉)N: Excuse me, where is the criminal?S; Ah......you are too late, Nezha! (对T)I've called the police.N: (摇醒B)You are under arrest .(出示证件)You have the right to remain silent If you give up the right, anything you will say can and will be against you in a court of law!B: hey…Unexpectedly, I failed. Sun Wukong is really a clever monkey. (带走B)T: Wukong(S不理T)I admit my mistake this time(S仍不理)I'm sorry(小声)S: What?T: I'm sorry.S: Em? Louder, please?T: I......am......sorry.....(S 捂耳) 〔音乐响〕?敢问路在何方?〔这个放伴奏〕B: Let's go guys! ( 歌)S: You are carrying the luggage, I am leading the horse.E: Say goodbye to the sun, Welcome evening glow.B: Sleeping on the ground, again we set out set out, again we set out.T.S.E.B: Ah......Ah...... Sleeping on the ground again we set out.T: One after the other the seasons go by and one after the other, the year go on. You wonder where the road is. The road is under your feet.T.S.E.B: You under where the road is, the road is under your feet......。

猪八戒背媳妇搞笑英语话剧剧本八人组合第一篇：猪八戒背媳妇搞笑英语话剧剧本八人组合语话剧剧本《高老庄抢亲》广西财经学院木槿花开根据教客网原话剧改制 An English play----Pig Guy has been defeated by Monkey King Cast: narrator(旁白君)Tang's monk(唐僧)The Monkey King(孙悟空)The old man（老头）The little girl（小女子）The old woman(老妈)pig(八戒)大家好，今天我们小组给大家表演的话剧是高老庄抢亲。

下面我介绍一下我们组分配的角色，XX扮演的是XX......Hello, everyone, today our group to show the drama is Gao Laozhuang rob close.Let me introduce our group assigned roles.......（小女子走几步又回头跑回老妈的怀里，抱头痛哭。

老头在一边叹息，擦泪。

唐僧、悟空走到他们面前。

）悟空：师傅，到了。

Master, here we are.老妈：（看见唐僧面生，便过来询问）师傅，你们是打哪来啊？唐僧（走到老头和老妈子面前行礼，悟空看见了正在哭的母女俩，觉得奇怪，上下打量）：老施主，我是从东土大唐前往西天取经的和尚，想借贵地休息一晚，不知方便否？）Excuse me, sir.I am the monk from the east.Can we stay over here tonight? 老头（做哽咽状）：哦，是东土大唐来的高僧啊，可以可以。

（别过脸去继续哭泣）Oh, you are the monk from the east.Sure.Sure, come in, please ……（唐僧正在奇怪，老妈闻声抬起头，仔细打量唐僧，突然扑到唐僧面前。

简单的短一点的爆笑英语笑话带翻译_英语散文An elderly couple goes to Burger King, where they carefully split a burger and fries.A trucker takes pity on them and offers to buy the wife her own meal."It's all right," says the husband. "We share everything."A few minutes later, the trucker notices that the wife hasn't taken a bite."I really wouldn't mind buying your wife her own meal," he insists."She'll eat," the husband assures him. "We share everything."Unconvinced, the trucker implores the wife, "Why aren't you eating?"The wife snaps, "Because I'm waiting for the teeth!"一对老夫妇在汉堡王餐厅吃饭，他们小心翼翼地将汉堡和薯条分成两份。

一个卡车司机非常同情他们，就提议想给老太太单独点一份。

“没关系的。

”老先生说，“我们分享一切。

”几分钟后，卡车司机注意到老太太还没动口吃一点东西。

他再次对老先生说，“我真的不介意请您妻子吃一顿……”“她会吃的，”老先生向他保证，“我们分享一切。

”司机不太相信，恳求老太太，“你为什么不吃一点?”老太太咂咂嘴，“我在等他的假牙。